I was this chic, not long ago.
When I first started dating and whatnot none of this stuff was an issue. I really was comfortable and secure - it never even crossed my mind that it was anything other just a movie or whathaveyou. In fact, in my early dating years, pornography wasn't even a problem with me.
Looking back, the insecurity started creeping in, in my second LTR (5 years). I watched my boyfriend, who initially had the freedom to do whatever he wanted, drift more towards porn - eventually becoming a full blown addiction before my very eyes. He stopped making love to me. Everytime I was in the shower, left the house, anytime I wasn't around, (and in the end, even when I was around) he was masturbating to porn. This damaged me badly. He no longer cared about anything else, and I mean ANYTHING. He didn't care about my feelings and I let myself deteriorate to the point where nudity in movies became a problem. It stuck with me for a looonngg time. I still struggle with all those feelings of inadequacy within myself. It hurt so much to know I was being replaced by broken women, whom I then started having an intense pity for. I didn't hate them - I saw they meant nothing and yet everything, and I began feeling that in myself.
I left that relationship, and the next one would be nearly identical - only this time I was paranoid about letting that happen again. I was insecure and sure I had to be on the lookout to make sure I wasn't being replaced.
When I married my husband I made it absolutely clear that porn was beyond a boundary I was comfortable with. Even though it has been an issue a few times, almost to the point of me leaving and never coming back, he understands I mean what I say. The insecurities grew as I learned he really could get off on anything - (once, a black and white newspaper ad with a woman in a bra - no big deal, but once I found out he masturbated to it, all hell broke loose).
I still struggle with this. When we watch movies I get sick to my stomach if anything sensual or erotic happens. I don't ask my husband to close his eyes, but if the scene doesn't pass quickly enough (and my threshold is admittedly low), I will tell him I feel uncomfortable. He gets irritated, and often trivializes my feelings, making it harder to get over because all I want is for him to understand how painful it is, even if it seems nuts. It's my reality, but fortunately I'm working on changing that. It is really hard to do!
The best thing my husband does is ask me if I'm ok when he knows something is likely to upset me, and he may even start a small conversation during one of these scenes, so he's looking at me, and I know what he's doing, and I feel glad that he is respectful - and guess what? I'm not as apprehensive as I was before. Don't get me wrong, I am still insecure, but how he treats me when I'm feeling that way is what makes it easier for me to cope with.
It's hard for me to remember how I used to be - unafraid, secure and unthreatened - but I am trying to find that person within me again. Thankfully my husband is mostly respectful, and for that I am grateful.
So I may not have been a big help, but I wanted to share my thoughts; unfortunately I can relate to your girlfriend's inner self, and I wish her the best of luck in getting through it. It's not as simple as just hearing "it's just a video/movie" - she is likely to feel invalidated and defensive. Try to be gentle. The more secure she feels with you, I think the more she'll relax.
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