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When did men stop being men???

46K views 574 replies 72 participants last post by  nice777guy 
#1 ·
Come on guys. What's going on with you? At first I thought it was just my situation but the more threads I read on TAM, the more I'm realizing that there are so many men whom are comfortable allowing their wives to take care of the household while they do the bear minimum to make the marriage work. There are so many men who don't work at all or are working but hardly contributing financially (and in most cases by choice). Also, I've encountered many situations where not only doesn't the husband hardly pay any bills, but he also doesn't lift a finger around the house to make up for his lack in financial support.

What is becoming of our men today? Why are more and more men accepting their wives to be breadwinner and home maker while they sit and reap the benefits? Why does it seem as if many men no longer have pride or back bone? I remember when a man refused to accept money from his wife because he was short. He would work 2 jobs before he had his wife taking over his role in the household. Nowadays, it seems as if more men are content with being "slave masters." They sit on their tails and give out orders while their wives does it all. AND to top it off, have an audacity to complain about his "lacking" sex life when she's too resentful and or tired to give out.

And this gets me too. I hear so many of you claiming that your wives won't allow you to be a "man." First of all, no one can allow you to be a man (let's just get that straight). Does she block your manhood by removing your scr0t0ms and play baseball with them using your peni$ as a bat??? Just asking…Lol.

Why has your decision making capability manifested insecurities in your wives? I'm sick of guys thinking that they deserve a promotion just for the sake of being a man. NOOOO. It doesn't work that way. Husband or not, you must earn your position (PERIOD). You have to show that you will make great choices for the greater good of the family and lead the pack successfully before you get to stamp everything in ink. You must confirm that when the going gets tough, you get tougher and will successfully guide the family through the toughtest of storms. You don't just get to make all the final decisions just because you’re the husband.

I hear the same thing from my husband. He claims I don't "allow" him to be a man. I make all of the money, he hasn't done absolutely anything to try to bring in more income on his behalf to support the family, every final decision he makes seems to only benefit him, yet I'm suppose to sit there and knowingly get burned by allowing him to make a decision that I won't benefit from at all just because he's my husband. Ok, believe that if you want to.

Seriously, what's going on guys???? Is it the food you're eating or what????
 
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#289 ·
So let me get this down....

A married woman should do all the housework, have children and raise them. If she works outside the home she still should do all of that.

A man who brings in the bread or not should not have to do anything around the house. The only thing he should do to be involved in raising children is to interact on the level of teaching them and guiding them.

Any woman who expects her husband to help with housework and child raising, even if she is the sole income or major income provider, is a feminazi...

Have I got down the extreme that is being portrayed here?
 
#292 ·
High expectations? LOL

I guess if it's too hard to be real and work your ass off and love your wife, then I can see how that would be too high of a bar to reach.

o_O

How random! And here I thought women these days don't expect anything from men and that was the problem. My husband has his balls attached to his body and it's sexy as hell ;)

I think bitter people judge and make these comments. I have a good man. Sure, he's made some decisions that weren't the best, but he's a good man :) I treat him as such and he treats me as the good woman I am :D
 
#297 ·
The funny/ironic thing, is that someone like me (who had a crap load of losers in my life) who gets someone like hubs (kick ass man...has his issues, but has his priorities straight)...we question things and wait for thigns to go bad!

That's my problem :lol: Trust. I think, am I allowed to have this? Is this for real? It's hard to trust when all I've known (from dad to bfs) is losers.
 
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#311 ·
I didn't even read this post until today.

I just laughed when someone said women have too high of expectations for men.

:rofl:

I have high expectations for anyone in my life, same as they do for me. If you set the bar, people will reach it. I'm not saying be a total betch about it, but be firm in what you want and need and lead by example. :D

Oh and regarding men, just wait for a good one :D
 
#313 · (Edited)
I think that for most couples, the loss of the husband's job is a major stressor for both, much more so than when the wife looses her job.

A wife supporting her husband after he has lost his job, is more likely to be resentful because even in today's 'enlightened' times, it is the man who is still expected to be the major income provider. Simply put, a husband without a job is not attractive to a wife.

SAHD have a long ways to go before they even get a quarter of the respect that SAHM receive.
 
#314 ·
Many couples today have the agreement that both spouses will work. When one of the spouses stops working without mutal agreement it's not acceptable.

I have known men who get very upset when their wives make that choice without mutal agreement.

I also have known quite a few women to work because they can earn more than their husbands and the husband stays home with kids... out of mutual agreement.

This thread is not about SAHD's in which the couple decides that the husband will stay home to take care of the children. This thread is about men who unilaterally decide to not bring in an income.

Why it has turned into an anti-female thread I have no idea.
 
#322 ·
Perhaps it should be a discussion about where our honour has gone? A man is no longer as good as his word, a handshake is no longer enough to seal a deal and too many people cannot meet your eyes when meeting you..... men and women have taken to the low road.

Where did society go wrong?
 
