Bottled Up

I know, this isn't about orgasms anymore but I thought you ladies would like to hear some closure on this thread...

I'm happy to report that I gave the massage another go on Saturday night and my wife absolutely loved it!

It took me the better part of the day to get over my angst over the big let-down the night before, but I finally sucked it up and talked myself into calming down. Even though the surprise was gone I still managed to make it special. I actually played off of the disastrous let down from the night before and wrote a whole script of "ground rules" to recite to my wife when she got in the bed. For your reading pleasure, here's the dialogue I read:

"1) This massage is all about you, just you, and only you. This is not about sex... so please toss out any thoughts of ulterior motives and just clear your mind to enjoy simply a pampering made for you.

2) You are naked and I am highly attracted to you. This may result in an occasional erection but please ignore this, it is completely normal behavior and does not mean I have ulterior motives for this pampering.

3) You may hear the occasional Pandora radio commercial. I apologize for this inconvenience, as I'm a cheap bastard and refuse to pay for the ad-free service.

4) I am not a professional masseuse... I may need your guidance along the way if you are not enjoying something, so I can learn what pleases you. My hope is perhaps we can make this a weekly scheduled pampering for you if you enjoy the experience.

But last and most importantly, relax your body, enjoy my touch, and know that I love you deeply and your happiness is incredibly important to me."

So yeah, needless to say the evening went off without a hitch and it was a wonderful experience for us both. She got a no-strings-attached pampering of love and I got to experience every curve and tone of her body with my eyes and hands. It was fantastic, and damn right I plan on making this a weekly thing for her.

Oh and she was so turned on that we had sex afterwards anyway, but she totally initiated it not me! And no, she didn't even try to orgasm... she just wanted me in her I think.

Damn I love my wife... our life.

SimonLLL

Bottled up -sorry, latecomer(!) on this one.

It could be that you are trying a bit too hard. She knows what you're reading at night - so there's extra pressure there. Always trying to make it better doesn't always lead to better quality love-making in that oh-so-important erogenous zone: the brain!

Back off a little. Read something more 'entertaining' in bed.

She's probably feeling overwhelmed by the expectation but too polite/meek to say so.

I understand about choice of contraception. Does the IUD have a chemical barrier, like a spermicide, incorporated in to it? She may be having a small reaction to this which is desensitising (I'm guessing here).

OK - and I just read your recent success story, but I hope something of my comment helps!!

SimonLLL

Oh - and...

Maybe try something a little different each week. Have some fun with it.

Meet separately at a bar & bistro and pretend to be strangers, as it were, meeting for the first time and then keen to discover all about each other.

You've had some other great suggestions, but maybe a chick-flick night for her with wine and chocs while you go out somewhere and leave her to it.

If she's had a rough day, run a scented bath for her before the massage.

Order gourmet food in and pretend you're at a posh restaurant, with candles etc.

All with no expectation other than you outlined in your success story.

All said, I'm bloody happy for you both. She's a lucky lady - there are not too many like you out there!

nightshift

Bottled up,
So happy to read your last post. What a wonderful gift you gave her! As a woman, I would love for my husband to do something so selfless, thoughful, and sweet for me. Keep up the great work - it will bring so many benefits that you don't even expect!

As a side note, I have always had difficulty orgasming via sex, no matter what position. In fact, in the 20+ years I've been having sex, I've orgasmed from intercourse alone twice. I require alot of clitoral stimulation - to the point that I have to use a vibrator to get enough stimulation to orgasm at all. I have talked to my health care provider about this as well as a counselor - both assure me this is completely normal for women. May I suggest that you continue to use the vibrating ring/toy you mentioned during sex itself? There are so many varieties available if the one you currently have isn't a good fit. I highly recommend the vibrating bullet-type toys; she can control the speed and amount of stimulation the entire time which helps ensure she's not getting too little or too much vibration.

I wish you continued success in improving your sex life with your wife!