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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-22-2012, 08:40 AM Thread Starter
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Sick & tired of being sick & tired

In short I married a dysfunctional man with lots of emotional issues. When my DH & I first got together, there were a lot of red flags. However, I chose to ignore them since he and I had been friends for so long (we have been friends since middle school). For some odd twisted reason, I thought he would be different with me. But I was so wrong!

My DH and I didn't start living together until about a month before we got married. So most of his f*cked up ways didn't come out until after we were married. He doesn't put his hands on me but he certainly is still an abuser (emotionally & mentally). He has an alcohol problem and loses control when he starts drinking with his friends (most of his friends have alcohol issues too). He doesn't know when to stop & drinks himself into a stupor. When he does this, he doesn't come home at all until 10 or 11 the next morning hung over.

I am getting so tired of him staying out all night drinking. Just last night he went out with a buddy. He called me at 11:45 saying he was on his way is 9:34 am now & he still isn't home. He called me & kept on saying "I love you". If he loves me he has some messed up ways of showing it. It's like I married a defiant teenager that shows no respect. Lately, he has been averaging 2 nights a month where he stays out all night. I know whose house he crashes at but sometimes I can't help but to think that maybe he is cheating too.

I can't trust his word...he is reliably unreliable. When alcohol comes into the picture, he has no self control what so ever. I am getting to the point that I want to leave him. I have a 9 month old daughter & I don't want her growing up in this type of environment. She deserves so much better.

I plan on making an appt with a divorce lawyer to be well informed on how to pursue this. But although I love my DH, I can't do this anymore.

Anyone else have words of advice for me?

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-22-2012, 08:54 AM
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Re: Sick & tired of being sick & tired

That sounds exactly like my EX husband! When he came home the next morining, he'd be spending the night at other women's places or stay in the car all night. My ex was very verbally abusive and very unfaithful.

I left. It took me a year, but I packed up my daughter and clothes. I left everything else behind. I'm so much happier now and married a man who puts my needs before his. A true man!
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-22-2012, 09:30 AM
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Re: Sick & tired of being sick & tired

Well he aint gonna change his ways if he dont want to, he is an alcoholic and cannot handle alcohol like a normal person would, if he dont stop drinking and you stay with him you are gonna have a miserable life and down the road maybe 10 yrs or 20yrs later you will realize that nothing is gonna chnage him and you just wasted those 10 or 20yrs... I'd recomend that you google "alanon" its a good place to start, please do it and then decide for yourself if thats what you need
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-22-2012, 01:41 PM
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Re: Sick & tired of being sick & tired

I just got out of a 6 year abusive relationship.
If there is any one single advice I can give you it is to divorce him.
Odds are he isn't going to change and in many emotionally abusive relationships as time passes it turns into physical violence.
I do advise you to get the divorce lawyer if he will dispute the divorce.
Be prepared for a rough ride, he sounds like my ex and he will try to get you back and say how sorry he is and he will change. It will hurt and break you because you have deep feelings for him but Do not faulter, this is not only about him, it's about your life. Do what you need to be in a happy relationship, not a miserable one.
Good luck sweetie.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-23-2012, 01:09 AM
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Re: Sick & tired of being sick & tired

Abusive and alcoholic??? Communicate with him and tell him you will no longer tolerate his behavior and set some clear boundries. If he refuses, file for divorce and move on with your life!
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-23-2012, 07:19 AM
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Re: Sick & tired of being sick & tired

Separate and get yourself into Alanon. You have been emotionally and mentally damaged by this. You will need help and support from others going through similar issues. Also counseling is probably something you need for yourself as well. You can't fix him, but you can learn to help yourself and heal.

"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten."
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-23-2012, 02:35 PM
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Re: Sick & tired of being sick & tired

Originally Posted by Tap1214 View Post
Abusive and alcoholic??? Communicate with him and tell him you will no longer tolerate his behavior and set some clear boundries. If he refuses, file for divorce and move on with your life!
I agree fully with this ^^^!!! Take care of you and get to an Alanon meetings too. They have a website so you can get the numbers for your local branch and attend a beginners meeting in your area that fits your schedul.
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