Whoa, some more replies happened while I was typing that out, but yeah it is about boundaries. I don't dance with other men, I never let a man buy me a drink and I'm in constant contact with my spouse. Those are ones we together agreed on. Figure out what works for you. Posted via Mobile Device
FrenchFry pretty much took the words out of my mouth, actually. There are a lot of misconceptions about girls at the club, it seems. And a lot of mistrust in this thread.
Admittedly, maybe some of it is founded. Yes, hookups can happen in a club. They can also happen at the office, at school, while out at the grocery store, lots of places. If the desire to cheat is there, it'll happen.
I would agree that clubbing, especially sans husband, on a regular basis, could be destructive to a marriage- but not that much more than if you were going to slumber parties, or going out on shopping sprees with the girls all the time. It can be hurtful if you're spending a lot of time and money away from the hubby, focusing on girl time, sure.
I would also say that you need to be responsible with your nights out. My bachelorette party we did go drinking and then to a club. I was tipsy but not drunk, and I had girls with me that I totally trusted not to let things get out of hand. And not only did I have not even the tiniest temptation to grind with or even flirt with any guy at the club, but I was the one asking any that came around to move along. It's not really that hard to prevent yourself from being a target.
On the other hand, my friend's bachelorette party was, in my opinion, a disaster. Her MOH, who threw it, and who's always been a bit fast and loose with the men, was all about encouraging her to go wild. She gave her this teeny black dress that was two sizes too small for her to squeeze into, and it barely covered her bum. Then once she was good and plastered, she had her play stupid games like "go find random men in the bar to sign your chest" and "dance on a table" type dares, that disgusted me. And the bride to be went along with it all! She even started flirting and dancing with other men, and when I started suggesting maybe we should leave, the girl hosting got annoyed with me, and said, "No, the bride wants to stay, let her have her fun!" I ended up dragging her away from men she was just about to go off with. The whole affair was utterly disgusting.
And if that's what your GNOs turn into, then the right thing to do is to stay away from that sort of temptation. If you know you can't hold your liquor, and that you can't control yourself while inebriated, then DONT DO IT!
But not everyone is like that, and not every group of girls that goes out to a club is going with any intention to get grinded on or propositioned. I think it's just important to know and trust your spouse, and communicate with them. Checking in with them while you're out? Definately a good idea. Offering that they can come by and join you to dance, as someone suggested? Totally cool idea. Making it clear to them where you will be, and how you will be getting home safely? Yeah.
But really this comes down to whether or not you trust your spouse. A lot of people here don't seem to.
My mother, last year, let my dad go with his best guy friend to a strip club. She was okay with it, because she trusts him. They have been married almost 40 years. They could give a tip or two on how to make a marriage last, I imagine.
I have always said that as long as my husband is honest with me, and as long as I trust him, I am okay with him doing just about anything. But the trust has to be there, and if it's not, we have bigger problems.
Wow, that's a controlling husband. I can go out at any time without permission. I have left for a 4 night weekend in another state and I'm planning another mini vacation to meet up with my online best friend in the next year. Hopefully, we will have mini beach vacation. My husband hunts for the weekend, so this is no different. My kids are younger too. Posted via Mobile Device
But not everyone is like that, and not every group of girls that goes out to a club is going with any intention to get grinded on or propositioned. I think it's just important to know and trust your spouse, and communicate with them. Checking in with them while you're out? Definately a good idea. Offering that they can come by and join you to dance, as someone suggested? Totally cool idea. Making it clear to them where you will be, and how you will be getting home safely? Yeah.
But really this comes down to whether or not you trust your spouse. A lot of people here don't seem to.
I do agree with this sentiment.
I think I wrote something similarly when I first joined here on a different thread. It's one thing to get out of control, it's another to enjoy dancing with friends. It doesn't mean flirtation will happen, I agree with you there. Not everyone drinks, not everyone gets plastered when they do drink.
What I do think though, is there are other avenues of having fun without it being around single (and let's face it) horny guys, regardless of the intention of the women going out. I also get that sometimes it's good to hear music loud and just dance - especially if you're into a certain style of music, as FrenchFry wrote she's into electronica. But why not go with the husbands in this scenario? Dance with him? Maybe it's the age I'm at now, personally being out that way doesn't appeal to me. I have my turntables at home; crowds and drunk people annoy me lol. BUT I do think the flip side to this is, respecting your spouse's boundaries. Within reason. Having a problem with not going to the movies or dinner? I can't fathom that.
Excellent. So you have no issues with your wife going to singles clubs to get drunk and dance with men who are looking to pick up women. And of course your wife won't be coming home, since she is getting a hotel room, so you of course are okay with not know where she will be sleeping.
The issue is not going out with friends, and trying to frame it that way is unfair. The issue is where she is going with her friends and what they are planning on doing.
Like I said I trust her, she doesn't go alone, and its not a weekly habit. Your always going to have horny men no matter where you go.. Think Im kidding ? Recently a guy at church, during services, hit on her. Time or place ? No way. I trust her to make the right decision in whatever situation she may be in.
Like I said I trust her, she doesn't go alone, and its not a weekly habit. Your always going to have horny men no matter where you go.. Think Im kidding ? Recently a guy at church, during services, hit on her. Time or place ? No way. I trust her to make the right decision in whatever situation she may be in.
Where is this church I want to make sure it is not on my wifes list of church hopping? Jello shots off of guys / girls bellies anyone?
You can drown in a bathtub.
That said jumping off a cruise ship in the middle of the Atlantic is a different level of risk and opportunity.
Good for you on the trust. Not sure why you trust the guys she is with but if it works for you that is awesome. Glad circumstances have nothing to do with anything. You seem to put a premium on frequency though. I agree frequent brushes with unfaithful behavior is worse than just flirting with it.
So this is a different situation. You and your wife have come to agreement. Just like myself and my wife.
So the OP however is in total disagreement with their spouse.
And yes. I remember being told the best place to pick up chicks is at church. There is something to be said for that.
And in all seriousness you are correct. A wife going out to church without her spouse and then hanging out afterwards with single men is not a good idea either.
So let me get this straight OP, you can't:
~go to a movie with your married girlfriends
~go out to dinner with your married girlfriends
~meet up for lunch with your married girlfriends
Or you get grief about it? I just want to make sure I read that right.
No one is sharing their wife with another man, no other men would be going with us. That's an awfully presumptuous thing to assume but I suppose that must be what our husbands are thinking and not saying.
Its just the ladies for a night out. The point is to go out with the girls, not pick up men. Locations can change without issue if that was the problem. In the past months we've tried to go to a movie, dinner, heck even lunch on a Saturday and got backtalk from that too so it's not just this one time.
Isnt it a bit of a double standard if a husband can do as he wishes, go where he wishes, be gone all weekend doing goodness knows what and if she wants one night out it's a problem? Now my husband is backing hers saying he wants to go. I said fine, we'll have girls night for a couple hours and you come meet us when you want. You would think that would dispell any fears and yet, no. I have to wonder why she and I both are really allowing them to dictate our plans to begin with.
It is a double standard. You should put up a stink about his guy trips.
But there is no way in hell that I am going to let my wife do an all nighter at bars. Attraction is not a choice. Tall, dark and handsome finds something clever to say to my wife. He's handsome. Wife is bored talking to her friends. There is alcohol involved. Why would I ever agree to let my wife put herself into a meat market of temptation?
How did I meet my wife in the first place? At a party. To this day she says "oh yeah, I wasn't looking for love. I had given up on men. Then you came along".
ARe you really that naive to wonder why the men are not going to let this happen? Or are you testing them? Do you secretly want the guys to be fighting for you? You want them to put their foot down don't you?
THANK YOU!! The implication that women are helpless creatures incapable of choosing not to to grind on some strange man is highly offensive. Just as I'm sure men would find it rude to assume that if they have a guys night out they're automatically looking to cheat Posted via Mobile Device
My wife is very particular about who I am with and where I am going. She trusts me. I trust her. But every one of us is human. Stuff happens between the sexes at bars w/ alcohol. I am not the least offended by my wife caring about what I am up to. I look at it as a compliment that she cares so much. Not as an insult to my intelligence. Or that I am not trustworthy.
Who is more important to please. Your GF or your husband. Take your pick. I hope you pick right.
Location: On a clear day, I can see Mt. Rainier ... but you can't count on the days to be clear here ...
Posts: 1,862
Re: The girls night out debacle...
Quote:
Originally Posted by vaflower
My questions are this...
Why are men so threatened with a girls night out?
Whats with the double standard?
Is this something everyone runs into or is it just us?
I hate trying to surmize, but honestly, reading through the thread and your two other posts, it sounds like you were still fighting with your husband about this when you came here, and it sounds like you were really looking for some good arguments to take back and give to him.
I think the men on here gave you a pretty good set of answers to your questions if you are willing to read them. Those answers came from men - not women guessing why. It might be very good to read those answers with an open mind, think from your husband's perspective, and see if you have real answers to your questions - including the possibility that your questions have flawed premises.
