My husband and I were married five months ago after dating for five years. During the time that I have known him, he has always been critical. However, I thought I could deal with it..
After we got married, things got much worse. My husband began to criticize me for EVERYTHING i did. Some examples are: yelling at me for "walking too loud", not washing the dishes "correctly", for "talking too loud", for "being lazy", not folding his clothes the right way, not cooking the right way, for "banging my fork against my plate", and even for sighing. The list is far too long, but he literally criticizes me for everything I do. I have tried to talk to him about it but he just says that I'm "being dramatic" and he starts screaming at me and calling me a "stupid C****".
He also is completely unwilling to listen to anything I say and is never there for me emotionally. If I come home from school (im a full time grad student) and try to discuss my frustrations when I've had a bad day, he asks me why I am "yelling" and to be quiet. I know that I am not yelling, but if I say anything that he deems negative, he shuts down and walks away or turns the tv up and ignores me. The only time that he listens to me is if I basically act like the world is perfect and dont say anything "negative".
I have lost all of my friends because I am so depressed that I just don't want to talk to anyone. Even on the rare occasion that I invite them over, they refuse my invitation because they do not like him. I have had many people in my life witness our interactions and tell me that they think he is highly critical of myself and everyone around him.
We tried going to therapy but it didnt seem to help. Three therapists have told him that he tries to rationalize my feelings and if he would not react to situations the way I do, that he rejects my feelings. Basically, they told him that he needs to work on being more empathetic and putting himself in my shoes. He became defensive and refused to go back to therapy, even though every therapist we have seen has also pointed out some mistakes I was making as well.
At this point, I do not know what to do. I feel like I'm losing my mind because everytime I try to talk to him he just shuts me out. And on the rare occasion that he apologizes to me he just says "I'm sorry, drop it and shut up".
It has gotten to the point that I dont even know if I love him anymore. We don't have fun and we have zero intimacy in our relationship. When we try to be intimate, he criticizes the way I am "performing".
I don't want to get a divorce but I don't know what to do. And what is even more frustrating is that I am in my last semester of grad school for counseling psychology! I understand the mechanisms behind his behavior..I understand that he is highly self critical and that he projects his criticism onto everything in his environment, which is a result of his father being very critical of him when he was growing up..but when I try to resolve the situation he just calls me stupid and won't listen.
Any advice?
After we got married, things got much worse. My husband began to criticize me for EVERYTHING i did. Some examples are: yelling at me for "walking too loud", not washing the dishes "correctly", for "talking too loud", for "being lazy", not folding his clothes the right way, not cooking the right way, for "banging my fork against my plate", and even for sighing. The list is far too long, but he literally criticizes me for everything I do. I have tried to talk to him about it but he just says that I'm "being dramatic" and he starts screaming at me and calling me a "stupid C****".
He also is completely unwilling to listen to anything I say and is never there for me emotionally. If I come home from school (im a full time grad student) and try to discuss my frustrations when I've had a bad day, he asks me why I am "yelling" and to be quiet. I know that I am not yelling, but if I say anything that he deems negative, he shuts down and walks away or turns the tv up and ignores me. The only time that he listens to me is if I basically act like the world is perfect and dont say anything "negative".
I have lost all of my friends because I am so depressed that I just don't want to talk to anyone. Even on the rare occasion that I invite them over, they refuse my invitation because they do not like him. I have had many people in my life witness our interactions and tell me that they think he is highly critical of myself and everyone around him.
We tried going to therapy but it didnt seem to help. Three therapists have told him that he tries to rationalize my feelings and if he would not react to situations the way I do, that he rejects my feelings. Basically, they told him that he needs to work on being more empathetic and putting himself in my shoes. He became defensive and refused to go back to therapy, even though every therapist we have seen has also pointed out some mistakes I was making as well.
At this point, I do not know what to do. I feel like I'm losing my mind because everytime I try to talk to him he just shuts me out. And on the rare occasion that he apologizes to me he just says "I'm sorry, drop it and shut up".
It has gotten to the point that I dont even know if I love him anymore. We don't have fun and we have zero intimacy in our relationship. When we try to be intimate, he criticizes the way I am "performing".
I don't want to get a divorce but I don't know what to do. And what is even more frustrating is that I am in my last semester of grad school for counseling psychology! I understand the mechanisms behind his behavior..I understand that he is highly self critical and that he projects his criticism onto everything in his environment, which is a result of his father being very critical of him when he was growing up..but when I try to resolve the situation he just calls me stupid and won't listen.
Any advice?