Making the Same Lame Decisions - Talk About Marriage
The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

User Tag List

 47Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:30 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 19
Making the Same Lame Decisions

So I'm new to this forum... I hope someone can help me pinpoint why I'm doing the wrong things. My husband and I have been married for over a year and a half. We just had our first child in April... I haven't been to work so I've been surfing the internet and spending time on Facebook all day. We're members of a particular group which is mostly people our age who post memes and other randomness. One day out of the week is meant for posting freaky things like nudes or sexual stories or whatever. I don't really do that but I used to have the Whisper app on my phone. Something I did for fun was pretend to be a guy or use another woman's name... One of my postings on the app mentioned how I was "willing to do illegal things to pay off debt" and of course -- I got a ton of replies from men asking about it. Prostitution is obviously just implied as I wasn't specific at all about what I would do. I ended up entertaining a conversation where I declined an offer to go out of state. After I told the person no, he sent me an unsolicited picture of his penis. So I posted the conversation to the group page as I'd done with other conversations.

My husband doesn't check his social media often so he didn't know about the previous conversations. He was very upset and we got into an argument. I apologized and removed Whisper from my phone. The following week, someone in the FB group posted a short video about a woman who was involved in financial domination or findom. She basically made her living by having men send her money. I did some minimal research and opened a new FetLife account to try it out. I only made contact with one person but it didn't get anywhere. My husband found out about this by going through my phone and my browser history. We just talked about it and he wasn't happy. He thinks that it doesn't matter at this point what I do because I'm just going to do what I want. I ended up deleting that account tonight too.

The last thing that happened which I think he's unhappy about it that I went to a forum about obese husbands and sexless marriages. Our sex life is decent but it's been a bit rough lately since our child was born. His weight plays a minute factor. I've never viewed my husband as an unattractive man. I am worried about his weight and his health though. I've never even thought about an affair. But now that this has all occurred, I feel like he's even more unhappy... especially with me. Worst case is that he just gets fed up with me and leaves me and our baby. How can I stop making stupid decisions and show him that I mean it when I say I'm sorry for what I did wrong?

Hendrix is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:45 AM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,002
Re: Making the Same Lame Decisions

You stop making stupid decisions by not taking any action until you have really thought about it.

Like don't open any online account, or do any of that sort of stuff for 24 to 48 hours after you have the urge and/or thought to do it.

I do this with shopping. If I see something that I really want, I wait 24 hours to buy it. I figure if I still want it in 24 hours and it's worth getting in the car and driving to the store for, then I'll get it. 99% of the time, I could care less about the thing by the next day.

Do something like that about these things you are doing.
EleGirl is offline  
post #3 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:52 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 19
Re: Making the Same Lame Decisions

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
You stop making stupid decisions by not taking any action until you have really thought about it.

Like don't open any online account, or do any of that sort of stuff for 24 to 48 hours after you have the urge and/or thought to do it.

I do this with shopping. If I see something that I really want, I wait 24 hours to buy it. I figure if I still want it in 24 hours and it's worth getting in the car and driving to the store for, then I'll get it. 99% of the time, I could care less about the thing by the next day.

Do something like that about these things you are doing.
That's actually really smart... Not making a decision until 24 hours later.
Hendrix is offline  
 
post #4 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 12:56 AM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,002
Re: Making the Same Lame Decisions

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hendrix View Post
That's actually really smart... Not making a decision until 24 hours later.
Works for me all the time.


Are you bored at home with a home with a kid?
EleGirl is offline  
post #5 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 01:05 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 19
Re: Making the Same Lame Decisions

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
Works for me all the time.


Are you bored at home with a home with a kid?
Yeah... that was the reason I gave for posting the Whisper convo online. But after I said it it sounded kind of dumb. At that time, he said he was worried about what else I'd do if I got bored. Being home by myself with an infant isn't a bad thing. I like being home but it's a different feeling when he's actually here. I like when we're both home better than when he's not here.
Hendrix is offline  
post #6 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 01:20 AM
Member
 
Vinnydee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Posts: 647
Re: Making the Same Lame Decisions

How about starting by asking your husband about any decision that affects your marriage before you do anything. You are not all of a sudden going to become smart about your choices in life. That will take time and a lot of work but by then it may be too late. Seems like all your bad choices have something to do with sex and I have a feeling that your story minimizes that aspect. Findom is not just about money. It is about dominating desperate men for money in return for a picture of you or perhaps buying you something sexy. You become their mistress and instead of a whip, you take their money to dominate them. Professional mistresses list that as one of their services along with all the other sexual domination stuff. Seems that all of your bad choices have something to do with sex and I have a feeling that it was not all very innocent as you say. Everything you do has to do with sex in one form or another. No wonder your husband has had it with you. Hopefully you are an intelligent person who can work this out. If not, your future will not be very good. I have seen women go from making bad choices to becoming very successful in all that they do. I have also seen women who continue to make bad choices the rest of their lives. They never learn from their mistakes.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.

Last edited by Vinnydee; 05-17-2017 at 03:42 PM.
Vinnydee is offline  
post #7 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 02:52 AM
Forum Supporter
 
Satya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,607
Re: Making the Same Lame Decisions

Honest advice, you should quit the utterly destructive force called social media and get out more. What you're posting seems more than a bit childish.

