My husband has cheated on me in the past year twice. I won't go into the whole storey, but I would like your views on me asking him for a post nuptual agreement.
He has great remorse and is doing what he can to get back my trust.
We are financially comfortable and in our fifties. I have only been working very part time in the past 10 years, so I don't have a steady source of income.
Do you think it is too much to ask that he sign a post nuptual agreement for the financial future stating how assets would be divided if he chose to cross boundaries again? This would include anything to do with another woman, including on line affairs, anything to do with sex on the computer (so many ways I don't even know them all), escorts, massage parlours, excessive use of porn. He has crossed some of these boundaries.
This agreement would be in my favour. It would leave him half his pension and a modest home for him to live in without a mortgage.
Take what's being offered. He wrecked your life and you need to rebuild. Being financially stable will help that process and you will be better able to focus on yourself.
gee, funny how if a wife cheats she gets half, if he cheats(again) you want three quarters....marriage is a roll of the dice,i don't condone cheating, but three quarters is crazy..
To be fair, it will be the one who cheats will get 1/4 (this includes me).
He's the one who put the marriage in jeopardy and should probably get less than 1/4, but I don't want his kids or myself to see him that broke. At least he can have a nice condo, luxury vehicle and half his pensions for income.
As far as I'm concerned, when you cheat, you are not entitled to anything and shouldn't expect it.
Might be harsh, but you have to think about these things ahead of time. People should stop in the heat of the moment and picture themselves broke and alone, it might change the decision they are about to make.
I have a post nup with my H who cheated as well, and I think anything more than half is not a fair agreement.
If its more than half, then it isn't you worrying about making sure you can support yourself and any children, its about making the other person PAY. That seems unfair to me.
Do you want him to be faithful because he loves you and can't live without you, or because he doesn't want to be broke?
I have a post nup with my H who cheated as well, and I think anything more than half is not a fair agreement.
If its more than half, then it isn't you worrying about making sure you can support yourself and any children, its about making the other person PAY. That seems unfair to me.
Do you want him to be faithful because he loves you and can't live without you, or because he doesn't want to be broke?
I want him to be with me and not just stay for financial reasons (ie - afraid of losing everything). He will anyway.
You haven't worked to gain half of what you have as a couple.
You are not entitled to more than half of what is accumulated in a marriage.
You failed as a wife and your husband strayed.
You have accepted his straying and decided to stay(knowledge of your failings as a wife perhaps), you know exactly where he stands and you think because you are pissed off at him that you are now entitled to take 3/4 of everything he has worked for and you have helped to build?
Grow up and own your own mistakes. Either work with him to strengthen your marriage, or keep holding a grudge and placing all the blame on him. guaranteed if you keep guilting him, he will stray again, and my guess here is that is exactly what you want... AFTER you get your precious post-nup of course.
You haven't worked to gain half of what you have as a couple.
You are not entitled to more than half of what is accumulated in a marriage.
You failed as a wife and your husband strayed.
You have accepted his straying and decided to stay(knowledge of your failings as a wife perhaps), you know exactly where he stands and you think because you are pissed off at him that you are now entitled to take 3/4 of everything he has worked for and you have helped to build?
Grow up and own your own mistakes. Either work with him to strengthen your marriage, or keep holding a grudge and placing all the blame on him. guaranteed if you keep guilting him, he will stray again, and my guess here is that is exactly what you want... AFTER you get your precious post-nup of course.
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Thanks for your comments, but these are some points I'd like to make -
- If we split up right now and all was equal, we would each get close to 700,000 dollars worth of assets.
- I make 10,000 dollars a year if I am lucky, husband makes 100,000 with all benefits and great pension.
- I am in an age bracket where people don't want to hire me because I am getting too old.
- Husband would find another woman within a few months to be with - he won't go near anyone without money or good earning potential.
-I have no intention of ever living with or marrying anyone again.
- I would like to help my single grown daughters financially in life, he hesitates to do this.
One last point is that I have inherited 300,000 in the past 10 years.
By the way, if I cheat, he gets 3/4.
