Hi everyone
I'm 30 years old, i've been with my husband for 12 years, married for 8 (at the end of this month).
We've been on a rollercoaster over the past 12 years. I have always been a faithful, committed and very caring, loving, honest person however in 2007 i had an affair due to the state of my marriage at that time. It was very out of character and something i am not proud of and would never repeat.
Basically our relationship became very one sided. I am married to a chef who works very long hours and in a nutshell his job came first and i was pushed out. No contact unless i called or text him, days off together were becoming far and few between, he became addicted to online poker, which although financially it was under control he used his spare time to partake, leaving less time with me. I spoke to my husband about it all, begged him to pay more attention to our marriage... however nothing changed! I was a married woman leading the life of a single woman!
Someone paid me the right attention at the right time, telling me everything i wanted to hear - that's how it begun! I do feel it that we both had a part to play in my affair, i struggle to know that i became a person i vowed i never would, however i know that i would never have done such a thing if my husband had acknowledged my existence.
I had depression.... but, he forgave me, i forgave him, i got better and we went from strength to strength. We have a beautiful 2 year old and i have a husband who has never thrown my affair in my face!! He is a good man, i am lucky however he's a bit rubbish at being attentive sometimes!!
I have to accept the hours he works, i know that but i do find it hard as i miss him. I also miss the person i used to be - fun, not taking things too seriously, not nagging and snapping over silly things... I know having a baby, being tired (and intimacy is far less due to this), few financial strains.. can all take its toll but i want 'me' back and i think that will make things a little better in our marriage. We are bickering with each other way too much and it's getting us both down. I feel the fun has been zapped and i know i am equally to blame.
I've decided that i am going back to my old self again and see how that affects us. No nagging, i will pick my battles (not nag over a dish :-/ ), flirt more, reserve more time for intimacy, not moan about him watching football, not moan about myself and dieting (more confidence in myself around him)... If over the next few weeks i start bringing out the best in him again and i feel better then i know i need to make sure i get myself back full time in order for us to work properly and for me to feel good.
I hope to gain something from this forum, as much as my husband and i love each other and our daughter, things aren't as right as they should be.
Thanks for listening, any comments or advice gratefully received.
I'm 30 years old, i've been with my husband for 12 years, married for 8 (at the end of this month).
We've been on a rollercoaster over the past 12 years. I have always been a faithful, committed and very caring, loving, honest person however in 2007 i had an affair due to the state of my marriage at that time. It was very out of character and something i am not proud of and would never repeat.
Basically our relationship became very one sided. I am married to a chef who works very long hours and in a nutshell his job came first and i was pushed out. No contact unless i called or text him, days off together were becoming far and few between, he became addicted to online poker, which although financially it was under control he used his spare time to partake, leaving less time with me. I spoke to my husband about it all, begged him to pay more attention to our marriage... however nothing changed! I was a married woman leading the life of a single woman!
Someone paid me the right attention at the right time, telling me everything i wanted to hear - that's how it begun! I do feel it that we both had a part to play in my affair, i struggle to know that i became a person i vowed i never would, however i know that i would never have done such a thing if my husband had acknowledged my existence.
I had depression.... but, he forgave me, i forgave him, i got better and we went from strength to strength. We have a beautiful 2 year old and i have a husband who has never thrown my affair in my face!! He is a good man, i am lucky however he's a bit rubbish at being attentive sometimes!!
I have to accept the hours he works, i know that but i do find it hard as i miss him. I also miss the person i used to be - fun, not taking things too seriously, not nagging and snapping over silly things... I know having a baby, being tired (and intimacy is far less due to this), few financial strains.. can all take its toll but i want 'me' back and i think that will make things a little better in our marriage. We are bickering with each other way too much and it's getting us both down. I feel the fun has been zapped and i know i am equally to blame.
I've decided that i am going back to my old self again and see how that affects us. No nagging, i will pick my battles (not nag over a dish :-/ ), flirt more, reserve more time for intimacy, not moan about him watching football, not moan about myself and dieting (more confidence in myself around him)... If over the next few weeks i start bringing out the best in him again and i feel better then i know i need to make sure i get myself back full time in order for us to work properly and for me to feel good.
I hope to gain something from this forum, as much as my husband and i love each other and our daughter, things aren't as right as they should be.
Thanks for listening, any comments or advice gratefully received.