Young child or not, my best friend lives in an incredibly remote area and after her first, managed to join mommy meetup groups that would organize park walks and other outings together.

Sitting on social media all day is satisfying your brain (dopamine), but it'll destroy your marriage, JMO.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
Satya is offline  
post #8 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 09:32 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 19
Re: Making the Same Lame Decisions

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satya View Post
Honest advice, you should quit the utterly destructive force called social media and get out more. What you're posting seems more than a bit childish.

Young child or not, my best friend lives in an incredibly remote area and after her first, managed to join mommy meetup groups that would organize park walks and other outings together.

Sitting on social media all day is satisfying your brain (dopamine), but it'll destroy your marriage, JMO.
I've definitely considered that. Shutting down social media for awhile would force me find another way to spend my time. I wouldn't mind hanging out with other first time moms, moms in general (who aren't my relatives), or other married couples. I really don't want us to separate because of something so stupid and we're still starting out. Neither of us have any intention on raising our daughter separately... so I have a lot to do if I want to make sure this works.
Hendrix is offline  
post #9 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 09:48 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,662
Re: Making the Same Lame Decisions

Many people consider any form of sexual interaction online to be a form of cheating.
uhtred is offline  
post #10 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 09:51 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 19
Re: Making the Same Lame Decisions

Quote:
Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
Many people consider any form of sexual interaction online to be a form of cheating.
I don't think he does... I'd never go and have and actually have an affair though. I really do love my husband.

Hendrix is offline  
post #11 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 09:57 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,662
Re: Making the Same Lame Decisions

Talk to him and make sure you are both on the same page about what is OK online.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hendrix View Post
I don't think he does... I'd never go and have and actually have an affair though. I really do love my husband.
uhtred is offline  
post #12 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 09:58 AM
Member
 
tropicalbeachiwish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: La La Land
Posts: 1,833
Re: Making the Same Lame Decisions

You definitely should remove yourself from this group that has Freaky Wednesday (or whatever day it is). You're liking the attention that you're getting & are feeding off of it, even if it's shocking & destructive. Get off the group and start thinking about what you're about to do before you do it. Put the vision of your husband & child into your mind and ask yourself how they would feel if you do whatever it is you're about to do. Then, act accordingly.

"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
tropicalbeachiwish is offline  
post #13 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 10:13 AM
Member
 
Rowan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Southeast
Posts: 2,657
Re: Making the Same Lame Decisions

OP, you and your husband need to sit down together and talk about what each of you thinks are rational boundaries for your marriage. That should have happened before the two of you tied the knot, but as it apparently didn't, then you need to have that conversation now. Find out what he wants his marriage to look like. Let him know what you'd like your marriage to look like. See if you two can agree on a common vision.

What is cheating? Is anything but actual PIV intercourse okay, or would something like oral sex be off-limits? How about making out - kissing, groping, etc.? Is sending out sexually explicit pictures of yourself okay? Would interacting online in a sexual way via web-cam or even just chat, with a member of the opposite sex, be cheating? Is having opposite sex friends that you spend time alone with acceptable? Is talking about your marital relationship and/or sex life with opposite sex friends okay? Is sharing the intimate and explicit details of your sexual relationship with others acceptable? Do either you believe that emotional affairs are actually cheating, and if so then what constitutes an emotional affair?

There's a lot to be considered when two people try to enter into a long-term relationship. You and your husband need to get on the same page regarding the nature of your marriage. Or, if you two find that you cannot agree on a set of boundaries that's acceptable to you both, you may find it simply better to go ahead and cut your losses sooner rather than later. There's no real future in a marriage where fundamental beliefs regarding what constitutes monogamy, and infidelity, are incompatible.

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi
Rowan is offline  
post #14 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 11:08 AM
Moderator
 
farsidejunky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 7,890
Re: Making the Same Lame Decisions

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hendrix View Post
At that time, he said he was worried about what else I'd do if I got bored.
Given your actions, I don't blame him.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
farsidejunky is offline  
post #15 of 32 (permalink) Old 05-17-2017, 11:19 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 280
Re: Making the Same Lame Decisions

So basically, you receive d!c p!cs, sign up for kinky sh!t and bad mouth his weight and sexual performance to another load of strangers. Way to go.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hendrix View Post
Yeah... that was the reason I gave for posting the Whisper convo online. But after I said it it sounded kind of dumb. At that time, he said he was worried about what else I'd do if I got bored.
So what was the real reason?

I'd have left you after the d!c p!c and fought for primary care.
TAM2013 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Tags
apologize, awful wife, facebook, idiot

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Husband is Making Little Effort Catcake86 Reconciliation 17 05-14-2016 02:56 AM
Insecure husband making me rethink 'us' amyline Considering Divorce or Separation 5 01-08-2016 06:37 PM
Am I making things worse... NVRlose Considering Divorce or Separation 7 12-18-2015 04:52 PM
I'm a deadbeat dad who wants to suicide before he's old enough to see who I am Minnion Life After Divorce 74 12-13-2015 11:57 PM
Should i be upset? Decisions about children hishersandours7 General Relationship Discussion 21 12-10-2015 08:37 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome