You are looking to cheat or you aren't. The amount of alcohol it would take to get me to cheat is enough so that it is rape. Pass out, blackout can't remember drunk in which a man shouldn't be trying to have sex with a woman period.
I don't get that drunk, but even when drinking if a guy tries to isolate me or my friends its a huge red flag and we intervene as nessecary because it's not ok. Thing is we are more than aware of how sleezy men can be around drunk women and in my group we just DON'T LET IT HAPPEN. Not every woman is so easily manipulated by drinking in a club with men. I guess that is definitely where relationship dynamics and communication and boundaries really come into play. Everyone really is different. Posted via Mobile Device
I love to dance, I love electronic music and when I get the chance to slough off mom gear and get sexified I jump on it. I don't know how old you are, but going out to the with the girls is fun and young feeling and free in a wonderful way.
....... I get dressed up cute so my girls will compliment me and/or compare like guys do over new sporting gear/tools/whatever. Both groups drink. Mostly we can hold our liquor and not do stupid **** but incase one of us gets more sloshed than planned, we have a network of care. Yeah, men may hit on us but we laugh it off and joke about what a total skeeze that guy was. We dance with each other and manuever each other away from the gross butt humpers. Trips to the bathroom/outside to smoke are always hilarious. There is always drama in the club that is fun to observe/gossip about/sometimes pop off on. At the end of the night, we all hail each other cabs or pile in our DDs car and me personally I jump on my husband thankful that I can go home to an awesome man who will both cuddle and screw my drunk ass properly. Posted via Mobile Device
Is this the only activity that makes you feel sexy and young and free then? I am still wondering why, if your husband DID have a problem with you acting this way, you would still do it.
You are looking to cheat or you aren't. The amount of alcohol it would take to get me to cheat is enough so that it is rape. Pass out, blackout can't remember drunk in which a man shouldn't be trying to have sex with a woman period.
I don't get that drunk, but even when drinking if a guy tries to isolate me or my friends its a huge red flag and we intervene as nessecary because it's not ok. Thing is we are more than aware of how sleezy men can be around drunk women and in my group we just DON'T LET IT HAPPEN. Not every woman is so easily manipulated by drinking in a club with men. I guess that is definitely where relationship dynamics and communication and boundaries really come into play. Everyone really is different. Posted via Mobile Device
We just fundamentally disagree on this. That is ok. What a boring world if we all agreed.
Also just what consitutes cheating? I think ther is a whole continuum of behavior that may or may not lead to intercourse itself. For me I think cheating occurs way before this. It is not just about trying to intervene with penetration.
I believe that more often than not cheating starts with simple bad decisions and poor boundaries. No doubt there are people who just want to cheat from the get go. You can't even reason with them. Where inappropriate becomes unfaithful is a matter of opinion. I think once you start going against your spouse in anyway by definition you are unfaithful to them. But that is just me. So best to work things out prior to the behavior. The spouse may very well be unreasonable.
I think taking an all or nothing view of this is very risky because the boundary is around looking to cheat. It may take into account unfaithfulness which at least for me is a big issue. Then again I would not be for my wife dating other men even if it was theoretical possible to ensure that intercourse would not take place ... which of course is absurd.
I think the dating would be a big enough issue.
PUA is designed to seduce women who are drinking in clubs. It works often enough. It is about risk. The world is shades of gray. One way of handling shades of gray is to define boundaries. You have stated some in that you don't drink much and your friends have your back.
Why put yourself in that situation? Take the sleazy men out of the equation.
The OP scenario involved having a place to crash afterwards. This inferred being out all night and drinking heavily. Kinda naughty fun. I get that allure. So you already tweaked the situation by saying you don't drink much.
So what exactly are you doing at the club? Are you dancing with men? Close dances? Can we assume this is not the trendy dance clubbing with everyone grinding? What are you actually doing there? Yeah I know having fun and binding with your friends. You cannot do that without the men? The men are the issue you know. Whatup with that? Just some marriage healthy flirting?
But your husband is cool with this? If so then great for you guys. I am only defending a spouses right to be concerned. You are good to go.
Have fun and be safe.
I disagree with this too. It is like playing russian roulette but its not your turn yet, it is easy to say "I can't die" because you are not holding the gun. When its your turn is when you will wish you had set a boundary to not even play the stupid game.
Look, some people need to get away from their spouses because it's what they need.
