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2K views 19 replies 12 participants last post by  john117 
#1 ·
What can a husband do to make his wife feel desirable? Especially when she has low self-esteem.
 
#4 ·
Be relentlessly positive and affirming.
 
#5 ·
Depends on what is generating the low self-esteem. I would think it would be your W view of her body.

My W has a low esteem on her looks. I tell her she is beautiful(cause she is), hold hands and physically touch her in public(not graphically unless I can cop a feel). When we are getting freaky in the bedroom I tell her how freaking hot her body is. I comment on her outfits. She received flowers from me randomly. I will "feel her up" while cooking etc. Yes, she likes that.

What gets me though is she will sometimes say. "You are supposed to say I'm pretty because your my husband." I can't stand that. It is like my comments are meaningless. If it came from someone else it would have some weight. Sheesh...I say these things because I mean it and it's the truth. Some times you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Anyway, we have been married 23 years. It appears to be working. :grin2:
 
#6 ·
What gets me though is she will sometimes say. "You are supposed to say I'm pretty because your my husband." I can't stand that. It is like my comments are meaningless. If it came from someone else it would have some weight. Sheesh...I say these things because I mean it and it's the truth. Some times you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

QFT.
 
#8 ·
Thound,

I'd get her into therapy for her esteem issues. Aside from you chasing her around the house with a "woody", if she is telling you that none of that matters because you're her husband she is vulnerable to hearing it from another man.

You're the one's opinion that should count. Writing off what you say as not counting is not good. I would not let this go and not address it with a professional if it bothers you enough to post here.
 
#7 ·
She has always had low self esteem. A lot of it is body issues. She didn't like the way she looked when she weighed 90pounds she didn't like the way she looked when she weighed 150 pounds. I have always thought she says absolutely gorgeous. I think a lot of it comes from her mother. She was very rigid, strict, and very opionated. Don't get me wrong she did have a lot of good qualities too.
 
#15 ·
For me, don't SAY anything. DO it. Telling me I'm beautiful or sexy sounds like a stock statement. Show me you mean it by grabbing me and bending me over and pulling my panties off.

Might not be a good idea though if your wife doesn't like to be touched :)

Do you know her love language?

Also, many women have spent their entire lives expecting to become dowdy fat and ugly when they hit menopause, and so it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I like to celebrate menopause, myself. Have you and she ever talked about your expectations wrt menopause?
 
#16 ·
I like the way you think. We married young her 18 me 20. We are Christians and I always treated her like a lady. Maybe she has wanted me to bend her over the bed and not be gentlemanly about it. Maybe even pull her hair. I don't know. She can't talk about naughty things like that.
 
#17 ·
@Thound, I agree that knowing someone's love language is very helpful in making them feel desirable and desired. Is it weird that when my husband says that I am one of the clearest thinking people he knows, this turns me on? That said, I think compliments and little gestures go a long way with any woman. But they do need to be tailored for their target.

It's the difference between getting them a generic bouquet from the nearest shop vs the small handful of flowers you stole from someone's verge while out running, or the amazing-smelling lilies that you had to go to 3 different florists to get because they just came into season. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the best gestures and compliments are either completely spontaneous (and therefore just a little bit clumsy/silly) or a bit over the top and requiring some thought. (NB - if you had to go to great lengths, then this should either be self-evident or only "carelessly" revealed by a child or close friend ... no actual boasting about the effort involved allowed.:wink2:). Those are the ones that stick in your memory long after the fact, and each time you remember them, they do their job all over again.

Sitting here thinking ... the best "you're desirable" compliment from my husband was a little note tucked into my laptop before a really important meeting. "Knock them dead and don't flutter those gorgeous eyelashes at them - no man can think straight when you do that." FYI - I did knock them dead. And whispered into my ear while out to dinner. "Please could you try and look a little less orgasmic while eating your dessert (creme brulee) - you're distracting those men over there."

Maybe what I'm saying is that you should flirt with her. Yes ... that pretty much always makes me feel desirable. Oh ... and Hope1964 ... what she said!
 
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#18 ·
I feel desirable when my husband takes notice of the small things - new earrings, hair has grown a little, the colour of my lipstick. He also makes me feel desirable when he goes out of his way to spend time with me (i.e comes home for lunch unexpectedly, surprises me with a day off for just us). And of course when he touches me in a non sexual way (brushes the hair behind me ears, strokes my face, the small of my back, pats my bottom playfully).

It really does convince me that I am desirable. Being invisible is the worst.
 
#19 ·
I feel desirable when my husband takes notice of the small things - new earrings, hair has grown a little, the colour of my lipstick. He also makes me feel desirable when he goes out of his way to spend time with me (i.e comes home for lunch unexpectedly, surprises me with a day off for just us). And of course when he touches me in a non sexual way (brushes the hair behind me ears, strokes my face, the small of my back, pats my bottom playfully).

It really does convince me that I am desirable. Being invisible is the worst.[/QUOTE

The little things.. they do add up.. they speak to our hearts.. when done in the right spirit.. we FEEL THIS. Beautiful post, some great examples there.
 
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