No one is sharing their wife with another man, no other men would be going with us. That's an awfully presumptuous thing to assume but I suppose that must be what our husbands are thinking and not saying.
Its just the ladies for a night out. The point is to go out with the girls, not pick up men. Locations can change without issue if that was the problem. In the past months we've tried to go to a movie, dinner, heck even lunch on a Saturday and got backtalk from that too so it's not just this one time.
Isnt it a bit of a double standard if a husband can do as he wishes, go where he wishes, be gone all weekend doing goodness knows what and if she wants one night out it's a problem? Now my husband is backing hers saying he wants to go. I said fine, we'll have girls night for a couple hours and you come meet us when you want. You would think that would dispell any fears and yet, no. I have to wonder why she and I both are really allowing them to dictate our plans to begin with.
I usually try to avoid GNO threads, but .... WOW!!! I'm simply amazed at how you turn around the replies here into some sort of malevolent intent, completely missing the point of what people are saying.
First off, many wives in long term relationships, who are opposed to their husbands going to the nightclub scene, would kick their husband out of the home if he suddenly did it after 15 or more years. Period. Lots of people are more open to the scene, and I respect this, but where in the world do you get the inane idea that men do this with no regard to their wives? The norm is that we try to honor the wishes of our wives, and if you are married to a guy who didn't get that memo, then maybe the thread should be reframed into one of differing expectations for each other.
Secondly, how in the world do you interpret the responses to be that people think you are going there for a hookup? You are going there, drinking, and perhap there is a chance of dancing with guys whose only intent is to sleep with you. Your husband doesn't like that. Simple as that. His issue isn't with you - its with the people there and the atmosphere. This isn't something that you guys ever talked about before getting married?
These posts are so silly and childish. If you like the night life, marry a guy who is comfortable with that. If you spring it on him 17 years after the fact, though, it becomes a relationship changer to many people.
I'm going to assume that he knew full well that the nightclub scene was okay for you all along. Congratulations, you two have a very trusting marriage. So, to end this circular argument in this thread, just simply remind him that this has been the norm all along for you, and you need to understand why he is suddenly no longer wanting you to go to these places. If you never did this kind of thing before, then don't you think he might be just a tad uncertain of what is going on? I've been married for 24 years. I drive an old pickup truck and work in a corporate job. Now, if I went out and bought one of those skyscraper redneck trucks with the gun rack loaded with rifles, and joined a militia group just because the guys really knew how to have a good time, it would never occur to me to start a thread about how my wife is just so inconsiderate of my own right to have fun. I mean ... really... the rules changed here.
No one is sharing their wife with another man, no other men would be going with us. That's an awfully presumptuous thing to assume but I suppose that must be what our husbands are thinking and not saying.
Its just the ladies for a night out. The point is to go out with the girls, not pick up men. Locations can change without issue if that was the problem. In the past months we've tried to go to a movie, dinner, heck even lunch on a Saturday and got backtalk from that too so it's not just this one time.
Isnt it a bit of a double standard if a husband can do as he wishes, go where he wishes, be gone all weekend doing goodness knows what and if she wants one night out it's a problem? Now my husband is backing hers saying he wants to go. I said fine, we'll have girls night for a couple hours and you come meet us when you want. You would think that would dispell any fears and yet, no. I have to wonder why she and I both are really allowing them to dictate our plans to begin with.
Should be only support on the "marriage friendly" GNO. So meeting up sounds good. I guess it may still depend on the meeting up place but this seems way way better of a circumstance.
Location: On a clear day, I can see Mt. Rainier ... but you can't count on the days to be clear here ...
Posts: 1,860
Re: The girls night out debacle...
I trust my wife a lot, and she has real freedom to go out with her friends when she needs/wants to. She is very dedicated and I know she needs a break sometimes, and I'm happy to let her go. When she goes, I always know where she's going, and she's always good to check back with me to let me know where she is. She's also very good to pick up if I call her or need her for something. She expects that I have reasonable jealousies and she acts very responsibly with this, and that really feeds my trust.
Looking at your situation, even with my wife whom I really trust:
Going with a bunch of the girls together for dinner - not a problem for me.
Having a few drinks - Okay, but I want to be sure you are safe and can get to where you are safe. Can we make a plan for this?
Go dancing - I'm starting to have a few concerns. Dancing with whom? After you have been drinking? Even though I trust her, I recognize this is entering a place of temptation and vulnerability. I'm probably going to object and ask her if she can reconsider, or if there are other options for her to have fun with her friends. She's never pushed when I objected and explained it and she thought it was reasonable.