While others like to spend time with their spouse because they married them for that exact reason.
There is no wrong or right, like others have said it's whatever boundaries a couple has set up to make their marriage work.
If you need to go out to a bar/club to drink and have men hit on you (just to say no to them) and stroke your ego and make you feel better, that's what you need and that's your life not mine or anyone else. For the men it's to go to bars/strip clubs to oggle at the hotties and hit on them.
Me, at this point in life, I enjoy just sitting at home watching a movie with the wife and kids or just being around the house with everyone.
I get my once a year FF draft at a local bar with the guys (we go so much that I have snuck my little girl in their once or twice, yes it's that tame of a place), hunting trips and that's about it. Once in a blue moon an old buddy might be in town and if I'm not busy I'll go hang out with them at their house or a restaurant.
If you still need the thrill of OMG guys/girls still want me and I've still got it then that's what you need. Have at it, you're big girls/guys and you won't cheat on your spouse but needing verification from other men/women to make yourself feel young and vibrant is pretty sad, to me that is.
I'm overweight (not obese yet), balding, not as good looking like when I was in my 20's or early 30s. And you know what, I could care less what others think of me now. I have a great wife, rotten and spoiled kids and we live a comfortable life. That's all that counts for me right now.
I never could understand those married couples who say they just need time apart to recharge and make their marriage better. Why get married in the 1st place if you need time apart to be happier together, that just boggles my mind.
And to those that married social lepers, well you married them for a reason. If you're not happy that they can't meet your needs, leave, why stay. Oh I love him but he's does nothing, just sits at home, plays on the computer, watches sports, doesn't want to go out and do nothing with me, so I need GNO to make myself feel happy, see what's wrong there.
In the end, we all can agree to disagree, there is no wrong or right because I don't live your life and you don't live my life.
Look, some people need to get away from their spouses because it's what they need.
While others like to spend time with their spouse because they married them for that exact reason.
There is no wrong or right, like others have said it's whatever boundaries a couple has set up to make their marriage work.
If you need to go out to a bar/club to drink and have men hit on you (just to say no to them) and stroke your ego and make you feel better, that's what you need and that's your life not mine or anyone else. For the men it's to go to bars/strip clubs to oggle at the hotties and hit on them.
Me, at this point in life, I enjoy just sitting at home watching a movie with the wife and kids or just being around the house with everyone.
I get my once a year FF draft at a local bar with the guys (we go so much that I have snuck my little girl in their once or twice, yes it's that tame of a place), hunting trips and that's about it. Once in a blue moon an old buddy might be in town and if I'm not busy I'll go hang out with them at their house or a restaurant.
If you still need the thrill of OMG guys/girls still want me and I've still got it then that's what you need. Have at it, you're big girls/guys and you won't cheat on your spouse but needing verification from other men/women to make yourself feel young and vibrant is pretty sad, to me that is.
I'm overweight (not obese yet), balding, not as good looking like when I was in my 20's or early 30s. And you know what, I could care less what others think of me now. I have a great wife, rotten and spoiled kids and we live a comfortable life. That's all that counts for me right now.
I never could understand those married couples who say they just need time apart to recharge and make their marriage better. Why get married in the 1st place if you need time apart to be happier together, that just boggles my mind.
And to those that married social lepers, well you married them for a reason. If you're not happy that they can't meet your needs, leave, why stay. Oh I love him but he's does nothing, just sits at home, plays on the computer, watches sports, doesn't want to go out and do nothing with me, so I need GNO to make myself feel happy, see what's wrong there.
In the end, we all can agree to disagree, there is no wrong or right because I don't live your life and you don't live my life.
I disagree with this too. It is like playing russian roulette but its not your turn yet, it is easy to say "I can't die" because you are not holding the gun. When its your turn is when you will wish you had set a boundary to not even play the stupid game.
Wait ... like Russian roulette? Really? Do you know how patronizing that is? Do you really believe women are such weak-minded creatures that they just can't help themselves from having sex with any guy who comes along and offers the right game? That cheating, for a woman at least, is random act?
Sheesh. If that's true, why be upset about a cheating wife? After all, these fragile-minded, hormonally driven creatures just can't help themselves.
Someone in this thread said earlier that attraction is not a choice. That's largely true. But what one chooses to do about that attraction IS a choice. Just because a guy throws it out there doesn't mean a woman is going to grab on and go for a ride. Posted via Mobile Device
Look, some people need to get away from their spouses because it's what they need.
