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post #31 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 02:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Why am I so crazy about him?

You guys are so cute with your little jokes! What a great addition to the thread!


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #32 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 02:39 PM
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Re: Why am I so crazy about him?

Polite deception is a term I used recently - in a thread where - the youngest kid was heading to school and the H was about to do the walk away spouse move.

He came across as a very ego protective guy who wasn't really inclined towards looking at his own contribution to a really bad long term situation.



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Oh, my gosh, MEM, I totally believe this. The more transparent and empathetic we can be in marriage, the closer we will feel to each other, and the stronger the bond.

I was so mad at one of my kids last night. Just could not believe he played his video game instead of chopping the vegetables like I asked.

Well, long and hot discussion later, it appeared I had not been as clear as I thought, and he agreed he should have just done it right away instead of waiting until the game was over.

But the great thing is that, as always in our family, the issue is thoroughly discussed, everybody's feelings out on the table instead of hidden, every last thing hashed out until everybody feels at least a reasonable peace about it. We all get to be heard and considered.

I cannot live in a home without harmony. And harmony is only achieved at our house through complete transparency and empathy.
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post #33 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 02:40 PM
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Re: Why am I so crazy about him?

I would make a chemistry joke too, but all the good ones argon.

"Everything we see hides another thing, we always want to see what is hidden by what we see. There is an interest in that which is hidden and which the visible does not show us. This interest can take the form of a quite intense feeling, a sort of conflict, one might say, between the visible that is hidden and the visible that is present."
-- René Magritte
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post #34 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 02:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Why am I so crazy about him?

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Originally Posted by MEM2020 View Post
Polite deception is a term I used recently - in a thread where - the youngest kid was heading to school and the H was about to do the walk away spouse move.

He came across as a very ego protective guy who wasn't really inclined towards looking at his own contribution to a really bad long term situation.
I totally believe that, MEM.

And I bet if you tried to point that out, he became defensive.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #35 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 02:54 PM
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Re: Why am I so crazy about him?

That's often the case, though this particular person simply avoided answering any difficult questions.

Which wasn't a big surprise.



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I totally believe that, MEM.

And I bet if you tried to point that out, he became defensive.
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post #36 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 03:18 PM
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Cool Re: Why am I so crazy about him?

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I don't know if any other ladies here feel this way, but I do.

My husband drives me crazy sometimes. Can just be absolutely clueless.

But I always come back to him. I may be mad for a few hours or a few minutes, but it rarely lasts a whole day.

It is like he is just so good to me, just so kind and loving and wise, that I just can't stay away. I am putty in his hands.

And sometimes I feel so pathetic about it!
Easy problem, @jld ~ you love the guy, simply because he loves you!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #37 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 03:28 PM
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Re: Why am I so crazy about him?

JLD,
Coming back to your initial theme: While simplistic - your situation is of a specific type. Which is that - you love Dug absolutely. His traits - what makes him him. Your frustrations - when they happen - are with how attentive he is - or individual choices he makes. This means it is fairly easy to address.

That is massively different - than - a situation where someone's core self - is unappealing or doesn't inspire respect and love.
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post #38 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 05:55 PM
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Re: Why am I so crazy about him?

Right there with you on this one JLD.

I simply adore MrH, for me it isn't complex I simply adore him. He treats me well and is a good man. There is a list a mile long of positive things I can say about him which would end in the superficial stuff such as how damn sexy he is to me and what a great lover he is. But I put those things at the end of the list in this thread because it is who he is at his core that makes me gravitate to him.

Then there are the days I could happily hit him upside the head with a frypan.
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post #39 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 06:09 PM
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Re: Why am I so crazy about him?

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Right there with you on this one JLD.

I simply adore MrH, for me it isn't complex I simply adore him. He treats me well and is a good man. There is a list a mile long of positive things I can say about him which would end in the superficial stuff such as how damn sexy he is to me and what a great lover he is. But I put those things at the end of the list in this thread because it is who he is at his core that makes me gravitate to him.

