I'm saying, where does what we think cross over to what we do and finally cross over to being a betrayal to the one we love? Is it defined by us? Defined by our lover? Society?
Do you reason that it's OK to think it as long as you don't take action on it?
I'm not sure if you're asking generally or me specifically.
My personal take is, no it's not OK to think about other women. Do I do it from time to time, yes, I'm not perfect. That is defined by me. If I was ok with it, and my wife was ok with it, then fine, no biggy.
My problem with the GNO is not even with the intentions, it's with the danger of it.
There is a clear difference between fantasizing about a woman while you're in the shower, and fantasizing about a woman at a brothel. If I think about a woman in my head, it's never going to be more than a bad thought. But if I end up in a brothel, and make a bad judgement call, I can end up doing some pretty stupid things.
When we want to lose weight, we go through our pantries and clear out the junk food. Why? Because we know if we have a moment of weakness, we won't gorge on snickers bars. If you hang out in the candy aisle long enough, it only takes one moment of weakness to end up in a bad situation.
So to me, the situations we put ourselves in are of similar importance to our intentions. Going to a club, alone, late at night, especially if drinking, is a bad situation. It takes ACTIVE boundaries and strength to stay faithful. The atmosphere makes it very easy to blend the lines of what is appropriate in a marriage. So why would you put yourself in a situation where you have to rely on your relationship being great, and your willpower being high, to stay faithful? Why not just remove yourself from the potentially dangerous situation all together?
I trust the woman who is not happy with her current marriage but is going to the grocery store more than I trust the "I love my husband" woman who is going to the club with her BFFs.