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Old 01-21-2012, 10:18 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: DH cheated...I talked with other woman

He cheated and is probably still cheating. I'm sure he'll have somewhere to stay. I hate to be blunt like that but stop worrying about him. Worry about your and your sanity.

You just found papers about gifts for another woman. For god sake, get your big girl panties, put them on and...

Kick his butt out.
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Old 01-21-2012, 11:20 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: DH cheated...I talked with other woman

You guys are awesome! Thank you for all the thoughts/advice/honesty.
I will keep you posted. I am planning on talking to him tomorrow after church. Please pray for me to be bold and firm.
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Old 01-21-2012, 11:47 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Did you have the house before you married? If so it is not part of comunity property. I would make sure that you know what his financial situation is before making a move.

If he has a job and travels does he have out of town bank account? What about the amount of money he has spent pusuing thios wopman. If he paid for trips to meet her that is use of marital assets.

Although you live in a no fault community property state, the judge has a considerable amount of desecration when it comes to splitting the property.

If he has been cheating throughout the marriage, has spent time and money on the the OW that has a bearing on the spilt.

Don't throw him out until you get evidence about the finances. Do your homework and plan. The house is yours but he has a right to live there because it is his home. You can ask him to leave.

Start the divorce so that you get him out ASAP. Why are you concerned about someone who cares so little for yopu?

Going to a paster? He will tell you to work on it. You know that and that may be why you will go. But it is fruitless. If you are a believer then go to the bible.

The marriage was never true and he was cheating. A kind and loving God is suffering along with you. He is asking you to put yourself in his hands and be brave.

He is asking you to go directly to Him with your troubles. Trust Him to deliver on his promise.

"Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done." Matthew 12:21

"And he said, Come. And when Peter came down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" Matthew 14 29:31
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Last edited by Catherine602; 01-21-2012 at 11:56 PM.
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Old 01-21-2012, 11:58 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: DH cheated...I talked with other woman

Yea. My friend was being abused by her husband and their pastor said to reconcile Is he HIGH?

She asked the people at the church to stop praying for reconciliation but to pray for a smooth transition through the divorce for her and the kids.and for her husband to get serious help.
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Old 01-22-2012, 07:29 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Here's the latest:
After church today over lunch I contronted him. I prayed for strength, and was able to get through it. I told him that I knew he had been cheating for 1 1/2 out of our 2 1/2 year marriage. I also told him that I knew about him living with the 2 other (or however many) women before we married. I told him about the divorce decree I found that documented he had written checks out of a joint account to another woman as gifts. He broke the vows less than 1 year out of our marriage to go back to a woman that he had cheated with during his other marriage. I said I didn't see any way that this could work for us. Really, it was never a marriage at all. There was too much hurt for me to continue. I was not angry, I did not yell. He cried and was very hurt and asked me to give him a chance and forgive him. He is in shock, I think, that I would be this firm.
I am sad, I am hurt, I am scared, I am so many things right now, along with feeling sorry for him. He looked so pitiful.....
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Old 01-22-2012, 07:40 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: DH cheated...I talked with other woman

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Originally Posted by zoeyshope View Post
You guys are awesome! Thank you for all the thoughts/advice/honesty.
I will keep you posted. I am planning on talking to him tomorrow after church. Please pray for me to be bold and firm.
I assume you bought the house before you married. Is this right?

The house is yours. HOwever, any equity that accrued while you were married to him could be 50% his. You would have to buy him out of his portion.
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Old 01-22-2012, 07:44 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: DH cheated...I talked with other woman

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Originally Posted by zoeyshope View Post
Here's the latest:
After church today over lunch I contronted him. I prayed for strength, and was able to get through it. I told him that I knew he had been cheating for 1 1/2 out of our 2 1/2 year marriage. I also told him that I knew about him living with the 2 other (or however many) women before we married. I told him about the divorce decree I found that documented he had written checks out of a joint account to another woman as gifts. He broke the vows less than 1 year out of our marriage to go back to a woman that he had cheated with during his other marriage. I said I didn't see any way that this could work for us. Really, it was never a marriage at all. There was too much hurt for me to continue. I was not angry, I did not yell. He cried and was very hurt and asked me to give him a chance and forgive him. He is in shock, I think, that I would be this firm.
I am sad, I am hurt, I am scared, I am so many things right now, along with feeling sorry for him. He looked so pitiful.....
You were strong and did what you had it. It was hard but you did it. Do not back down now. He's a serial cheater and liar. You deserve so much more.


((((HUGS))))
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Old 01-22-2012, 08:01 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: DH cheated...I talked with other woman

Thank you, Ele Girl! Yes, the house was mine before we married. I have owned it for 4 1/2 years. There is very little equity I think...I will have to check. Other than that, we each have our own car note and insurance. I have him on my health insurance, so I need to consider that. We each have a credit card or 2 in our own names, so that should be no problem. I guess we will have to file our 2011 taxes together? My biggest worry right now is how to finish paying for my daughter's spring semester in college. Between DH income and mine, we do not qualify for school loans. By myself, I would qualify for a lot (for my daughter).

It was a very draining thing to do today.
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Old 01-22-2012, 09:10 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: DH cheated...I talked with other woman

Looks like splitting your finance is a no brainer. With the current housing market your house probably has not gained any equity in the last few years so there is probably nothing to split there.

It would be wise to file 2011 taxes together. If you did not you both would have to file married by seperate, the tax rate for that is higher than filing single... a LOT higher.

As soon as you seperate and/or file for divorce file a FAFSA for financial aid for your daughter. Talk to her school about how you file the data for a change of circumstances since you were married and living together last year and will not be this year. This makes filing for divorce ASAP pretty important.
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Old 01-22-2012, 09:13 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: DH cheated...I talked with other woman

Way to go!! Good job!

His tears are fake. He didn't learn his lesson in his last marriage...to take him back and believe his boo-hooing will just set you up again.
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Old 01-22-2012, 09:17 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Thank you, friends!!! Ele girl, you're right about filing! I didn't think about the FAFSA, but will contact the school, and gov.edu about my circumstances.
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Old 01-22-2012, 09:18 PM   #27 (permalink)
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that girl...thank you. I still feel sorry for him, but realize he won't change
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Old 01-22-2012, 09:19 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: DH cheated...I talked with other woman

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that girl...thank you. I still feel sorry for him, but realize he won't change
You should feel sorry for him. He's pathetic.
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:37 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: DH cheated...I talked with other woman

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It would be wise to file 2011 taxes together. If you did not you both would have to file married by seperate, the tax rate for that is higher than filing single... a LOT higher.
you dont have to file separately.
you can file single. head of household.
you can claim the house credits.
you can claim your child.
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Old 01-22-2012, 10:53 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: DH cheated...I talked with other woman

Stay strong! I think it's wonderful that you realize how damaging your husband to your relationship and life. I wish I was as strong as you and left my husband when I first found out he was an abuser. Unfortunately, I fell for his "tears and sadness" lies.
Kudos to you or being strong!!
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