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Hobby getting out of control?

7K views 39 replies 14 participants last post by  Freak On a Leash 
#1 ·
I apologize if this post is seen as intrusive since I am not a lady in the ladies' lounge but I feel I need a female perspective on this question.

When my middle son moved out several months ago my wife became somewhat depressed. We both feel she was experiencing a little empty nest syndrome. We went online and did some reading and one of the suggestions was that she might consider taking up a hobby. She liked that idea and decided to take up photography. I was very supportive and helped her as much as I could. She seemed happier and more at ease so I felt good that she felt good.

However, as time has gone on she has turned this hobby into an obsession; at least in my opinion. Now it seems wherever we go she brings her camera. I wouldn't mind but her new hobby has started intruding quite a bit into our time together. For example, we have always shared walks together at a local hiking trail. Not only is this good exercise but it allows us to talk about things away from the house. We often resolve issues and discuss our troubles during these long walks. Lately though she has been bringing that camera with her every time we go. Instead of having nice conversations we end up stopping every few minutes while she takes a few pictures. Our leisurely strolls have turned into me escorting her while she practices her hobby.

When we went to visit my parents she, of course, brought the camera. When we are home she is always taking pictures so much so that when I go looking for her for some reason or another I invariably find her outside snapping off a few shots. For several years now I have always called her at a specific time so we can talk about plans for later that day or any issues that need to be addressed asap. Now I find more often than not she doesn't answer her phone because she is taking pictures. The other night she stayed up well past the time we normally go to bed because she was taking pictures that just had to be done right at that time for some reason.

I have talked to her about my concerns that she is going too far but her reply to me is always that it's better than her being depressed and eventually the excitement will wear off and she will slow down a bit. On the one hand I am happy she has found something that pleases her and takes her mind off her woes. On the other hand I am very concerned that if she doesn't start balancing things out it will get even more out of hand and will really affect our relationship. Since I have already spoken to her how can I let her know how serious I feel this is without ruining her new found pleasure and/or without her becoming resentful? I would like some opinions on how I should handle this touchy issue?
 
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#40 ·
I think you handled it well. I don't think your problem is quite the same as mine was.

For years my husband and I did almost everything separately. We were on the verge of divorce and when we decided to reconcile we threw the pendulum waay to the other side..from one extreme to the other. It just wasn't working for either of us.

We've gone back and forth since our separation and the pendulum seems to have settled someplace in the middle. I guess everyone has to figure out where their balance lies.

I know I couldn't deal with a man who wanted to restrict me and my independent hobbies. My husband often points out that I wouldn't WANT him to give up everything to be with me because that means I'd have to do the same and that didn't and wouldn't work.

So I guess we are in sync in that respect. :)

BTW, I find it amusing that my husband seems to have acquired an interest in photography as well. He joined a photography club and takes a lot of pictures and has been pricing used camera equipment. I bought him a camera bag for Christmas. He's always been the "picture taker" in our family. I have no interest at all so it works for me because without him we'd never have any pictures. :)
 
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