Overnighter - with the combination that comes before this, this is a huge problem for me.
There's too much temptation ... it can lead to something unintended far too easily, and I don't want that. I actually think it is my duty to object at this point, and I do so in partnership with her - I expect her to partner with me to help me do my part in our relationship.
As for reciprocation on my part:
There have been business trips that I have passed on because I didn't want to bring that suspicion into my marriage. Specifically, these were in the Philipines where my wife and I both knew the reputation of the bars. The guys who had travelled there before had a few souvenir pictures ... I knew what was on their minds, and not only did I not want to enter the temptation, I didn't even want her to ever think I had entered into the temptation. She first told me I should go, but when I refused and told her why, she always seemed very grateful despite telling me she trusted me and I should go.
There have also been a few times when with my colleagues when they suggested I go someplace and I answered, "No. I want to still be married when I leave here." Alcohol and temptation is a really bad combination, and I just don't want to give that a chance. So far as that goes, temptation is something I try to avoid, and I try to keep from putting myself where I would reasonably expect her to have suspicions.
For me, it is about respect and love, and here, I'll guard her suspicion and ask her to do the same for mine.
This man is not threatened at all by "girls night out". I encourage my wife to do it whenever the chance comes.
But then again, it never takes place at a nightclub or bar where there is dancing. I wouldn't want to go to a boys night out at such a place.
This is my situation. I encourage my wife to have time with her friends. I think it is a good thing for both of us. But my wife has never been one to push the boundaries.
With the safety aspect in mind, my friends and I are like this with each other too. I probably meet up with a friend for dinner once every few months. Last time I met up with a friend, we shared a cab home. I'd texted with hubs that I was taking a cab with her and when I expected to be home. She dropped me off first and then I reminded her to text me when she arrived home safely too. I hadn't heard from her after 15mins, so I sent her a text. All was good - she'd forgotten to send me a message. But we're kind of like this with each other. It's been some time since we went out as a small group but the last time, I received a message asking if I'd heard from one of the girls because the person expecting to get the "arrived home safely" text hadn't heard from her. We look out for one another in that way.
I love meeting up with my friends but we don't live out of each others back pockets either. A proper good catch up every couple of months seems to be good for us. I might be side-tracking.
I trust my wife a lot, and she has real freedom to go out with her friends when she needs/wants to. I will say that she is very dedicated and I know she needs a break sometimes, and I'm happy to let her go. When she goes, I always know where she's going, and she's always good to check back with me to let me know where she is. She's also very good to pick up if I call her or need her for something. She expects that I have reasonable jealousies and she acts very responsibly with this, and that really feeds my trust.
Looking at your situation, even with my wife whom I really trust:
Going with a bunch of the girls together for dinner - not a problem for me.
Having a few drinks - Okay, but I want to be sure you are safe and can get to where you are safe. Can we make a plan for this?
Go dancing - I'm starting to have a few concerns. Dancing with whom? After you have been drinking? Even though I trust her, I recognize this is entering a place of temptation and vulnerability. I'm probably going to object and ask her if she can reconsider, or if there are other options for her to have fun with her friends. She's never pushed when I objected and explained it and she thought it was reasonable.
Overnighter - with the combination that comes before this, this is a huge problem for me.
There's too much temptation ... it can lead to something unintended far too easily, and I don't want that. I actually think it is my duty to object at this point, and I do so in partnership with her - I expect her to partner with me to help me do my part in our relationship.
As for reciprocation on my part:
There have been business trips that I have passed on because I didn't want to bring that suspicion into my marriage. Specifically, these were in the Philipines where my wife and I both knew the reputation of the bars. The guys who had travelled there before had a few souvenir pictures ... I knew what was on their minds, and not only did I not want to enter the temptation, I didn't even want her to ever think I had entered into the temptation. She first told me I should go, but when I refused and told her why, she always seemed very grateful despite telling me she trusted me and I should go.
There have also been a few times when with my colleagues when they suggested I go someplace and I answered, "No. I want to still be married when I leave here." Alcohol and temptation is a really bad combination, and I just don't want to give that a chance. So far as that goes, temptation is something I try to avoid, and I try to keep from putting myself where I would reasonably expect her to have suspicions.
For me, it is about respect and love, and here, I'll guard her suspicion and ask her to do the same for mine.
Wondermous. Especially the partnership comment. We are supposed to look out for one another.
I used to not have a problem with my wife going out....till she cheated on me.
Now that I've thought about it, and been to a bar alone past midnight, I would not be comfortable with it, probably ever again.
What is the appeal of girl's going out late at night to a place ripe with single guys looking to hook up? That is not rhetorical, what is the appeal?
