My first marriage was to a man who was kind, considerate, loving, affectionate, and very giving. He lost his dad 11 days before our marriage and never quite got over it..was thrown into a family business he'd helped his dad run..yet running it on his own was a completely different story and in the changing economy we were experiencing at the time, he lost it. From there he took a nose dive and turned to every type of self medication he could get his hands on. He turned bitter and angry..slept with countless other women..and basically hated himself along with life and everyone around him..and eventually ran his life into the ground.
I could have hated him for all the things he did to me, but more than anything I felt sorry for him and tried to stick it out but he was taking me down with him, was unappreciative, nasty, and just plain unbearable to live with so eventually we ended up in divorce. He didn't seem to care as he'd taken me for everything I had..and moved in with and married a woman he'd met on the internet to be his new "sugar mama".
Again, as angry as I should have been with the whole situation..I was the one that felt like a failure and in the process, lost sight of who I was in the long run.
I got counseling, got myself on meds, and pretty much just stayed at home and hybernated while I tried to find myself again..before even beginning to think about dating again.
Eventually I met who I thought was this really nice funny guy that made me laugh like no tomorrow. We had a lot of great times together and spent a lot of time at home watching movies, making dinners together, and generally having great times.
That was for about three months..until the wrapper came off.
He started being defensive and a braggart. Things were all about him. He could do this better..that better. Started telling me how to dress, how to wear my hair. He wanted me to quit the good job I had and work for myself on some internet thing he thought was so great. When I told him that I loved my job he'd call me stupid.
Then the next day he'd be all nicey nice, tell me he was sorry, and that he was in "depressed mode". Of course I forgave him, but then he started drinking beer after beer at night while he spent all kinds of time on the internet talking to other women. He said it helped him sleep at night. He'd get up at the crack of dawn 3-4 am and start cleaning his house. I could hear him in there complaining because I wasn't up by at least 5 saying, "Yeah..she sleeps in there and I gotta get things done!!"
He wanted me over at his house everynight and said if I wasn't there..he missed cuddling with me. Then one night I showed up and he yelled at me saying, "Why are you always HERE??!! It's like you hover all the time..can't you sleep at your own place once??? I mean, where the heck am I gonna go...don't you trust me??? We've been together six months and you've been here every single night!!!! Just get out of here..you drive me crazy...I don't want you here anymore..it's done..it's over..we're finished....you just don't get it~~~!!!"
This coming from a guy who just a week before had asked me to move in with him and be his wife (um...not!!!)..when I had wanted to sleep in my own place for a few nights..."Just come over honey...I like to lay next to you.."
That was the end of it for me..or so I thought. I few weeks later I ran into an old friend of mine. We decided to hang out..just as friends and before too long he was asking if I wanted to take it to the next level. I wanted to take it a little slower than that and thank God I did as he turned out to be a blazing alcoholic!! Even when we'd go for walks with our dogs he had to bring this big blazing alcoholic drink with him that blew my hair back just from the smell!! We went out to eat a few times and he'd always keep his money in his pocket, expecting me to buy...said he was tired of buying all the time for his ex wife and it was time someone else bought once..being the good friend I was..since he was flat broke from his divorce (yeah right..that and his drinking habits!!)
I was pretty sick and tired of men for a long time after that!! Not only sick and tired of being treated like crap due to the fact that sometimes I'm so nice, it's to a fault..not only by the man I was married to, dating, or even by someone I was just hanging out with as friends. I was angry with their audacity!!! I was angry that just because you hung out with someone..there was nothing wrong with a little "friends with benefits, huh??"
At one point in time, men made me sick the way they wanted me to always be there for them to drop off a movie for them (and if I forgot, "G*******!!!", to do their dishes and put them in all the right places or I'd hear about that too (where did you put my salsa bowl????), to make sure their houses were clean, to make sure I looked all pretty when we went out together (don't you ever wear them boots again...God I hate them boots!!!). I wanted to say, "It's THOSE boots..not THEM!!!"
I'd cook them a turkey dinner so they could take sandwiches for lunch and they'd say, "Oh...I thought you were gonna cook a whole turkey..like in slices...not that messed up stuff in the gravy that gets all over my shirt.."
Or how about, "Why don't you get some of that sexy loungerie (sp)...ya know I like that stuff..." Why..while you walk around in those tightie whities that are practically gray from being washed so much?? While they want us to be all skinny and stuff..and while they pig out on burgers and fries and everything on the closest buffet..burp and f*** while their guts hang out way over the tops of those sexy tighty whities they wear.
I remember being angry with men for a really long time..and in a way..I still am..with some. I was to the point where I'd rather have been single for the rest of my life, and planned on it since I didn't want to ever have to hurt from crap that lousy men handed out ever again.
There are happy endings though..and the happy ending to this very long rant is that I've since met the love of my life and he isn't any of the above. He's kind, understanding, giving, funny, a wonderful father and an even better future husband. We plan to get married this summer.
Sure, he has his faults like we all do, but I just want you all to know that there ARE wonderful men out there and if you can get a laugh from my post..please do as it is kinda funny!!
Hang in their ladies!!