As we know in divorce, the woman's life style goes down about 20% and the man's goes up 20% due to the fact he can make a good wage and keep it all for himself.
I love my husband, but he has proven he can't be trusted, so I need some reassurance of my future in case he goes off the track again.
I have asked him what could be improved in our marriage and the only thing he asks for is that we go on more holidays to Mexico together. I'm fine with that. We already were going somewhere once I year, now it will be more.
Honestly, I don't know who he is and what he's thinking anymore after thinking I did for 30 years.
We have both been to counselling. My counsellor told me to get my finances in order and take charge of my life more. She agrees with the post nup and says he should be doing anything he can to assure me of the future.
SO let's get this straight.... This is at least your second marriage and you don't have children together. You have barely worked in 10 years and understand that now in your 50's you will have a hard time finding work (probably won't try). Oh and you are wlorried about looking after your daughter from a previous marriage, with this husband's money.
Your husband not only has cheated, but also in your books, going forward, cheating will means any form of contact with other women (no sex required), including looking at porn on the internet or maybe buying a Sport's Illustrated swimsuit issue..
Sure ask for 3/4's..... Sure he will be happy to sign off on it.
Thanks for your comments, but these are some points I'd like to make -
- If we split up right now and all was equal, we would each get close to 700,000 dollars worth of assets.
- I make 10,000 dollars a year if I am lucky, husband makes 100,000 with all benefits and great pension.
- I am in an age bracket where people don't want to hire me because I am getting too old.
- Husband would find another woman within a few months to be with - he won't go near anyone without money or good earning potential.
-I have no intention of ever living with or marrying anyone again.
- I would like to help my single grown daughters financially in life, he hesitates to do this.
One last point is that I have inherited 300,000 in the past 10 years.
By the way, if I cheat, he gets 3/4.
As we know in divorce, the woman's life style goes down about 20% and the man's goes up 20% due to the fact he can make a good wage and keep it all for himself.
I love my husband, but he has proven he can't be trusted, so I need some reassurance of my future in case he goes off the track again.
I have asked him what could be improved in our marriage and the only thing he asks for is that we go on more holidays to Mexico together. I'm fine with that. We already were going somewhere once I year, now it will be more.
Honestly, I don't know who he is and what he's thinking anymore after thinking I did for 30 years.
We have both been to counselling. My counsellor told me to get my finances in order and take charge of my life more. She agrees with the post nup and says he should be doing anything he can to assure me of the future.
So you, in your mid 50's could not live a comfortable life and help out your kid(s) with over 700k in assets and a 10k income?
Seriously????? I am in my mid 30's and could pretty much retire comfortably with that. With your sense of economy I am even more compelled to think that you had very little to do in creating the wealth that you enjoy.
You seem to have skipped any mention of what YOU did, or didn't do, to create an environment whereby your husband was solely attracted to you and not tempted to stray. You did not go into any detail at all to cover any of the background. Your omission of these facts also speaks of your own failings. Avoidance at it's finest.
I know that you are from an older generation, but this sense of entitlement of yours resonates far more with the 'Y' generation than the baby boomers.
You state in one of your posts that you want him to love you for you and not stay with you for fear of losing more than his fair share, yet you want to create a scenario that ensures exactly what you say you don't want.
You also say that you don't really know who he is any more, and that he only says he wants more holidays.... sounds like he wants to wind down and retire, so he is not looking to work till he is 65. With his income it is obvious that he has worked hard up until now. It also sounds like he has given up on getting what he wants from you for a happy marriage, I'd bet good money that he has actually been telling you all along and you refused to hear him, so therefore he chooses to tell you that something outside of you changing your behaviours will make him happy.
News flash. It is up to you, it always has been. Unless he is a deadbeat husband of course, but that would have shown up early in the marriage, not wait until now to surface.
You had me until this line. Sorry, no dice. Her husband made a choice, and a terrible one at that. that was not her doing. Was the marriage good beforehand? I don't know. Sure she owns half of the state of the marriage, but not his choice to step out on her. That was all him.
Cheating and post-nup 
