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The Alpha Female

8K views 74 replies 29 participants last post by  Andy1001 
#1 ·
Well, I try to be very careful posting in the Ladies Lounge since I am only allowed to post no more then 3 topics over a 2 year span (gotta make sure I have content worth posting about!!!). Just came across this article (by a female author) which basically states that the Alpha female is bar none the best girlfriend you could even have ...

A strong alpha female might seem intimidating at first, but there’s more to her than just her fiercely strong persona. The alpha female, if you dare dabble, is the best girlfriend you’ll ever have. Here are just a few reasons why:

1. SHE’LL ALWAYS BE 100% UPFRONT WITH WHO SHE IS.
You never have to guess if she’s putting on a front just to reel you in, because she doesn’t really care what you think. She’ll be her authentic self because she lives by the mantra, “Take me as I am, or watch me as I go.” She holds her dignity in high regard and doesn’t feel the need to act innocent and fragile just to avoid scaring you off.

2. SHE’LL CHALLENGE YOU TO BE A BETTER MAN.
If there’s anything her man wants out of life, whether it’s a project or a goal he’s working towards, she’ll push and support him in his pursuit of obtaining it. She wants her partner to succeed, too, because she knows it makes them a better team when they’re both winning.

3. SHE LIVES LIFE IN THE FAST LANE, WHICH MAKES BEING WITH HER FUN.
She maximizes her downtime as much as her crunch time. When she’s not working her ass off to better herself, she’s enjoying life in the best ways she can. She’s not the homebody type and would rather go out and be social, hike a mountain, or jet off on a trip to make fun and lasting memories than get into a sweatpants-and-couch rut in her relationships.

4. SHE’LL WANT YOU, NOT NEED YOU.
She doesn’t need a man to provide for her in life, because she provides for herself. This means if she’s with you, it’s purely because she wants to be with you. There’s nothing more sincere and amazing than a woman who truly wants you around even when she can rock the game of life on her own.

5. SHE WON’T NAG YOU TO GET SH*T DONE.
If you forget to do things that need to be done from time to time, she won’t waste her time getting on your case about it. Instead, she’ll figure out a way to get them done on her own. She has better things to do with her time than nagging her partner about petty things.

6. SHE WON’T GIVE UP ON THE IMPORTANT THINGS.
She won’t throw in the towel on her relationships at the first sign of struggle, because struggle is her middle name. She faces all challenges head on and she won’t hesitate to find ways to improve the life you share.

7. SHE’LL MAKE THE FIRST MOVE WITHOUT HESITATION.
Sex with an alpha female will always be amazing because not only does she genuinely enjoy passion and intimacy, she’ll actually be the one to initiate most of the time. Sometimes after a long hard day of killing it, she just wants to rip off the clothes of the man she cares about. And she’ll always leave you wondering when she’s about to jump you next.

8. YOU DON’T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT HER.
If she goes out with her girls or has to take a trip somewhere without you, you don’t need to worry she’s going to be faced with any damsel in distress moments, or that you’ll need to rescue her from any situation. She’s a woman, not a princess; she’s got this sh*t handled.

9. SHE WON’T LET HERSELF GO.
The alpha female likes to be on point, always. This goes for her career, her health, and her looks, so you don’t need to worry about her falling into any lazy ruts or that eventually she’ll be rocking nothing but sweatpants and a messy bun for days on end. She’ll have lazy days like any other woman, but they won’t last long because she can’t stand not being the best version of herself she can be.

10. SHE’S EXTREMELY LOYAL TO THE ONES SHE LOVES.
When she’s in love, she has her boyfriend’s back in every way, shape, and form. She’ll challenge you to be the best version of yourself while taking care of anything you need in support along the way. She views her relationships as priceless partnerships and just like her go getting attitude about her life overall, she’ll strive to make your duo the best possible team you can be together. Because she doesn’t live a mediocre life, she only wants what’s amazing. If she’s with you, you must be pretty amazing to capture her heart and attention.
The two items in particular that stuck out to me:

(1 - Point #3) the assumption that every guy wants a girl who lives in the "fast lane" and someone who isn't can't possibly be fun to be with.

(2 - Point #9) I am a strong believer in not letting yourself go as best you can. However, it seems questionable to imply that in order to be the best version of yourself you need to keep up your appearance/image at almost all times (maybe get allocated a day or two to be "lazy"

So ... thoughts?



Why An Alpha Female Is The Best Girlfriend You?ll Ever Have
 
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#2 ·
Well, I try to be very careful posting in the Ladies Lounge since I am only allowed to post no more then 3 topics over a 2 year span (gotta make sure I have content worth posting about!!!). Just came across this article (by a female author) which basically states that the Alpha female is bar none the best girlfriend you could even have ...