While others like to spend time with their spouse because they married them for that exact reason.
There is no wrong or right, like others have said it's whatever boundaries a couple has set up to make their marriage work.
If you need to go out to a bar/club to drink and have men hit on you (just to say no to them) and stroke your ego and make you feel better, that's what you need and that's your life not mine or anyone else. For the men it's to go to bars/strip clubs to oggle at the hotties and hit on them.
Me, at this point in life, I enjoy just sitting at home watching a movie with the wife and kids or just being around the house with everyone.
I get my once a year FF draft at a local bar with the guys (we go so much that I have snuck my little girl in their once or twice, yes it's that tame of a place), hunting trips and that's about it. Once in a blue moon an old buddy might be in town and if I'm not busy I'll go hang out with them at their house or a restaurant.
If you still need the thrill of OMG guys/girls still want me and I've still got it then that's what you need. Have at it, you're big girls/guys and you won't cheat on your spouse but needing verification from other men/women to make yourself feel young and vibrant is pretty sad, to me that is.
I'm overweight (not obese yet), balding, not as good looking like when I was in my 20's or early 30s. And you know what, I could care less what others think of me now. I have a great wife, rotten and spoiled kids and we live a comfortable life. That's all that counts for me right now.
I never could understand those married couples who say they just need time apart to recharge and make their marriage better. Why get married in the 1st place if you need time apart to be happier together, that just boggles my mind.
And to those that married social lepers, well you married them for a reason. If you're not happy that they can't meet your needs, leave, why stay. Oh I love him but he's does nothing, just sits at home, plays on the computer, watches sports, doesn't want to go out and do nothing with me, so I need GNO to make myself feel happy, see what's wrong there.
In the end, we all can agree to disagree, there is no wrong or right because I don't live your life and you don't live my life.
Is it possible to be more condescending?
Maybe OP just likes hanging out and dancing with her girlfriends. Maybe she likes getting dressed up once in a while (IIRC she does this once a year?) and listening to club music.
Can't be that simple, I guess, so you have to play amateur psychologist and subscribe all these other negative motivations (ego stroking, seeking verification, etc.). Posted via Mobile Device
Is it possible to be more condescending?
Maybe OP just likes hanging out and dancing with her girlfriends. Maybe she likes getting dressed up once in a while (IIRC she does this once a year?) and listening to club music.
Can't be that simple, I guess, so you have to play amateur psychologist and subscribe all these other negative motivations (ego stroking, seeking verification, etc.). Posted via Mobile Device
Yes, your post to his is way more condescending.
Being unfaithful once a year once a decade or twice a week. Sure one seems worse than the other. Does not mean unfaithful behavior just on occasion a good thing.
I think if you are fine with this activity for your wife that is very fine. But what you are saying is that another husband has no right for concerns.
I do think your view will play well with the ladies who like to go clubbing.
I think it is good to have the you go girl sentiment put out there.
Smartphone is crap at multi-quoting so I'll try to address as I go.
Hope: Absolutely not, bungee jumping makes me feel young sexy and free but is a little more expensive and dangerous than going out dancing.
Like I said, my husband and I have divergent musical tastes. We are usually going out to each others venues and having a good time but when one of us is sick of it, we go out with our friends. His venues end up being either small bar/house/garage places generally and mine end up being more big club. We've done this together enough times that we know each others behavior at each place and it's totally fine. If he really had a problem we'd talk it out, he could come (but not spend the entire time sulking) or he could get hyper and make me resentful of me not being able to enjoy my music where it really is best heard. We don't have that issue though because I/we do have boundaries and stated points of enjoyment.
Entropy: I don't drink much, when I do drink I get drunk with two long islands which is about my standard when I go out. Occasionally I'll have a third drink. So, point is I'm drunk when I'm out.
Here's where my boundaries are. I'm there because I LOVE drum and bass/dubstep/hardcore. I'm there to dance my ass off. I personally DO NOT dance with men. My non single friends DO NOT dance with men. My single friends sometimes MIGHT dance with a dude for a song. I DO NOT let men buy/give me drinks. NONE of my friends, single or otherwise let men buy them drinks. We dance in a group (or if there are a lot of us, a couple smaller ones) we go sit as a group, we smoke outside as a group, we pee as a group and we make sure all of us go home safely as a group. We look out for each other, we are rowdy together and we all just love jumping like nuts. We explictly look out for the dudes who try and isolate inebriated women. I've been doing exactly this since I was a teenager. I don't know if this is peculiar to my scene but I see this all the time, I tend to see familiar women groups who do exactly what I and my friends do.
