The girls night out debacle... - Page 2
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »The Ladies' Lounge » The girls night out debacle...

The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

Like Tree332Likes

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-09-2012, 04:24 PM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 
Hope1964's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 6,663
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by PaGuy View Post
Why do guys get upset when there wives/girlfriend go out ? I have no idea, maybe a guilty conscious ?
Maybe they're a control freak?

Maybe they have mommy issues?

Maybe they really care about their spouse?

And it's conscience. Conscious is what you are before your wife knocks you out cold. Just to cite a random example.
__________________
Our R

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy ~ Bob Hope
You only lose what you cling to.
Hope1964 is offline   Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-09-2012, 04:31 PM   #17 (permalink)
Lon
Member
 
Lon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 5,934
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by PaGuy View Post
I have no problem with my wife going out, she can do as she wants, come and go as she pleases. I 100% trust her and never had any reason not too. Although she does it, she does not abuse it, maybe things would different if it was all the time. Why do guys get upset when there wives/girlfriend go out ? I have no idea, maybe a guilty conscious ?
I never had a problem when mine did either, only thing is I would sometimes get upset that she was gone too often and I would miss her. It wasn't until after I discovered she was using those GNOs to hone her cheating skills that it became a problem.
Lon is online now   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-09-2012, 04:43 PM   #18 (permalink)
Member
 
okeydokie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,169
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

sounds like they are manning up to me.

seriously, dancing? dancing with other men? think about that
okeydokie is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-09-2012, 04:45 PM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,589
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by PaGuy View Post
I have no problem with my wife going out, she can do as she wants, come and go as she pleases. I 100% trust her and never had any reason not too. Although she does it, she does not abuse it, maybe things would different if it was all the time. Why do guys get upset when there wives/girlfriend go out ? I have no idea, maybe a guilty conscious ?
Excellent. So you have no issues with your wife going to singles clubs to get drunk and dance with men who are looking to pick up women. And of course your wife won't be coming home, since she is getting a hotel room, so you of course are okay with not know where she will be sleeping.

The issue is not going out with friends, and trying to frame it that way is unfair. The issue is where she is going with her friends and what they are planning on doing.
Tall Average Guy is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-09-2012, 04:47 PM   #20 (permalink)
Member
 
bandit.45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 10,309
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
No one is sharing their wife with another man, no other men would be going with us. That's an awfully presumptuous thing to assume but I suppose that must be what our husbands are thinking and not saying.
Its just the ladies for a night out. The point is to go out with the girls, not pick up men. Locations can change without issue if that was the problem. In the past months we've tried to go to a movie, dinner, heck even lunch on a Saturday and got backtalk from that too so it's not just this one time.
Instead of moaning about how untrusting your husband is, maybe you should look at it from the opposite direction: he loves you and values you enough to be worried. Despite what Oprah tells you, jealosy has its place in a marriage.
bandit.45 is online now   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-09-2012, 05:25 PM   #21 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 343
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tall Average Guy View Post
Excellent. So you have no issues with your wife going to singles clubs to get drunk and dance with men who are looking to pick up women. And of course your wife won't be coming home, since she is getting a hotel room, so you of course are okay with not know where she will be sleeping.

The issue is not going out with friends, and trying to frame it that way is unfair. The issue is where she is going with her friends and what they are planning on doing.
Speaking of framing it unfairly .... where did she suggest she was going to a singles club to get drunk and dance with men looking to pick up women?
You're assuming plenty of facts not in evidence, counselor. Women can have a drink without getting drunk. Women can dance without rubbing themselves up against strange men. Women can go out for a night without ending up in bed with another man.

OP ... while your husband's concerns are not unreasonable, if you've never given him reason to doubt you, you shouldn't be too worried or upset about it. He's doing what's natural. Do your best to find a middleground. Tell him where you're going, agree to check in with him (or let him check in with you ... and be sure to answer when he does), etc.

Oh, it's laughable (and sexist) to suggest that guys' nights out or weekends away are somehow fraught with danger. Men aren't exactly the more restrained sex when it comes to playing while the cat is away.
FrankKissel is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-09-2012, 05:34 PM   #22 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 3
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FrankKissel View Post
Speaking of framing it unfairly .... where did she suggest she was going to a singles club to get drunk and dance with men looking to pick up women?
You're assuming plenty of facts not in evidence, counselor. Women can have a drink without getting drunk. Women can dance without rubbing themselves up against strange men. Women can go out for a night without ending up in bed with another man.

OP ... while your husband's concerns are not unreasonable, if you've never given him reason to doubt you, you shouldn't be too worried or upset about it. He's doing what's natural. Do your best to find a middleground. Tell him where you're going, agree to check in with him (or let him check in with you ... and be sure to answer when he does), etc.