There are some answers that sound like maybe they gave you something to take back to your husband if you're still trying to win the argument. You might need to ask what you're trying to win, though - an argument or something bigger. It is possible to win the battle and lose the war ... choose your battle wisely and count what you have to lose ...
Wow, that's a controlling husband. I can go out at any time without permission. I have left for a 4 night weekend in another state and I'm planning another mini vacation to meet up with my online best friend in the next year. Hopefully, we will have mini beach vacation. My husband hunts for the weekend, so this is no different. My kids are younger too. Posted via Mobile Device
No. Going hunting for the weekend is not the same as him going on a 4 night weekend to another state or wishing for a mini vacation to meet up with his online 'best friend'.
No one is sharing their wife with another man, no other men would be going with us. That's an awfully presumptuous thing to assume but I suppose that must be what our husbands are thinking and not saying. .
If my husband asked me if I was ok with him going to dinner with his buddies and then to a bar to dance and dink I would tell him sure, have a good time. But only after you move out first.
Now if he was going out with my brothers, nephews and cousins to the same type of place I’d have no problem with it because they would not encourage or put up with any of the men in the family dancing and flirting with other women in that situation.
Change the place to a nice restraint. On dancing. You can have some drinks there. That should be more than ok.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vaflower
Its just the ladies for a night out. The point is to go out with the girls, not pick up men. Locations can change without issue if that was the problem. In the past months we've tried to go to a movie, dinner, heck even lunch on a Saturday and got backtalk from that too so it's not just this one time. .
If the men are giving you gals a hard time for wanting to go to the movies, dinner or lunch then the men are being unreasonable. Just tell them that you are going out and where you are going. And if they are paranoid they are welcome to drop by and spy on you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vaflower
Isnt it a bit of a double standard if a husband can do as he wishes, go where he wishes, be gone all weekend doing goodness knows what and if she wants one night out it's a problem? Now my husband is backing hers saying he wants to go. I said fine, we'll have girls night for a couple hours and you come meet us when you want. You would think that would dispell any fears and yet, no. I have to wonder why she and I both are really allowing them to dictate our plans to begin with.
Yes it’s a double standard. Tell the husbands that they now have to live under the same restrictions they require of you wives.
I like the idea of you women going out for dinner then the men joining you later for dancing.
This makes me wonder what your husbands are doing when they all go out that they are so afraid to trust you.
The above all assumes that neither you nor your friend have ever cheated on your husbands. The answer is very different if that has happened.
I had to quit reading these posts. Take a pill people! Vaflower your husband and the other wives husbands sound like knuckle dragers.
Now I know many of you on this board have personal GNO horror stories but my wife has been on many and I have never had a worry. Of course my wife does not drink but she is a major flirt but I do not know of any instance when they have gone where they have placed themselves in an environment where anything inappropriate would happen.
Now I know a dozen plus men that have gone on hunting and fishing trips and were making detours to brothels and pick up bars and carrying on for years before one of the guys breaks down and tells his wife and the cat is out of the bag. I can count numerous divorces from these situations. I am aware of a Fire Chief the took and annual excursion with his crew and bought hookers for the entire staff on a "hunting" expedition. Guess what? Someone talked and everyone is divorced. From my personal knowledge vaflower I would be placing a GPS on your husbands car the next time he and the "boys" go on a "wildlife" adventure.
My 3 friends and I have a GNO weekend every year in dec. we have done for the last 10 years. We shop, we lunch, have a drink, have gone to clubs in years gone past, and god forbid actually got dressed up and did some dancing!! ( shock horror). Not once and I mean once in 10 years have any of us ever flirted or danced with other men. We go for girly time. To get away from men and kids and just to have some us time. Sure we have all had the odd bloke try and dance with us of buy us a drink, but guess what it's a no brainer!!! No Thankyou!! Not interested!!
And just to put a little spanner in the works, we have ALL been cheated on by our husbands and we are still not interested! It's just a chance for us to have sone fun, complain about life in general and just be ourselves! Posted via Mobile Device
I can't speak for these husbands but I will for my own...he would allow me to go but... he wouldn't like it for 2 reasons.... #1 he is worried about other men and thier intentions... and #2 ... girls going out alone -things can happen. If drinking & dancing is involved, even more so. Guys know how other guys ARE...and in the bar scene, probably 75% are looking to hook up..
When we go to a bar, we go with friends and always together, the bar scene annoys me a little, you walk in the door it seems like a spotlight has been put on you, the whole place is checking you out ...near makes you feel like a peice of meat. At least the smaller bars , it seems this way to me.
296Likes
Re: The girls night out debacle... 