Then there are the days I could happily hit him upside the head with a frypan.
In your own words does he make you feel "Stabby"😃😃😃
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post #40 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 06:23 PM
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Re: Why am I so crazy about him?

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In your own words does he make you feel "Stabby"😃😃😃
lol oh yes he does. A man that evokes so much passion in me is a rare find

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post #41 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 06:23 PM
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Re: Why am I so crazy about him?

MH,

This ability to differentiate between - core traits and specific actions - is necessary for a healthy intensely loving marriage.

It is nice though - when you give and get the benefit of the doubt - prior to having full information.


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Right there with you on this one JLD.

I simply adore MrH, for me it isn't complex I simply adore him. He treats me well and is a good man. There is a list a mile long of positive things I can say about him which would end in the superficial stuff such as how damn sexy he is to me and what a great lover he is. But I put those things at the end of the list in this thread because it is who he is at his core that makes me gravitate to him.

Then there are the days I could happily hit him upside the head with a frypan.
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post #42 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 06:50 PM
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Re: Why am I so crazy about him?

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MH,

This ability to differentiate between - core traits and specific actions - is necessary for a healthy intensely loving marriage.

It is nice though - when you give and get the benefit of the doubt - prior to having full information.
Sorry MEM I don't understand what you mean with the bolded.
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post #43 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 06:53 PM
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Re: Why am I so crazy about him?

Let's say MH2 does something that fits into a general pattern you aren't real fond of.

Nicer to start out with an even toned question like: Why did you decide to do that?

Just saying that gives benefit of the doubt.

As opposed to: I hate it when you do xyz





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Sorry MEM I don't understand what you mean with the bolded.
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post #44 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-15-2017, 07:03 PM
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Re: Why am I so crazy about him?

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Let's say MH2 does something that fits into a general pattern you aren't real fond of.

Nicer to start out with an even toned question like: Why did you decide to do that?

Just saying that gives benefit of the doubt.

As opposed to: I hate it when you do xyz
OK I think I get it and have to claim guilt although these days I am more inclined to say "it hurts me when you do xyz".

But given MrH does *wrong* (in my eyes) with no bad intent but simply through making a mistake it may be better to say "why did you decide to do that?"
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post #45 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-16-2017, 12:04 PM
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Re: Why am I so crazy about him?

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Hey, I'm not familiar with your story, 23cm, but I hope you two can improve things. Everyone should feel loved and connected in marriage.

Yes, we surely have that "thing," whatever it is called. Dug and I have to be together. We might exasperate each other at times, but we just belong together.

@SimplyAmorous has a cartoon she sometimes posts of an old man and an old woman sitting on a park bench in the rain, mad at each other. The old man is still holding an umbrella over the old woman, however.

I smile every time I see that. His love and gentlemanly character supersede his frustration with her.
Here is it >>

Yeah.. this is so my husband too.. ha ha

I always end up feeling bad if I get mean with my husband....the vast majority of the time...it's more directed at the kids over him.. .like this morning...for the umpteenth time the youngest looses his glasses, just ready to get on the bus....then it sets me in a bad mood.. my husband sees I am moody... and this is our day together, till I leave for work...

Basically, he never deserves it... well a few times.. like when I set our "Spice Jar" on fire.. he deserved that one, for ignoring it for a year +.. . that meant something to me... darn him! ...Then one day I HAD IT !!@#$ ....it didn't help it was that time of the month... I unleashed alright ....probably got a little carried away.... but looking back.. it is kinda funny!.... the thing is, he always feels genuinely bad, torn up if I am hurting, he WANTS to make it right... always.....you can't help be "warmed" by that, gravitating to him.... but some things are still like "pulling teeth" ...so basically...he puts up with me and I put up with him... we'd both say "happily" though, and slap each other on the butt...

So this feeling of deep appreciation is always there, it moves me towards him.. he is my greatest comfort, and passion.. even if he pisses me off now & then... what I always say is.. just makes for some good make up sex !


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