Oh, it's laughable (and sexist) to suggest that guys' nights out or weekends away are somehow fraught with danger. Men aren't exactly the more restrained sex when it comes to playing while the cat is away.
THANK YOU!! The implication that women are helpless creatures incapable of choosing not to to grind on some strange man is highly offensive. Just as I'm sure men would find it rude to assume that if they have a guys night out they're automatically looking to cheat
Posted via Mobile Device
vaflower is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-09-2012, 05:36 PM   #23 (permalink)
Member
 
Entropy3000's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: In Love
Posts: 9,829
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by vaflower View Post
No one is sharing their wife with another man, no other men would be going with us. That's an awfully presumptuous thing to assume but I suppose that must be what our husbands are thinking and not saying.
Its just the ladies for a night out. The point is to go out with the girls, not pick up men. Locations can change without issue if that was the problem. In the past months we've tried to go to a movie, dinner, heck even lunch on a Saturday and got backtalk from that too so it's not just this one time.

Isnt it a bit of a double standard if a husband can do as he wishes, go where he wishes, be gone all weekend doing goodness knows what and if she wants one night out it's a problem? Now my husband is backing hers saying he wants to go. I said fine, we'll have girls night for a couple hours and you come meet us when you want. You would think that would dispell any fears and yet, no. I have to wonder why she and I both are really allowing them to dictate our plans to begin with.
I think marital boundaries should be balanced. Meaning it should not be onesided. Sometimes it is a bit of a challenge when dealing with equivalence. We are different genders and while on the one hand we want equality and fairness we do need to realize we have our differences too.

I think this is a His Needs Her Needs thing.

There are somethings I may consider harmless. BUT I will not do because it might appear to be disrepectful to my wife. We talk.

Last edited by Entropy3000; 02-09-2012 at 06:38 PM.
Entropy3000 is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-09-2012, 05:44 PM   #24 (permalink)
Member
 
Entropy3000's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: In Love
Posts: 9,829
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by vaflower View Post
THANK YOU!! The implication that women are helpless creatures incapable of choosing not to to grind on some strange man is highly offensive. Just as I'm sure men would find it rude to assume that if they have a guys night out they're automatically looking to cheat
Posted via Mobile Device
It is not about looking to cheat. It is about boundaries. It is about respect. Many husbands feel their wives are disrespecting them by putting themselves out there for other men.

BUT, you have not elaborated on the specifics of the plans.

Why is that? It matters.

If a husband is all for his wife going to the meat markets then I think he better be all for what goes down ... But just because one guy is ok with this does not mean another is wrong.

When a decent looking woman walks into a meat market, there are a very large number of men who would nail her if they could, given half the chance. Over 50% of the men? Maybe. Maybe a lot more. There might even be a line. A married woman is a prize for some. Some view married woman as easy.

Is this true for the man who walks into a meat market? Are over half the women there chomping at the bit to get into his pants and nail him? Are they doing all they can to instigate, isolate and escalate. Maybe. Over 50% of the women. Hardly.

It is usually the men who plan to cut the prey out of the heard from their friends.

That said it is not a place for married folks to be without thier spouse IMHO.

Guys going to a sports bar is not equivalent to the meat market GNO.

BTW, what is the venue? Vegas? I am assuming not but you don't say.

Last edited by Entropy3000; 02-09-2012 at 06:05 PM.
Entropy3000 is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-09-2012, 05:46 PM   #25 (permalink)
MSP
Member
 
MSP's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 845
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by vaflower View Post
Need some honest opinions here..
I think you're just looking for people who agree with you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vaflower View Post
Isnt it a bit of a double standard if a husband can do as he wishes, go where he wishes, be gone all weekend doing goodness knows what and if she wants one night out it's a problem? Now my husband is backing hers saying he wants to go. I said fine, we'll have girls night for a couple hours and you come meet us when you want. You would think that would dispell any fears and yet, no. I have to wonder why she and I both are really allowing them to dictate our plans to begin with.
I think you have a right to know where your husband goes and have a rough idea of what he does. But it sounds like you're just trying to validate your own desire for GNO freedom rather than having a real concern for him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vaflower View Post
The implication that women are helpless creatures incapable of choosing not to to grind on some strange man is highly offensive.
Drunk women in the presence of people who are skilled at picking up girls may not be helpless, but are pretty close to it.

And then it's tears and, "I never meant for this to happen!" The time to make a decision about anything that might possibly be tempting is before the temptation arises. Once you're in a tempting situation it's too late to make a clear decision. If you're drunk too, forget about it. This is why your husband doesn't want you to go.
MSP is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-09-2012, 05:59 PM   #26 (permalink)
Member
 
heartsbeating's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Batcave
Posts: 5,454
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

I agree that's it about the context too. Sorry if this sounds like being an old fuddy-duddy but I can't help but wonder why it needs to be an overnighter and ending up in a club? I'm not suggesting your intentions are anything other than "let's dance up a storm with our girlfriends" but it doesn't sit well with me either.