The two items in particular that stuck out to me:

(1 - Point #3) the assumption that every guy wants a girl who lives in the "fast lane" and someone who isn't can't possibly be fun to be with.

(2 - Point #9) I am a strong believer in not letting yourself go as best you can. However, it seems questionable to imply that in order to be the best version of yourself you need to keep up your appearance/image at almost all times (maybe get allocated a day or two to be "lazy"

So ... thoughts?



Why An Alpha Female Is The Best Girlfriend You?ll Ever Have
This is a bit of a revelation to read, because this describes my wife perfectly! So I guess she's an alpha female. I do agree somewhat with your objection to point #3, because she can and does enjoy leisure time, but is constantly bettering herself as well. She's a lot of fun, but in a quieter way. She's more the introvert, I'd say, so prefers small gatherings over larger social events. As for #9, she keeps up her appearance, and has always been athletic and presentable - I don't think #9 means 24x7, anyway.
 
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#3 ·
I think Point #5 is...interesting. Yes, if her partner won't do what needs to be done, a woman who knows her worth will absolutely figure out a way to get it done herself. And, no, she doesn't have the time or inclination to nag her partner. But I find it interesting that the author failed to point out that the same woman who won't nag you about forgetting to do things that need to be done, will also drop you like a hot rock if your "forgetting to do things that need to be done" becomes anything approaching a pattern. Because while she won't nag because she shouldn't have to, she also won't put up with a partner who seems to need to be nagged in order to get things done.


And, yes, Point 3 describes someone that can actually be exhausting to live with. And, I also don't think it's necessarily true. Plenty of strong women who meet all of the other points on this list just aren't really the fast-lane type. They don't need to be, they're personality doesn't require it, and they don't care what anyone else thinks.
 
#4 ·
I'd have to say I'm an alpha female. Number 6 though... (SHE WON’T GIVE UP ON THE IMPORTANT THINGS). I started out nagging about things and just said eff it and now do it myself. I respect the struggle but I can't help remind myself there are abt 3.5 billion men in this world, I just ain't got the time to waste.

I'm now learning to value relationships beyond sex. It's a tough, tough road.
 
#12 ·
I'd have to say I'm an alpha female. Number 6 though... (SHE WON’T GIVE UP ON THE IMPORTANT THINGS). I started out nagging about things and just said eff it and now do it myself. I respect the struggle but I can't help remind myself there are abt 3.5 billion men in this world, I just ain't got the time to waste.

I'm now learning to value relationships beyond sex. It's a tough, tough road.
I would ask you to extrapolate, to expound.......more!

But, I am too bashful.

I would rather let my imagination run up and down your road.....

Just sayin'
 
#5 · (Edited)
My wife and I shared an alpha girlfriend. She was most of what you posted. She was with us for 30 years of our 44 year marriage. My wife was very submissive and all my former girlfriends are alpha. My wife was the first frail submissive woman I dated. Great wife and would try anything I asked her to, but our alpha girlfriend was more dominant in the bedroom playing sadist to my masochist.

My wife never got jealous because she knew that I would never leave her for her girlfriend. She was right about that. Two dominant personalities will clash. In most things someone has to be in charge, have the final say. Militaries, governments, clubs and marriages need to have someone in charge.

Judging from all the posts by males in sex relationed forums, there are many men looking for a take charge alpha female. Seems like modern society has produced a lot of males looking to be sexually dominated and a growing group of alpha females willing to do so. Same with the non sexual parts of a marriage. I have nephews married to dominant alpha women who lead the marriage in and out of bed. Personally I like to be dominated only in the bedroom. Outside of that I am my old alpha self and will be on an equal footing with my Mistress. In fact, every woman who dominated me in the last 47 years was submissive to me in the relationship. That is not a rare occurrence.
 
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#7 ·
This has some of the same issues as the "alpha male" discussions. It seems to be a collection of positive traits, some of which have little do do with the normal definition of "alpha".

How is "living in the fast lane", a trait of alpha primates?

All the traits listed are good. I just don't think alpha applies well to humans in modern society
 
#16 ·
Then your experience is totally different than mine, @Mr. Nail. My wife matches the alpha female description, yet is very faithful to me. Is she a rare exception? I very much doubt it. You also seem to be misunderstanding the difference between narcissism and self-esteem.
 
#18 · (Edited)
My RSXW definitely presented signs of being a preeminent Alpha female as all of those by the author of that article so indicated!

And she fastly remained so, only up until the time that her multi-cheating was discovered and I had grown tired of placating the drug habits of all three of her worthless, tatted, dropout, juvenile, courtroom parading, often incarcerated, drug head, children of hers!

