I can say your female friend wasn't any smart throughout the entire night.
She made a lot of mistakes and any girl in your gf's shoes would have been pissed off.
Ignoring the gf of your guy-friend is NEVER a good idea and sends out the wrong message.
Whenever I am with my guy-friends and their girlfriend I ALWAYS make sure to interact with those girls so that I won't come across as if I'm ignoring them and I don't want them to feel bad. I try to socialize as if they were my girl-friends.
Just because you were the only one she knew doesn't mean she had to ignore the rest of the table, especially your gf.
Also, the text message she sent you saying she wanted to dance with you made her look like she was telling you something in secrecy. Very lame.
And I can tell she might be a bit selfish.
On the other hand, your gf[now ex] got a taste of her own medicine. That's how it feels to be disrespected by your partner's friend and that's how it feels when you partner wants to hang out with such girls.
Hopefully she learned the lesson and you get back together.
I have a feeling your break up won't last for long.
__________________ Davelli0331:If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
My wife would never do the club/dancing thing but i don't have a problem w it. i trust her and don't understand not trusting other men argument - is ur wife some impressionable dope who'll sleep w the first slick talking d-bag she happens on???
Its a self esteem thing
My relationship imploded Friday night. I told her earlier in the day I was going to go running with a female co-worker after work. I figured that if she was going to lunches and geocaching with a guy, she shouldn't mind me going running with a girl.
She wasn't happy about it and said she wanted to meet her first, which was fair, I met her guy friend before they started hanging out all the time. So I arranged a night out together with her male friend and my female friend. I held out a little hope they might even like each other.
Absolute disaster. My friend thought her friend was pretty cool, but her friend thought she was too into me. My gf didn't like that she hugged me (she always hugs guys she knows) and most of her conversation was directed at me through the night. I tried to explain that she was talking to the only person at the table she knew. My gf was irritated that I was "defending" her. At some point my gf went to the bathroom and my friend moved between me and her guy friend to show us some pics on her phone. She told me to move a seat over and I did, and then I realized the seating might upset my gf so I moved an additional seat over. Sure enough, my gf was pissed when she saw we had moved, even though I kept an empty seat between us. She also said she felt like my friend was ignoring her. I spent the whole night trying to get everyone to interact with everyone.
We went dancing for a few minutes (read: I can't dance) and my friend and her friend were grinding pretty good, but at some point my friend sent me a text that she wanted to dance with me (bad move). My gf saw the text and was livid and said I'm not to hang out with her unless I wanna break up.
The mood of the night was totally poisoned and my friend left (oddly, she was oblivious to anyone having a problem - and thought we were having fun; her mood was messed up by some texts she was getting from her ex boyfriend; she got quiet for awhile and decided to head out). My gf and I left a little while later. On the way to the car I got chewed out for not respecting her feelings. The argument continued in the car on the way home as I was explaining that my friend was probably just talking to me because I'm the only one she knew. My gf insisted that the girl was into me, and during a particularly heated exchange, she jabbed me in the side of the head (the fourth time I've been punched in the last 6 mos).
I lost it, cussed her out and said we're done. When we got to her house she wouldn't get out of my car so I agreed to come inside. We made up but after she fell asleep I kept thinking about all the problems we have and the fact that she hit me again and decided it just wasn't going to work.
I left in the morning before she woke up and sent a text explaining things. A pretty ********* move I've never done before, but I knew it was the only way it was going to end without drama or getting punched again.
So I'm officially single again... feels weird. What's worse is that I still love her and I already miss her.
Can't say I'm surprised at all.
You're supposed to just "trust her"
But, your friends must have pristine boundaries with you.
My relationship imploded Friday night. I told her earlier in the day I was going to go running with a female co-worker after work. I figured that if she was going to lunches and geocaching with a guy, she shouldn't mind me going running with a girl.
She wasn't happy about it and said she wanted to meet her first, which was fair, I met her guy friend before they started hanging out all the time. So I arranged a night out together with her male friend and my female friend. I held out a little hope they might even like each other.
