Almostrecovered

start investigating

get a keylogger on the computers
put a VAR and GPS in the car

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My story

CMacadamia

Nobody commented on the cialis and the fact that there have been times he will not take it and there is nothing wrong with his erection. Anyone have experience in this department?

* He originally said he was having problems with the plumbing and that is why he wasn't being intimate with me.
* After the umpteenth discussion he finally went to the doctor reluctantly,(I can have some compassion here cause it would be uncomfortable for him), and got a perscription for cialis.
*The lack of sex didn't improve, the actions that he displays leave me feeling that he has sex with me out of pity and only to appease me after I am truthful about how I feel rejected. No cuddling, talking, touching and he will most times physicall push me away if I get affectionate with him (sit on his lap, kiss him, try to cuddle etc) One time we had sex and he hadn't taken a pill and there was nothing wrong with his erection. How does that happen if a man has erectile dyfunction?! Were the cialis pills just a ploy to provide an ongoing excuse to avoid intimacy? By the way he has full medical coverage so the pills cost us $0.

CMacadamia

I should clarify, he wasn't referring to her thinking I would hit it off with a client that was a man. She was referring to one of her clients wives that I would hit it off with

CMacadamia

I should clarify, he wasn't referring to her thinking I would hit it off with a client that was a man. She was referring to one of her clients wives that I would hit it off with

Tall Average Guy

By itself, this does not mean he is cheating. As I understand it, a man can have ED and still be able to perform from time to time. So in isolation, he could be shying away from any sort of intimacy due to his personal issues with this. He also would not be the first man to not want to address or admit to this problem.

But that assumes everything else is fine, which it is not. The lack of a wedding ring coupled with this tells you everything. He is looking around.

I really think you need to investigating, as AR noted. Heck, in my opinion, you have enough to end it if you want. You have a roommate, not a husband, so why keep up the sham.

Hope1964

My husband took his wedding ring off and told me it bothered him to wear it (chafed his finger) while he was cheating, and even before that, he said he didn't feel married to me or some such nonsense. Now he wears it ALL the time and if he forgets it he panics that I am going to freak on him.

I also think you need to do some sleuthing. Those butt scratches are a huge red flag.

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Understanding the Pain - required reading for WS's
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bellamaxjoy

My husband had an EA for probably about a year, before I started to realize it. One of the things he did was take off his ring and "forget" it. He also was texting alot, and instead of on his laptop down stairs was on his computer upstairs, and would change screens when I came in the room. He turned 51 and was also having plumbing problems: we got cialis and he could do it. NOW, after telling you all this, it does sound like your man is at least getting his ego stroked by another woman, if not an affair, emotional or physical. BUT we fixed it! We are good now, it was a struggle to fix, and is still in process. What happened to him was a mid life crisis. He was looking at some of what he saw as failures and tied me up in that mess, because he felt life had not fulfilled what he thought he should have had/done so far. Of course a new woman listened better, and poor babied him, and he NEVER discussed those things he discussed with her, with me. So I do think yes your husband is having some sort of affair, it may not be sexual yet. And he will not admit it until you have some sort of proof, again please believe me. When I first started reading your story I though it was me, I am 48 my hubs 51. It is the age, no excuse mind you, but it happens so much. Try looking at your husbands computer history, and try to get a look at his phone, if he keeps no old emails and clears the computer and phone history, he is hiding something. Good luck to you
Sorry one more thing, my husband no longer needs cialis with me anymore, we are doing great. But if he takes cialis, now it is because we both want an extended session and to make sure that he will be "taken care of".

Enginerd

The thing no really talks about is why Cialis and Viagra are so successful in the marketplace. There really aren't that many men around with serious ED. I think the majority of men take it because they are no longer physically attracted to their wife. Its the big secret that most doctors understand but won't talk about. My friend and I call it a "marital aid".

SimplyAmorous

6 causes of ED listed in this link >>>

More on causes of ED


Signs of cheating and " Infidelity tests" (never heard of that before but just stumbled upon it!) ....

Spouse Infidelity Symptoms

hurtnohio

The things you mentioned by themselves could have a totally innocent explanation.

ED is complex and could come and go, based on physical condition and even emotional anxiety. Having him be able to have sex without taking Cialis is not completely alarming.

There might - emphasize MIGHT - be a legitimate reason to stop wearing your wedding ring. I work with a woman who is passionately in love with her husband, yet she doesn't wear a wedding ring because it chafes her finger.

He might be genuinely interested in Jenny as a work colleague and nothing more.

The scratches on his butt ---- OK I'd need to think about that one.

But what concerns me is that they're all happening together. They're adding up to a pattern that might not be good. But I don't think you have quite enough evidence to make any accusations yet.

I'd advise you to keep your concerns to yourself for now (hard though it may be) and dig a little deeper. Your intuition is telling you something is wrong, and there is enough circumstantial evidence to justify looking a little deeper. Just don't confront until you have more evidence.

Thor

It sounds suspicious to me. The only way to know is to either gather information via spy technology (keylogger, voice activated recorder, etc), or for him to confess.

As to the plumbing, that can be a real thing. The drugs only make the chemicals available, they don't cause the erection btw. Testosterone is a big player, and in the morning his testosterone will be higher. So he might have a good erection in the morning but not be able to perform at night. Or if he goes to the gym his T may spike and he does ok performing soon after. The other thing is if he gets really turned on he might perform ok without the drugs but in other situations he needs the drugs. So I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he was making excuses when he said he had plumbing problems.

BTW, I want your prescription coverage! I need a little boost in that department these days and it costs a lot.

You have the right to a good relationship and a happy marriage. If he will not get on board with building it better, you should not stick around forever. Give him a fair chance and give it a go, but if he doesn't show real motivation and some hard work, you can feel secure knowing you did everything possible and he chose not to participate. So you can leave with a clear conscience.

ocotillo

If you decide to gather information surreptitiously, (e.g. surveillance software and recording devices) be sure to talk to an attorney familiar with the laws in your state first.

There is a widespread internet notion that the legality of these methods hinges on property law. (i.e. If you either own or co-own the computer or phone)

That is completely untrue and anyone who tells you otherwise, does not know what they're talking about.

strugglinghusband

What does your gut tell you? not the emotions, but deep down... 99.999% of the time, its spot on.

waiwera

Most importantly...do YOU think your H is cheating?

Although i think you've already answered that.

If your 'gut' is telling you all this... I be amazed if he wasn't.
Way toooooo many red flags...well great big huge banners really.

Sorry your going through this...it sucks!

Are you going to go on the trip?? How long is it for?

okeydokie

"I did resort to leaving him for 7 months but came back."

why did you leave for 7 months? what made you come back?