Is it to dance? Then go do some salsa lessons or something
Is it to drink? Drink at your houses or a restaurant or wine bar
Is it to socialize with your friends? You can't even hear at a bar/club, why not do a fun activity together or sit down at a restaurant or cafe where you can chit chat?
The ONLY appeal I see of going to a place full of single people as opposed to the above, is to get some sort of attention from strangers.
Girls don't want to dance with just their friends in a private ballet studio, they want guys watching them and paying attention to them.
They don't want to drink alone because they want to be flirt and get flirted on. They want to know they still "got it".
They don't want to go to socialize with eachother, they want to go to socialize with other people. And since they are surrounded by single men, who do you think they are socializing with?
If you disagree with what I've said, ask yourself honestly why it will only be fun to do this GNO at a bar or club and not any of the other places I listed?
You can't walk into a bar or club with a group of friends and NOT get hit on (even ugly chicks get macked on at closing time). The fact that a wife would willingly go into that situation, or enjoy going into that situation, or plan to go into that situation, tells me something is amiss there.
I feel like I'm being a d*ck about this, but really challenge me to be wrong. I want to know a good reason for going.
Isnt it a bit of a double standard if a husband can do as he wishes, go where he wishes, be gone all weekend doing goodness knows what and if she wants one night out it's a problem?
Does your problem have a problem if you told him you were going camping for the weekend with the girls? Or if you were going on a marathon trip and you had to stay overnight?
If yes, there are trust issues. If no, you need to concede that maybe the problem is your itinerary and not your husband.
Guys that go on weekend trips to vegas to hang out at strip clubs and get into sh*t, that's not kosher. But guys that go on a trip to play golf or go fishing or hunting, and barely come in contact with another person, let alone single women who want to hook up, that is a different story.
when i was a young single guy these were the milfs that you hit on.
I'm ashamed to say that it was easy pickings. I could go into a club and look around and if I didn't see any girls having a night out i would go to the next bar/club sometimes I wouldn't even buy a drink just look around and if i didn't see any older women looking like they were out with just themselves well you get the picture.
the more women in the group the better so theres no safety in numbers.thoese lady love younger guys flirting and buying them drinks and you know what most of the tme by the end of the night they were the ones putting the moves on me.
go do a girls night in and drink and talk about how you can spice up your sex life with your husband or throw a toy party but going out clubbing maybe not such a good idea.
when i was a young single guy these were the milfs that you hit on.
I'm ashamed to say that it was easy pickings. I could go into a club and look around and if I didn't see any girls having a night out i would go to the next bar/club sometimes I wouldn't even buy a drink just look around and if i didn't see any older women looking like they were out with just themselves well you get the picture.
the more women in the group the better so theres no safety in numbers.thoese lady love younger guys flirting and buying them drinks and you know what most of the tme by the end of the night they were the ones putting the moves on me.
go do a girls night in and drink and talk about how you can spice up your sex life with your husband or throw a toy party but going out clubbing maybe not such a good idea.
Before I was married, there was a time when I guess I was the wingman for another sailor. He was our evening shift supervisor. Well he was known for not so much focusing on the young single women but he definitely liked the MILFs. We had our times meeting young single women too, but this guy had his own agenda. I never was one to hit on the married women. I had a problem with that. He played it.
But rest assured he was a very active young man with no short supply of willing partners. He knew how to make it work for him. To him they were easy marks. So he was an old school PUA who liked the ladies.
It is easy to be that 2% guy that with little to no investment meets some attention need for a woman whose husband is only meeting 98%. I exaggerate of course but it is easy to be that guy while the husband has to meet all the other needs. Mix in some atmosphere, some alocohol and some PUA and the odds are looking up. If she is ovulating ....
Isnt it a bit of a double standard if a husband can do as he wishes, go where he wishes, be gone all weekend doing goodness knows what
Let me see camping, hunting and fishing trips. Oh, yeah, the hot babes just love to hit those spots. As for the Vegas, strip clubs, bars I just don't do those at all anymore. I've been to my wife's GNO before and you couldn't pay me to go again. TGIF's with a bunch of girls complaining about work, kids and their husbands, NO THANK YOU.
Now, GNO at bars, clubs, Vegas, girl's getaway, that's another story.
If your husband is hitting the bars, clubs, Vegas and partying then that's another story. But if he's doing what I'm doing then you go and FIND ME ONE HOT BABE out in the middle of the woods, no bathrooms, no showers, freezing cold at night, bugs eating you up alive and then we'll talk about double standard.
