My fiancee can do whatever she wants, she's not my slave. BUT I'm more than willing and able to end my relationship with her if she chooses to cheat on me. I have zero tolerance for cheating and she knows this..
This is how I am. You cheat and we are done. Despite all the crap over the years I've never cheated on my husband. I've never even met anyone I've WANTED to cheat with!
I don't know if he believes this but I don't think he's cheated either. He certainly COULD if he wanted to. I choose not to worry about it but if he does and I find out then we're done as a couple because I can forgive a lot but not that. Then there's no reason to be married as far as I'm concerned.
__________________ D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013 And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
I've never even met anyone I've WANTED to cheat with!
...but if he does and I find out then we're done as a couple because I can forgive a lot but not that. Then there's no reason to be married as far as I'm concerned.
But if you did, you wouldn't beg your husband to give you a second chance, would you? I certainly wouldn't beg my fiancee for one, I'd know I'd not be worthy of one.
But if you did, you wouldn't beg your husband to give you a second chance, would you? I certainly wouldn't beg my fiancee for one, I'd know I'd not be worthy of one.
No. If I cheat then the marriage is done. If I cheated then I've gone to that place that I can't come back from. It's over. Because it's truly the point of no return.
My husband and I have discussed this many times and we both feel the same way. Infidelity is the proverbial line in the sand.
I don't think many realize this or don't want to deal with it but IMO that's what separates MARRIAGE from everything else. You pledge yourself to that person and you DO NOT STRAY.
Or you leave. But at least you keep your honor and dignity.
__________________ D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013 And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
I don't think many realize this or don't want to deal with it but IMO that's what separates MARRIAGE from everything else. You pledge yourself to that person and you DO NOT STRAY.
Or you leave. But at least you keep your honor and dignity.
I couldn't agree more. And once you start meeting others, you can hold your head high when the question is asked "Did you ever cheat on any of your exs?"
However, it's one of the benefits of our "new" relationship of married but living separately. I like it A LOT but it's definitely not for everyone and it didn't happen overnight. I'd venture to say most married couple wouldn't go for it.
I agree with this. I respect the agreement that you have with your husband and am glad it works for the two of you.
Personally, this would not work for me. To me, what you describe is too much like dating other men, which is a line for me. I want to be clear that I am not saying you are, but one on one get togethers with a member of the opposite sex more than about once a year is just too close to that line for me or my wife. It is not about trust or cheating or anything - to us, the only person we can date is each other.
I will add that when you are married, you need to think about each other and what works for the two of you. While I could not work in the type of marriage that Freak has, I admire that she and her husband have talked it out and figured out an arrangement that works for the two of them. To me, that process, and not any particular end result, should be the goal of a marriage.
I don't think many people could accept or want the type of marriage I have. It's rather unorthodox but it works for us because my husband and I are indeed cut from the same clothe in many ways. I think that's why we ARE together. In many ways, we are indeed "soulmates".
I seriously don't think I COULD be in a "conventional" marriage. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not "marriage material". Just by the way I've acted and reacted over the years and where I've wound up.
My husband CAN NOT give me all that I want and need out of life nor does he want to. I can't do the same for him. It's been a BIG problem for us over the years. So we can either tear each other up about it, or go our separate ways or change things to suit our individual needs. So we've gone with what we have now and I can honestly say that it's working for us and hopefully will continue to do so.
All I know is that I right now I'm happier than I've been in years. For most of my marriage I was thinking of ways to get out of it. Now it's working for me. For most though, it would be unacceptable and unworkable and not much of a marriage.
__________________ D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013 And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
I couldn't agree more. And once you start meeting others, you can hold your head high when the question is asked "Did you ever cheat on any of your exs?"
Well, right now I have no plans to have an EX but I can sleep well at night knowing I've acted in a dignified and honorable manner. That's what I've always told my kids. "In the end, you need to live with yourself so always do right by yourself."
__________________ D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013 And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
This comes from an H who gets all bent and pouty when I want to go out with a gal pal for a cup of coffee, or go out for dinner/drink with said gal pal, or even going to see my best friend who I have known for over 30 years up state. I only see her maybe once or twice a year because its such a long trip up.
So, I see it as dealing with an H who is insecure even after 26 years of marriage.
