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post #1 of 154 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 08:02 PM Thread Starter
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I screwed up

I went through my husbands phones tablets and computer I got mad and deleted a bunch of porn. I asked him and we talked about and he explained. Now he isn't talking to me and I'm terrified I violated his trust. I know I have to earn it and I took responsibility for my actions. I'm sick to my stomach what can I do???


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post #2 of 154 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 08:24 PM
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Re: I screwed up

Going forward, don't delete his stuff and verbally commit to that. He won't believe you, so you'll have to earn back his trust. That part will take time. Be patient. Be consistent. Keep to you word.

As for compensating him, you should give him a night of mind-blowing sex. If it's mind-blowing enough, he'll forgive you of any trespass. And, it might even make him less interested in porn!

Seems like you are upset about the porn to begin with, given your action. How does him viewing porn make you feel? Some elaboration here would help TAM help you.

Money is a great lubricant for social intercourse... Money is a terrible lubricant for sexual intercourse!
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post #3 of 154 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 08:42 PM
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Re: I screwed up

No, go back over the top. Tell him he has to use incognito mode and it's stupid he'd give anyone a chance to see the poem he watches. Then tell him he has to satisfy you all nice long, throw some of the porn on and get off together.
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post #4 of 154 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 08:48 PM
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Re: I screwed up

If deleting open is such a huge deal, you have bigger problems than "violating his privacy".
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post #5 of 154 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 08:57 PM
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Re: I screwed up

Always keep in mind :

Most men like to watch porn and it is good to watch porn because you tend to explore various sexual positions. You shouldn't have gained access to his personal stuff. Try stepping into his shoe. Would you like him doing this no matter even if you dont like to watch porn and stuff ?

There are couples who like to watch porn together and it is quite a good idea.

Final verdict : dont try to hold him if he aint doing anything wrong. As a matter of fact, watching porn is not a crime or anything bad though.

Cheers


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post #6 of 154 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 09:01 PM
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Re: I screwed up

Quote:
Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
If deleting open is such a huge deal, you have bigger problems than "violating his privacy".
We don't have enough of the story to know if this statement holds true.

If their relationship and sex life has been suffering due to a porn addiction on his part, then I can understand her doing what she did to some degree.

If they simply got into an argument and she took it upon herself to go into his electronic devices and delete his porn out of spite... Yeah, I'd be royally pissed off about that.

helpme, we really need more info to be able to advise you on this appropriately.
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post #7 of 154 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 09:09 PM
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Re: I screwed up

Quote:
Originally Posted by IndianApple View Post
Always keep in mind :

Most men like to watch porn and it is good to watch porn because you tend to explore various sexual positions. You shouldn't have gained access to his personal stuff. Try stepping into his shoe. Would you like him doing this no matter even if you dont like to watch porn and stuff ?

There are couples who like to watch porn together and it is quite a good idea.

Final verdict : dont try to hold him if he aint doing anything wrong. As a matter of fact, watching porn is not a crime or anything bad though.

Cheers


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Spoken like a man, porn makes wives feel like ****. How would you feel if your wife would prefer to watch scantily clad or naked males with big packages strutting their stuff than spend that time with you or giving you her time or body?
I don't think most males realize the damage porn does to a marriage and to the wife's self esteem.
My H was into this when he was younger, but decided to go cold turkey as he saw the problems with it, it can become an huge addictive problem. He has an addictive personality so drugs and porn he avoided, (though didn't manage with alcohol).
Quite frankly there should be no such thing as privacy in this regard, it's allowing OW by stealth and depends to what extent the H is engaged with it, it's like having an OW in your marriage. Esp nowadays with the online cams, etc, where do men draw the line.

if I find that kind of **** on my H phone, or anywhere, then I probably would dump him that is how strongly I feel about it. For men saying they need it it is just a sorry excuse for not having any self -control.

So instead of giving the OP a hard time about invading his privacy, blah blah blah, what about giving constructive advice about what not to do in a marriage. OP imo opinion you did nothing wrong, your H needs to know how the porn makes you feel and how it is taking away from the marriage relations, how you feel you have to compete with OW who are sexier, etc than you.

Perhaps you should play him at his own game, get yourself some nice centerfolds, some Mad Mike raunchy dancers etc and see how he feels about how your spread your affections.
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post #8 of 154 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 09:10 PM
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Re: I screwed up

Does your husband backup his computer?
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post #9 of 154 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 09:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I screwed up

Quote:
Originally Posted by _anonymous_ View Post
Going forward, don't delete his stuff and verbally commit to that. He won't believe you, so you'll have to earn back his trust. That part will take time. Be patient. Be consistent. Keep to you word.



