Am I over-reacting?

EleGirl · 02-06-2012, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PBear

Not a woman... But have you tried drawing up a list of chores and dividing them up between you? If his don't get done, let them be. And alternate days for providing supper. But keep your piece if he choses takeout instead of cooking. What difference is it, so long as you have dinner?

C
Posted via Mobile Device

The difference is that takeout can be much more expensive and not always healthy.

EleGirl · 02-06-2012, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlindSide

I wouldn't say so, but at the same time are you cleaning for him, you, friends, the marriage....

I took a good hard look at myself (since I was and technically still am in the situation your in) and found that I was cleaning to "keep his love". After talking with him I found out that he really couldn't care less if the house was dirty or clean as long as I was happy. That's when I decided to clean for me and the kids and not for "his love". I already had it! I love a clean house and my kids love it too, and that's what matters to both of us. (He's also tried to help a few times but two cracked frying pans and a broken vacuum cleaner later I told him to quit while he was ahead. LOL!)

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that it's not over reacting. I greatly dislike that term as it belittle real emotions. If you look at your motivations for cleaning and talk it over with him what he expects than you might come to some agreement. Then again, you might not. Whatever you do, don't let resentment eat at your marriage. Sit down and have a calm conversation with your husband. Your marriage is too precious to throw away over who mopped and who folded towels last.

Yes, and it's too precious for him to put all the household responsibilities on his wife as well. It's a two way street.

Happy_in_love · 02-06-2012, 11:48 PM

No you are not over-reacting. It can be very hurtful when you feel your partner doesn't listen or want to help you. Did you do counselling on the preperation before you got married? The reason I am asking is that in our counselling we did a lot ofpractical things to prepare yourself for marriage - we had to write a list of what we expect from our partners, what our mothers did traditionally in the house we gre up in,what our fathers did.These lists were then combined - and we were pretty surprised at the differences! It might be that this is usually what his mother did - an that might be why he expects you to do it. Also wemade a list of financial responsiilities,and house chores and decided before marriage - ho is going to do what.We review that lists every 6months and change our chores. The thing is we sorted this out before marriage,so we never argue about it,since both of us knew what we would be expected to do after marriage. Although you have been married for quite some time,maybe it's not too late, to draw up a list! The only time that we do some of the other partners chores, is if one of us is sick, or hasto work late,or sometimes just out of love - but no one expects this- and each of us has our job!
Ps: My husband cooks 3 times a week or whenever I ask him to help me cook - in exchange(we live on a farm) - I help him in the garden,with his cattle when the workers areon strike and with anything he asks me to help.He put our son to bed, and when he wakes up in the middle of the night we take turns to stand up at night. He has a full-time job since he is the owner of a transport business as well, I have a part-time bookkeeping job,I'm a HR manager for small 2 companies, and I'm starting my own business in a few months, we are pretty busy, but we still both do our chores.