Which made me think that perhaps the author left out an important 11th one: Alpha females like to drop their drawers for men who are not their husbands!
 
#20 ·
My RSXW definitely presented signs of being a preeminent Alpha female as all of those by the author of that article so indicated!

And she fastly remained so, only up until the time that her multi-cheating was discovered and I had grown tired of placating the drug habits of all three of her worthless, tatted, dropout, juvenile, often incarcerated, drug head, children of hers!

Which made me think that perhaps the author left out an important 11th one: Alpha females like to drop their drawers for men who are not their husbands!
I don't agree with this. One can be an Alpha female and have morals! :grin2:
 
#19 ·
I agree with this, and I used to be an Alpha, Type A or whatever you wanna call it.

But 25 years married to a difficult man can change you, you get tired of the constant 'challenges.' and when you have kids, some things have to give.
Many men have fragile egos though they themselves may be Alpha, it took me years to figure that out about my H. If he was alpha he should be able to take direct feedback, but he is not. His ego needs to be stroked and he would get offended then come back a few days later and confirm (via his friend) what i had been saying all along.
So I think many men like the idea of such a woman but their egos cannot cope with an Alpha female


Though the old me is gone I do notice the old me is coming back, I guess it is because I am losing all the estrogen :D
 
#35 ·
I agree with this, and I used to be an Alpha, Type A or whatever you wanna call it.

But 25 years married to a difficult man can change you, you get tired of the constant 'challenges.' and when you have kids, some things have to give.
Many men have fragile egos though they themselves may be Alpha, it took me years to figure that out about my H. If he was alpha he should be able to take direct feedback, but he is not. His ego needs to be stroked and he would get offended then come back a few days later and confirm (via his friend) what i had been saying all along.
So I think many men like the idea of such a woman but their egos cannot cope with an Alpha female


Though the old me is gone I do notice the old me is coming back, I guess it is because I am losing all the estrogen :D
Yeppir.

A wise statement. Older women lose patience, lose some of their feminine edges.

The funny thing....what they lose in F, their male partners gain in F in equal amounts. The roles seem to reverse.

There was a nice German lady a couple houses from us. We knew her forever. She went from sweet to sour. She grew a mustache, I kid you not.
And that old lady loved me til the end. Must be the sweet and sour in me.

Just sayin'
 
#21 ·
Interesting definition of wha constitutes an "alpha" female - I hate the term by the way. It seems to imply that alpha females are the best and the rest are just lemons.

but anyway - I first heard this term used by a friend - referring to a conversation with a friend about women my friend told him - get an alpha female - he said - I've got one - she is chief anaesthetist at xxx hospital - earns - mega bucks etc.

So in his view this was a characteristic of an alpha female - career high flier and big earner. maybe there are other characteristics - but this, to him - was cited and one must assume because it was the most prized.

did not see that in the list though it is implied in #3.
 
#22 ·
There is a very thin line between this upfront,challenging,self confident,never gives up,self iniating woman who doesn't give up on you and doesn't let herself go and an in your face,bossy,bullying,egotistical,high maintenance pain in the ass who only has sex on her terms.
 
#25 ·
IMO, alpha women are those who don't mind stepping on other people on the way up to get what they want BUT also know how to play it with people who have better boundaries or people who they think they might want around for longer.

I've noticed over on askmen that when women themselves as "independent", it's interpreted as "a pain in the a$$." I would say the same about "alpha."
 
#26 ·
I find it fascinating that it seems that many men find 'alpha male' to be a good thing, but an 'alpha female' is a problem, a narcissist, a *****. Tell me again, fellas, why a smart, driven, independent woman who is upfront and honest, loyal, self-reliant, fun to be around, doesn't nag or let herself go, initiates, and is willing to stick with you through challenging times is a negative? Isn't this list describing the "unicorn" that men always say they're looking for but can't find?

Is the reality of having to actually keep up with such a woman in the real world not nearly as much fun for many men as saying they want her and complaining about not being able to find her?
 
#27 ·
The problem for a lot of men and I include myself in this is eventually it is a competition,who earns the most,who has the better education,the biggest bonus.I have known some of these Alpha females and I don't know any of them who has had a successful marriage,it may look great from the outside but someone has to defer to the other in the end.
They can't stop looking for something bigger,better,faster etc,it is tiring trying to keep up.If and when they meet someone completely out of their league earnings wise it upsets the apple cart and they can't cope.There is only room for one Alpha in any relationship.
 
#36 ·
That article is a very one-sided (ie, flattering and positive) portrayal of 'Alpha Women.'