I can't think of a time when my hubs has had an issue with me going out - but he does get concerned for my safety if I'll be drinking even though he knows I can take care of myself. When I went to dinner with a girlfriend, we were drinking wine and he checked in on me to make sure I was fine getting home. My friend's husband (with my friend), gave me a ride. When I arrived home, hubs looked sheepish and said he didn't want to be like a parent and he knows I can take care of myself but he loves me and wants me to be safe. I gave him a big hug and told him I know and I love that he looks out for me.

I threw my own bachelorette party because I wanted to have that experience but I wanted it on my own terms. My friends and I ate dinner at my place then went out to see a show together. There were about 30 of us and we ended up having this whole cabaret/bar venue to ourselves. We drank there, danced with ribbon twirlers, messed about ...it was the best fun! My friends told me it was such a relief to enjoy a night out that was just innocent like this and they admitted their husbands /boyfriends were relieved to know what I'd planned. They still talk about that night years later. If someone has a bachelorette party, they tell me they loved mine so much and come up with different ideas that are fun, without needing the usual club scenario. I think letting your hair down is important but there are so many different ways to do this.

Maybe it's a personality thing but going to a club would do nothing for me these days. I'd rather be at a restaurant with my friends where we can actually talk! Or if it's to do something fun, then go to a cabaret show. Heck even sitting up all night chatting over wine and dancing in the living room can be a laugh. It should also be noted that I'm a music snob and can't stand most of what's played in clubs. I'd rather line up music we DO like and dance up a storm that way. My friend had a party at her house, not just girls but it ended up with three of us dancing and jumping around her front room to Duran Duran. It was the best night and we were in stitches laughing together. Sorry, I'm voting on the side against clubbing.
__________________
Don't scream. Survive. - Selina Kyle
heartsbeating is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-09-2012, 06:10 PM   #27 (permalink)
Member
 
heartsbeating's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Batcave
Posts: 5,454
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by vaflower View Post
In the past months we've tried to go to a movie, dinner, heck even lunch on a Saturday and got backtalk from that too so it's not just this one time.

Isnt it a bit of a double standard if a husband can do as he wishes, go where he wishes, be gone all weekend doing goodness knows what and if she wants one night out it's a problem? Now my husband is backing hers saying he wants to go. I said fine, we'll have girls night for a couple hours and you come meet us when you want. You would think that would dispell any fears and yet, no. I have to wonder why she and I both are really allowing them to dictate our plans to begin with.
.....I don't understand why there'd be an issue with going to a movie and/or dinner?

The idea of the husband's meeting up during the night sounds like a good idea and could be fun! I am confused by this too.
__________________
Don't scream. Survive. - Selina Kyle
heartsbeating is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-09-2012, 06:23 PM   #28 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 523
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

This man is not threatened at all by "girls night out". I encourage my wife to do it whenever the chance comes.

But then again, it never takes place at a nightclub or bar where there is dancing. I wouldn't want to go to a boys night out at such a place.
Lionelhutz is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-09-2012, 06:28 PM   #29 (permalink)
Moderator
 
Coffee Amore's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: At the local coffee shop
Posts: 2,945
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Maybe it's the stage in my life or I've matured, but GNO has no allure for me anymore. After many years of not going to a GNO, I went out to a GNO with four women I know. It was so not fun. We were at a restaurant and later at a bar that was right next door. I'm not a drinker but all they did was drink a lot and laugh a lot. There wasn't any dancing or flirting. No men came over to our table. Two of the women got really wasted. I don't find that level of drunkness fun ever.

My husband didn't mind me going on the GNO, but I've decided no more GNO for me. I'd much rather go with some girlfriends to a play, a concert or coffeeshop or even better yet do those with my husband!
Coffee Amore is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-09-2012, 06:30 PM   #30 (permalink)
Member
 
SimplyAmorous's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,349
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

When I go out with my friends- or just visit them at night, out to a movie, my husband can not even sleep, he says he is worried till I hit the door, that is a little silly, but I always know if I am out late, he is missing his sleep. I like to take him everywhere anyway, my GF's get a little annoyed with me. IT has been this way since my teens. I just like to be with "my man". He never cared to go out with the guys either.

Some people think this is not healthy, but it never hurt us... we prefer it that way.
SimplyAmorous is offline   Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Closed Thread

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Religious Girls Night Out! No Divorce! The Men's Clubhouse 15 10-19-2011 07:14 PM
girls night out golfergirl The Ladies' Lounge 71 08-14-2011 03:02 PM
Girls Night out tg123456 General Relationship Discussion 61 06-26-2011 04:51 PM
girls night out bab123 The Ladies' Lounge 67 06-25-2011 05:04 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:46 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.