Re: MY husband said he wish i would die
I want to commend you on protecting your children above all else. In all this mess and lies and anger, you thought enough of your children to realize this was an environment they should not have to grow up in.
The reason this touched me is because I was raised in a house with a man like your husband. My father was verbally and physically abusive to us children. He was always angry and we had to walk on eggshells. He called us horrible names and made our lives hell. My mother never did a thing to help us kids. Now I am 44, brother is 40, sister is 33 and we all can't stand to visit my parents and they get angry at us and wonder why. My father's exact words: "I have three children who don't want anything to do with me, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM?"
And my mother, to this day, puts his feelings above ours and tries to guilt us into kissing my dad's ass. So again, I am glad you are being a good mother even though your world is spiralling out of control.
In my experience, people like your husband (bullies) are not willing to change. It is everyone else around them that should change to fit their world. Getting help for yourself will do wonders. I had 5 years of therapy and was given so many tools to work with. You need to get to know yourself. Living with bullies like him will make you lose your self identity because you are always doing things to make him happy that you forget that you need to be happy too.
I wish you love and luck my friend.