She neglects to mention all the ways in which those great qualities can turn on you if she starts seeing her partner as less 'alpha' than she is. Most women don't enjoy 'wearing the pants' all the time.

And most women will have kids. I have seen very few women who are able to maintain all those solely-positive 'alpha' aspects of themselves once they are exhausted from chasing around after the rugrats 24/7. They may still be 'alpha', but it won't present in anywhere near such desirable ways.
 
#37 ·
i think the problem comes in trying to define what an 'alpha' is (whether male or female).

in biology, the 'alpha' term is given to those individuals within social animal groups that lead the group.
they have the physical attributes, the mental toughness and tenacity and confidence.
beyond that, there is not that much description. so then, the problem comes in when human sociologists try to
construct a narrow human definition and that's where it breaks down.

so, in my view a natural 'alpha' is a leader of men and women. beyond that their can be positive traits and negative.
they can be narcissists, but they can also be caring. there is a wide gamut of individual attributes within that definition of 'leader'.

there can be 'bad' leaders and 'good' ones. faithful ones and selfish ones.

same goes for alpha males and alpha females.
 
#44 ·
Articles like this always come off sounding "Superior"....numerous articles on "ALPHA MEN" come off like this.... many of those had a "I don't give a care" attitude (like #1) or I have no need of you (#4).. then trying to tie it in with how devoted & wonderful they are (#10)...and how who you are with has to be "so awesome" to have you... .

Same thing here...reading down that list.. many of us would find we identify with a good half or more (I do!)....but they may not all fit.. we may find we don't care for how it is written even, but still hold onto the ideal...how I am seeing some of these...

Like #1....
"because she doesn’t really care what you think ..You never have to guess if she’s putting on a front just to reel you in. She’ll be her authentic self because she lives by the mantra, “Take me as I am, or watch me as I go.” ...
I just don't care for how this is written... I see it this way... People DO need to be who they are...all for transparency, be REAL... so we have a good shot of finding a suitable partner who enjoys our quirks and can handle our faults , still loving us ....we all NEED that... but once you have established this.. this sort of attitude will slowly destroy a relationship, it comes off rather obnoxious ... taking a step back from caring about the mutual satisfaction of the other..

I find #5 a little funny.. the nagging depends on what it is .. a woman who knows what's best for her early on -simply wouldn't stay with a lazy man she had to nag.. that's the bottom line, that would get old real quick......but then it mentions "petty things".. this makes a difference, basically maybe it is implying SHE is not a complainer (and that's good)...not sweating the small stuff (taking out the garbage, little things)... though big things.. like he's been lying, hiding things, car repairs need done while he won't get off his video games...No No No, a mature adult knows what's important & where priorities are.

Don't really care for how #4 is written.. it's a slap on the hand of a woman who may be a "stay at Home".. or depend on her husband ... speaking how she needs "provided for"....as if this disqualifies her , she is now in a lesser position, less ALPHA .... such woman may also very much choose to be with their husbands... not out of obligation or a lowly need -as it is implied here... but an affectionate WANT and enjoyment .. One does not necessarily disqualify the other.

(1 - Point #3) the assumption that every guy wants a girl who lives in the "fast lane" and someone who isn't can't possibly be fun to be with.

(2 - Point #9) I am a strong believer in not letting yourself go as best you can. However, it seems questionable to imply that in order to be the best version of yourself you need to keep up your appearance/image at almost all times (maybe get allocated a day or two to be "lazy"
#3 is another downing.. one could look at ALPHA in terms of lifestyle or personality.. I think "Lifestyle" comes more into play with #3... some people always love to be "DOING".. it's like a rush to them...they may be more social creatures... but this doesn't mean a homebody can't have a "take charge" personality and still wear some Alphaness, even if he/ she doesn't have as much of a fast lane lifestyle or want that...

#10... Very important to be Devoted & Loyal, so true... ..though I didn't care for the ending of this
"Because she doesn’t live a mediocre life, she only wants what’s amazing. If she’s with you, you must be pretty amazing to capture her heart and attention."
..."Not living a mediocre life"..... sounds like a woman who is demanding of a higher class "AMAZING" lifestyle... and her man should be so honored to have her...(Narcissism anyone?)

Taking a step back... I feel it's important to see the beauty in the simple things in life.. this may be "Mediocre" to some...
 
#48 ·
What I have found of the women who were in male tradtional careers like finance, law, accounting was that they were very dismissive of those women who not. Expressions like "just a housewife" were in common use among them.

So Alpha woman are not very kind to their lesser paid sisters.

Any body ever see "Working Girl" 1989 with Sigourney Weaver and Melanie Griffin (and a few other stars).......
 
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