As for compensating him, you should give him a night of mind-blowing sex. If it's mind-blowing enough, he'll forgive you of any trespass. And, it might even make him less interested in porn!



Seems like you are upset about the porn to begin with, given your action. How does him viewing porn make you feel? Some elaboration here would help TAM help you.


He isn't watching the porn he used to work for gutter a porn site and wrote all the code. This is why but he is pissed I didn't come to and ask he showed me everything I have violated his trust so what do I do beside giving him sex. I do that 5 days a week trust me no complaints the problem I've let my fears control me and made a poor choice I'm more upset I've hurt him how do I fix this?


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post #10 of 154 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 09:16 PM
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Re: I screwed up

So people actually save porn on their phones and computers? Geez....,
Who has time for that crap? I waste too much time on TAM already.


I truly don't get the need to save that crap. It's not like it's not easily available. Must be some better stuff than I've seen to be worth saving......,, wow.

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post #11 of 154 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 09:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I screwed up

Quote:
Originally Posted by _anonymous_ View Post
Going forward, don't delete his stuff and verbally commit to that. He won't believe you, so you'll have to earn back his trust. That part will take time. Be patient. Be consistent. Keep to you word.



As for compensating him, you should give him a night of mind-blowing sex. If it's mind-blowing enough, he'll forgive you of any trespass. And, it might even make him less interested in porn!



Seems like you are upset about the porn to begin with, given your action. How does him viewing porn make you feel? Some elaboration here would help TAM help you.


Quote:
Originally Posted by helphelphelpme View Post
He isn't watching the porn he used to work for gutter a porn site and wrote all the code. This is why but he is pissed I didn't come to and ask he showed me everything I have violated his trust so what do I do beside giving him sex. I do that 5 days a week trust me no complaints the problem I've let my fears control me and made a poor choice I'm more upset I've hurt him how do I fix this?


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post #12 of 154 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 09:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I screwed up

Quote:
Originally Posted by musicftw07 View Post
We don't have enough of the story to know if this statement holds true.



If their relationship and sex life has been suffering due to a porn addiction on his part, then I can understand her doing what she did to some degree.



If they simply got into an argument and she took it upon herself to go into his electronic devices and delete his porn out of spite... Yeah, I'd be royally pissed off about that.



helpme, we really need more info to be able to advise you on this appropriately.


Quote:
Originally Posted by helphelphelpme View Post
He isn't watching the porn he used to work for gutter a porn site and wrote all the code. This is why but he is pissed I didn't come to and ask he showed me everything I have violated his trust so what do I do beside giving him sex. I do that 5 days a week trust me no complaints the problem I've let my fears control me and made a poor choice I'm more upset I've hurt him how do I fix this?


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post #13 of 154 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 09:20 PM
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Re: I screwed up

Quote:
Originally Posted by helphelphelpme View Post
He isn't watching the porn he used to work for gutter a porn site and wrote all the code. This is why but he is pissed I didn't come to and ask he showed me everything I have violated his trust so what do I do beside giving him sex. I do that 5 days a week trust me no complaints the problem I've let my fears control me and made a poor choice I'm more upset I've hurt him how do I fix this
If he used to write their code, surely he has everything backed up.

Why did you delete the porn? Why was it bothering you enough that you did that?
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post #14 of 154 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 09:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I screwed up

Quote:
Originally Posted by musicftw07 View Post
We don't have enough of the story to know if this statement holds true.



If their relationship and sex life has been suffering due to a porn addiction on his part, then I can understand her doing what she did to some degree.



If they simply got into an argument and she took it upon herself to go into his electronic devices and delete his porn out of spite... Yeah, I'd be royally pissed off about that.



helpme, we really need more info to be able to advise you on this appropriately.






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post #15 of 154 (permalink) Old 05-07-2017, 09:22 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I screwed up

Quote:
Originally Posted by _anonymous_ View Post
Going forward, don't delete his stuff and verbally commit to that. He won't believe you, so you'll have to earn back his trust. That part will take time. Be patient. Be consistent. Keep to you word.



As for compensating him, you should give him a night of mind-blowing sex. If it's mind-blowing enough, he'll forgive you of any trespass. And, it might even make him less interested in porn!



Seems like you are upset about the porn to begin with, given your action. How does him viewing porn make you feel? Some elaboration here would help


He isn't watching the porn he used to work for gutter a porn site and wrote all the code. This is why but he is pissed I didn't come to and ask he showed me everything I have violated his trust so what do I do beside giving him sex. I do that 5 days a week trust me no complaints the problem I've let my fears control me and made a poor choice I'm more upset I've hurt him how do I fix this?


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