Absolute disaster. My friend thought her friend was pretty cool, but her friend thought she was too into me. My gf didn't like that she hugged me (she always hugs guys she knows) and most of her conversation was directed at me through the night. I tried to explain that she was talking to the only person at the table she knew. My gf was irritated that I was "defending" her. At some point my gf went to the bathroom and my friend moved between me and her guy friend to show us some pics on her phone. She told me to move a seat over and I did, and then I realized the seating might upset my gf so I moved an additional seat over. Sure enough, my gf was pissed when she saw we had moved, even though I kept an empty seat between us. She also said she felt like my friend was ignoring her. I spent the whole night trying to get everyone to interact with everyone.
We went dancing for a few minutes (read: I can't dance) and my friend and her friend were grinding pretty good, but at some point my friend sent me a text that she wanted to dance with me (bad move). My gf saw the text and was livid and said I'm not to hang out with her unless I wanna break up.
The mood of the night was totally poisoned and my friend left (oddly, she was oblivious to anyone having a problem - and thought we were having fun; her mood was messed up by some texts she was getting from her ex boyfriend; she got quiet for awhile and decided to head out). My gf and I left a little while later. On the way to the car I got chewed out for not respecting her feelings. The argument continued in the car on the way home as I was explaining that my friend was probably just talking to me because I'm the only one she knew. My gf insisted that the girl was into me, and during a particularly heated exchange, she jabbed me in the side of the head (the fourth time I've been punched in the last 6 mos).
I lost it, cussed her out and said we're done. When we got to her house she wouldn't get out of my car so I agreed to come inside. We made up but after she fell asleep I kept thinking about all the problems we have and the fact that she hit me again and decided it just wasn't going to work.
I left in the morning before she woke up and sent a text explaining things. A pretty ********* move I've never done before, but I knew it was the only way it was going to end without drama or getting punched again.
So I'm officially single again... feels weird. What's worse is that I still love her and I already miss her.
Dvls, I know you`re into her pretty deep but I also know you see this the way I`m seeing this.
This is a serious double standard and I actually love the way you brought it out.
The hitting is also a deal breaker.
It just sucks soooo bad when they`re "almost" perfect but the imperfections aren`t ones that can be lived with man.
You should move on.
Has she contacted you at all since that last text you sent?
We made up but after she fell asleep I kept thinking about all the problems we have and the fact that she hit me again and decided it just wasn't going to work.
I left in the morning before she woke up and sent a text explaining things. A pretty ********* move I've never done before, but I knew it was the only way it was going to end without drama or getting punched again.
So I'm officially single again... feels weird. What's worse is that I still love her and I already miss her.
You know what? I have a feeling you are going to be much better off without her. In fact, I think you should be thankful that this happened while you are single and not married with children. Two things lead me to say this: (1) The hitting is something that is only going to get worse. She has severe anger issues if she is raising her hands. You don't want to be dealing with that bull crap. (2) The fact that she wont get rid of the "guy friend" is huge problem in my eyes. One so big that that I'm willing to bet you couldn't live with if you two got married. I come form the school of thought that says you really can't have close friends of the opposite sex.
The hurting will stop in a few weeks and then you can move on. View this as a blessing and go with your gut, it's usually right.
Wouldn't it just have been better to just stick with your boundary like we all suggested?
I don't know, there is no answer to being called controlling, insecure or jealous. I tried. She talked about seeing the guy less, but would go on to spend even more time with him.
The only way to really get across how her behavior made me feel and actually get her to change it rather than just talk about changing it was for her to experience my point of view.
And the thing is, the friend I invited out is a girl who I work with and who has dated my best friend... two lines I would never cross.
Either way, we broke up, so I guess it doesn't matter whether I enforced the boundary by breaking up with her, or showed her how it feels... the end result was the same.