I can't speak for the OP obviously, I don't know what her personal GNO at the club entails but for me and my friends, we ARE NOT going out for men, it's for the music and the fun of being on the scene. My husband has been with me more than a few times to see what *******s we all act like which is why he trusts me in that OMG club...we are just *******s with each other.
But, like you said we may just disagree. Posted via Mobile Device
I was listening to a radio talk show a while back, and the subject was a rather interesting one. It was about "hunting trips" and what went on at these ones.
No, there wasn't single women, nor was there strip clubs. It was a bunch of friends who got really drunk and....had a circle jerk! They did this on a regular basis, never tell anyone (especially their wives) and they had been doing this for years. Nothing to suspect. There was quite a few callers, not just one or two.
Wait ... like Russian roulette? Really? Do you know how patronizing that is? Do you really believe women are such weak-minded creatures that they just can't help themselves from having sex with any guy who comes along and offers the right game? That cheating, for a woman at least, is random act?
Sheesh. If that's true, why be upset about a cheating wife? After all, these fragile-minded, hormonally driven creatures just can't help themselves.
Someone in this thread said earlier that attraction is not a choice. That's largely true. But what one chooses to do about that attraction IS a choice. Just because a guy throws it out there doesn't mean a woman is going to grab on and go for a ride. Posted via Mobile Device
But you are conveniently ignoring that people drink at these clubs. When people drink, they can become weak minded (and that includes women). I know women in college who went out with the intent of having fun and then slept with a guy. Regretted the choice when they woke up, but certainly did not go out intending to do so. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and impairs judgement. It makes women (and men) to step over boundaries they might not otherwise. To think otherwise is foolish.
Being unfaithful once a year once a decade or twice a week. Sure one seems worse than the other. Does not mean unfaithful behavior just on occasion a good thing.
I think if you are fine with this activity for your wife that is very fine. But what you are saying is that another husband has no right for concerns.
I do think your view will play well with the ladies who like to go clubbing.
I think it is good to have the you go girl sentiment put out there.
So you believe that cheating is a foregone conclusion for a woman who goes out to a club one time a year? Yikes. Might as well wrap the womanfolk in burqas (yes, that's hyperbole).
And, actually, if you read my first post in this thread I said there's nothing wrong with his concerns and encouraged her to find a middleground with him. Posted via Mobile Device
[QUOTE=FrenchFry;584259]Man, that PUA bull is so insidious.
You are looking to cheat or you aren't. The amount of alcohol it would take to get me to cheat is enough so that it is rape. Pass out, blackout can't remember drunk in which a man shouldn't be trying to have sex with a woman period.
I don't get that drunk, but even when drinking if a guy tries to isolate me or my friends its a huge red flag and we intervene as nessecary because it's not ok. Thing is we are more than aware of how sleezy men can be around drunk women and in my group we just DON'T LET IT HAPPEN. Not every woman is so easily manipulated by drinking in a club with men. I guess that is definitely where relationship dynamics and communication and boundaries really come into play. Everyone really is different. Posted via Mobile Device[/QUOTE
I was listening to a radio talk show a while back, and the subject was a rather interesting one. It was about "hunting trips" and what went on at these ones.
No, there wasn't single women, nor was there strip clubs. It was a bunch of friends who got really drunk and....had a circle jerk! They did this on a regular basis, never tell anyone (especially their wives) and they had been doing this for years. Nothing to suspect. There was quite a few callers, not just one or two.
I just thought it was kind of interesting.
If anyone of our friends suggested this or tried to do this, he won't be coming home from the trip with us......
To Frank, I just gave my opinion and that's it. I really don't care what others do with their lives, they have to live it not me. I'm friends with anyone and everyone if they want to be friends with me, doesn't matter race, religion, sexual preference, etc...
If someone asks me about something I'll tell them what i think and leave it at that. If you don't agree then you don't agree, we're all adults and have our own values and beliefs but I won't hate or be upset at you for what you believe in.
Well unless it deals with child porn, drugs, murder, rape, etc, then we've got a problem.
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Re: The girls night out debacle... 