If do you GNO like my wife then I could care less. The way you make it sound is, your husband is doing it so can you. Not the kind of marriage I would want to be in but to each their own.
I'm not one to talk because I did cheat on my wife 14 years ago. But since then, I've cut out the boy's trips that would make my wife mad and the best time I have now is sitting around a campfire with a beer in hand and re-telling old stories with friends on a weekend getaway.
You disrespect your spouse (both husbands and wives) with the girls/guys night out that are used to stroke your egos. But I come home to my man, but in your mind you have pretty boys face painted over his face rocking your husband's world. Yes it's fantasizing only but eventually the lines gets blurred for some. I know, because I was there on those boys night outs at the bars/clubs and guess how I got my screen name.
I used to come home and paint the imaginary face on my wife after the bars/clubs, I liked the attention when I could pick up a girl, if made me feel like a caveman pounding my chest when I got a phone number.
You know what, in the end I realized all I needed was my wife, if I need a guys night out to recharge then I shouldn't have gotten married because if you need time to get away from your spouse to help your marriage, YOU'RE screwed (I had the F word but changed it).
Maybe it's because this is a forum for troubled marriages....
Your guys are being jerks. I guess you can feel all warm and mushy inside because they care. And I think you should be ecstatic that you are not required to wear a burka at all times....because another man might look at you, and want you, and little ol' you may not be able to resist.... for whatever reason.
Wow.
But.... since the guys (I mean YOUR guys) are being jerks about it.... then I vote for the camping idea. Girls only camping trip. It could be a blast...and there is no way the guys can reject that idea.
Or... just act grown and do what you want. Since it's a once a year issues, not a bar hopping career....then it may be worth it to listen to him gripe about it.
Maybe it's because this is a forum for troubled marriages....
Your guys are being jerks. I guess you can feel all warm and mushy inside because they care. And I think you should be ecstatic that you are not required to wear a burka at all times....because another man might look at you, and want you, and little ol' you may not be able to resist.... for whatever reason.
Wow.
But.... since the guys (I mean YOUR guys) are being jerks about it.... then I vote for the camping idea. Girls only camping trip. It could be a blast...and there is no way the guys can reject that idea.
Or... just act grown and do what you want. Since it's a once a year issues, not a bar hopping career....then it may be worth it to listen to him gripe about it.
Go to a spa for pedicures, then hit the mall and shop, go to a nice restaurant, and finish up at a movie or at someones house for drinks and a hot tub. Or get a hotel room with a hot tub and end up there. Skip the club.
Why do the meat market club scene? It's to get hit on -- period.
If you just want female bonding, do something that enhances that.
It's ridiculous that you get grief over wanting to go out for a movie and dinner. It seems as though you aren't going out at a ridiculous manner and to not allow alone time with girlfriends is silly.
It's a double standard if he goes out "clubbing" all weekend but gets pissy if you want to do the same. I don't think this is the issue, it seems as he does male bonding activities on the long weekends, but I'm not sure.
Vaflower, I understand both sides. I love to dance, I love electronic music and when I get the chance to slough off mom gear and get sexified I jump on it. I don't know how old you are, but going out to the with the girls is fun and young feeling and free in a wonderful way.
That free feeling is what our husbands are scared of. They are afraid that feeling free will lead to being sexually free to the hoardes of men out in club land who more than likely are looking to score. This is no matter how much trust you guys have built up over the years.
Some married women absolutely do this. They go out drinking to explictly have an excuse to cheat. This sucks and erodes everyones trust. My motivation to go out (and maybe yours) however is more akin to a female bonding scenario. I get dressed up cute so my girls will compliment me and/or compare like guys do over new sporting gear/tools/whatever. Both groups drink. Mostly we can hold our liquor and not do stupid **** but incase one of us gets more sloshed than planned, we have a network of care. Yeah, men may hit on us but we laugh it off and joke about what a total skeeze that guy was. We dance with each other and manuever each other away from the gross butt humpers. Trips to the bathroom/outside to smoke are always hilarious. There is always drama in the club that is fun to observe/gossip about/sometimes pop off on. At the end of the night, we all hail each other cabs or pile in our DDs car and me personally I jump on my husband thankful that I can go home to an awesome man who will both cuddle and screw my drunk ass properly.
That is what I explained to my husband, and due to our level of trust and especially since I do this so rarely, he has no issue with gno's to a club. But we talked about it, and I let him know where I'll be, and I have no issue with him dropping by to dance, and I keep him in the loop about ETAs and any delays. He might worry, but I never take advantage of that trust. Posted via Mobile Device
296Likes
Re: The girls night out debacle... 