I don't know, there is no answer to being called controlling, insecure or jealous. I tried. She talked about seeing the guy less, but would go on to spend even more time with him.
The only way to really get across how her behavior made me feel and actually get her to change it rather than just talk about changing it was for her to experience my point of view.
And the thing is, the friend I invited out is a girl who I work with and who has dated my best friend... two lines I would never cross.
Either way, we broke up, so I guess it doesn't matter whether I enforced the boundary by breaking up with her, or showed her how it feels... the end result was the same.
That just means she wasn't the one for you - you CAN'T change others they have to do it themselves, and you expressed your feelings to her about this, all you can do is ask her to listen because trying to pound it in with a sledgehammer (as you just did) only makes everyone angry. The end result may actually be different (ie not just that this one ended, but how you have learned to enforce your boundaries in the next one).
But like you said, she said she would see him less but actually saw him more. Actions speak louder than words.
I'm sorry, I take no pleasure in seeing relationships end, but I will say that it is better to get to decide sooner rather than later about issues that will become dealbreakers. The worse thing would have been for you to let this slide and compromise your boundary, then invest more and more time with someone who you know takes no exception to consoling with other men outside of your relationship.
Just because you were the only one she knew doesn't mean she had to ignore the rest of the table, especially your gf.
She didn't talk to my gf much, but she talked to her guy friend plenty, even danced with him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelygirl
Also, the text message she sent you saying she wanted to dance with you made her look like she was telling you something in secrecy. Very lame.
And I can tell she might be a bit selfish.
I agree, I thought it was inappropriate and she apologized for it the next day after I told her about the breakup. She said it was really a joke since she knows I can't/don't dance. It looked bad and I acknowledged that to my gf. I had no intention of dancing with her.
All the guys at work are engineering types. She's always trying to get us to dance when we go out as a group. None of us can, and that's the joke... she laughs her ass off when someone tries.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelygirl
Hopefully she learned the lesson and you get back together.
I have a feeling your break up won't last for long.
Oh the odds of that went way down after this weekend. I had my kids this weekend and took them out of town to the zoo. I intentionally left my phone at home so as not to be tempted to get into anything and sour my mood while I was with them.
Sunday she hooked up with one of the guys I was concerned about a couple weeks ago after I caught them sitting alone together at the bar on what was supposed to be "girls night out". She still claims that was innocent, but regardless it sure looks bad now.
Has she contacted you at all since that last text you sent?
Yeah, we text occassionally. I went from a life too boring to a life too interesting.
This guy she works with broke up with his gf on suspicion she was cheating on him... we'll call him Lee (not his real name). Right after their breakup, I found Lee and my gf sitting alone at the bar on what was sold to me as a "girls night out". My gf claims it changed and wasn't something intentional.
Wanting more information about Lee, I contacted his ex, who also works with him and my gf. I determined he wasn't much of a threat and decided to trust my gf on the nature of the outing.
After we broke up the other day she hooked up with Lee. She claims she wasn't into him back when I caught her with him, and that he was just the guy that was around when she wanted to get with someone to feel better about herself after I broke up with her.
So then Lee's Ex contacts me and wants to know why me and my gf broke up. I lay it out for her, and she tells me that Lee and my ex-gf hooked up. I said it would be funny if we went on a date now that they're together.
In the end my ex-gf asked me not to see someone she works with and make things bad for her at work, so I conceded. The motivation for Lee's ex and I would probably be just to get back at our exes since we don't really know each other anyway.
So bottom line is that everything is a soap opera and I'm thinking its just time to get out.
wow! So she broke up with you and it was THAT easy for her to hook up with someone else???
So she had no problem moving on, right?
Then you should do the same.
And now that your single IT'S NOT HER PLACE TO ASK YOU NOT TO DATE LEE's EX. Oh irony!
According to her, she can hook up wth whoever she wants but you don't have the right to do that?
__________________ Davelli0331:If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
__________________ Davelli0331:If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
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Re: The girls night out debacle... 