I don't even get together here with my friend very often.
It makes for a lonely existance.
Because my H has been out of work for over 4 years, he is at home just about ALL the time. We are together just about ALL the time. But that doesn't mean we have to be joined at the hip.
When my mom was still married, she had a friend down the street who had a friends from out of town visiting. The wife asked my mom if she would take her husband with her to the opera. And she did. No big deal. A total stranger.
But then again, my mom had a miserable marriage to my dad. She lived her life the way she wanted.
This comes from an H who gets all bent and pouty when I want to go out with a gal pal for a cup of coffee, or go out for dinner/drink with said gal pal, or even going to see my best friend who I have known for over 30 years up state. I only see her maybe once or twice a year because its such a long trip up.
So, I see it as dealing with an H who is insecure even after 26 years of marriage.
.
Well u have to address his concerns. He has the concerns and you cannot just wish them away w/out damaging the relationship. Can't your gal pal come to see you, so your H can keep his eye on you?
This comes from an H who gets all bent and pouty when I want to go out with a gal pal for a cup of coffee, or go out for dinner/drink with said gal pal, or even going to see my best friend who I have known for over 30 years up state. I only see her maybe once or twice a year because its such a long trip up.
So, I see it as dealing with an H who is insecure even after 26 years of marriage.
I don't even get together here with my friend very often.
It makes for a lonely existance.
Because my H has been out of work for over 4 years, he is at home just about ALL the time. We are together just about ALL the time. But that doesn't mean we have to be joined at the hip.
I would go completely insane with this. Do you put up with this? Do you stay home rather than go out? Going out with a girlfriend for a CUP OF COFFEE isn't the same as having an affair! Your husband obviously has some serious emotional issues and he needs to deal with that because it's obviously impacting your life in a very negative way. Is that fair?
__________________ D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013 And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
Good Lord..a girls night out is just a girl's night out! Most of the time we're all too busy talking girl talk for most guys to even take the time with us. Granted, they might come up to us and have a little flirtatious fun..but we're going home to our hubbies...(who we tend to miss a lot more when we're out with the girls and talk about all night long..), so what's the big deal??
I get home after these stupid nights out and tell my hubby all about it..as we laugh. It's all stupid fun.
My question is: OK....so guys go hunting. Can't tell me that somewhere in that hunting they don't go to tittie bars as they yell and scream for some skank to take it all off..while still thinking about their wives.
I myself think it's kinda gross as my hubby and I laugh about it when he comes home from hunting. "Yeah yeah..I know you guys all went to the tittie bar...wooooo!!" He just tells me that it's a guy thing...he goes along with it..they all get wasted..and feel like **** in the morning while he can't wait to get home to me.
My H only said those things about him buying the tickets out of jelousy, not because he actually wanted to go. If he really was interested in going to the symphony for example( and there are adds on the tv for upcomming events all the time) He would bring it up to me. He was just being a jughead.
I know, why does my H have to keep an eye on me? Thats a real oh wow! statement. Im not his property.
I brought up the GNO quite a while back myself either in these forums or another forum, can't remember But the responses were just about the same.
My H does not have any close buds to hang out with. I don't think a spouse should be the everything in your life. Its not good.
My best friends birthday is coming up and I wanted to get a bunch of girls together, have dinner, some drinks, go dancing and just hang out. We were planning to make it an over nighter and the next morning get up late, do the brunch thing and return to our lives.
The reason we never go out... because the guys throw a fit EVERY time. My questions are this...
Why are men so threatened with a girls night out?
Whats with the double standard?
Is this something everyone runs into or is it just us?
Suppose the Husbands said that they wanted to go out to dinner and have some drinks, then go dancing, and just hang out all night and come home the next afternoon. I do not know one wife that would tolerate this. A bunch of guy going off fishing or to a ballgame without women, is NOT the same as what you described. If it's okay for you to do it, then its okay for them to do it. How would you feel?
296Likes
Re: The girls night out debacle... 
Do you put up with this? Do you stay home rather than go out? Going out with a girlfriend for a CUP OF COFFEE isn't the same as having an affair! Your husband obviously has some serious emotional issues and he needs to deal with that because it's obviously impacting your life in a very negative way. Is that fair?
But the responses were just about the same. 