#324 ·
People argue about what constitutes inappropriate behavior. My view: if your spouse was watching and would be upset - that makes it inappropriate.


UOTE=*Dean*;542837]Agree handshake doesn't seal the deal anymore.

Need a 1 page contract and then 10 pages to define what "IS" means.[/QUOTE]
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#326 ·
Or as the anesthesiologist during one of my son's births quipped as we all listened to the sound of an undrugged woman down the hall scream like she was being torn in half with grappling hooks...."So? Does THAT sound natural to you??"
 
#331 ·
Seriously, what's going on guys???? Is it the food you're eating or what????

I believe it`s you women who are ruining men.

Nowdays you baby and coddle your sons until they are 30 years old while ignoring your husbands warnings that you`re destroying them as men.

So they grow up and if the miracle happens and they actually get married and leave the family home they figure they`ll just replace their mommies with their wives and then we have the situation you describe in the OP.

Y`all are reaping what you`ve sown.

I`ll get some popcorn now.

:)
 
#334 · (Edited)
Abraham Lincoln had a great quote: "“You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was.”

At some point, as an adult, every excuse that you have that you think "holds you back" - such as how you were raised, your mother, your father, lack thereof, whatever - is just that - an excuse.

So, if men have indeed stopped being men (which I dispute, at least for the men I have mostly encountered in my life), then it is men themselves that are holding themselves back and down. Nobody else can do it. We are all responsible for ourselves, and can overcome many things if we persevere and refuse to live with excuses.
 
#332 ·
I totally agree with you, Tacoma. Not ALL mothers of sons, but a vast majority.

My father was one of them. He was a louse. My father....but a louse. And my grandmother is to blame. She babied him until his 40s. Got him out of trouble, bailed him out of jail, let him move in and out of her house, etc.
 
#336 ·
I think it is a HUGE Boost if these things start in the home though, a foundation laid -if you will. Generally we bring some of our Upbringing to our future marriages or we need to learn to UNDO some bad influences.

Some of us learn from our parents mistakes though too, some are strong enough to say to themselves .... SH**, I don' want to end up like them!

Peer Pressure -going along with the crowd, need to teach our kids to never do this, be bold, be real. Be different. Our homes need to be that safe place to land no matter what comes against them. Speak up when we disagree. Choose friends wisely.

And we need to give our kids REAL CONSEQUENCES....that may even HURT them....so they can learn a lesson and have it accually STICK...

...and Learn healthy Boundaries with other people...we do not ask for things we have no right to ask for or ever EXPECT things that we did not work for.

Learn what being Thankful is all about (I've had my kids write thank you notes before), being Grateful for what one has. Not everyone is so blessed. And giving when you can give because you are grateful for what you have.

If they destruct another's property, I feel the KID ought to do the work to fix it, not Mom & Dad paying off the homeowner, that is too easy. Bailing out is wrong. ...... I live in the country, it is kinda common to hear how young boys will go out & sledgehammer mail boxes, I always APPLAUD the parents who will make that BRAT go knock on the homeowners door & apologize & have him do the accual work to FIX what he destroyed- and until he does, all privelidges are lost. Let them spend an afternoon getting their hands dirty, let them sweat. Really humbles the Juvenile delinquent-as he needs! You think he would do that again.....I doubt it !

These parents who bail them out...... they are doing them & society a great disservice, setting them up to believe they can do things and get away with it. Like they are entitled to special treatment.

Kids need to learn to SAVE for what they want also...we shouldn't buy them everything they want or cause thier buddy has one....teach them the value of a $1....this society prides itself on "easy credit", some of these people can now go out & buy new cars -they keep them like a garbage dump, only to have them repossessed months later.

With my kids, until they can handle the responsiility to take care of something, they will not get it. And if you loose it, break it, leave it somewhere, it is ON THEM. I generally refuse to make a special trip, I won't buy another. That way they learn to take care of what they have , appriecate it and not be forgetful.


Lawyers even hurt this world, gets the idiots off....this breeds irresponsibiity and a Lust for easy gain. Some cases should be thrown out of court...that woman who spilled hot coffee on her TWAT, she was an idiot, she shouldn't have got a dime. The loss of common sense.

Politicall correctness too - Poeple are too offended -without realizing there is some truth in what others are saying, we can't just make everyone else "feel good" all the time, it waters down our values even.

Near worship of the the rich & famous, who are rarely an example of anything good , how the majority are in & out of bed with each new co-star, pick up the latest Peoples mag. The sacredness of Marraige, even sex has been blown to hell and we wonder why we have lost our way.

It is our values. They've been trampled on.
 
#337 ·
Lawyers even hurt this world, gets the idiots off....this breeds irresponsibiity and a Lust for easy gain. Some cases should be thrown out of court...that woman who spilled hot coffee on her TWAT, she was an idiot, she shouldn't have got a dime. The loss of common sense.
The jury awarded her over a million. The judge reduced the award to around 100K. With juries and judges like that it's no wonder the lawyers bring ridiculous suits.
 
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