I agree with the other posters who say that its the drinking/dancing/overnight aspect of this that is a concern. Of course it goes both ways. Boundaries should be equal and agreed to for both partners. He should not be out doing whatever with his friends if it bothers you.
I literally just declined a bachelorette party invitation that involved something similar....going to Atlantic City overnight and out clubbing. I immediately made the decision not to go without asking my fiance what he thought. Even if he thought it was ok, I don't feel its appropriate for me to be out in a club environment without him and out overnight makes it even worse. Plus, I have never liked bachelorette parties, so bourgeois!
Your so right, ALL men have done this, myself included. THANK YOU. These guys are so hypocritical its ok for them to go do guy stuff, such as bars/women etc. etc. But the minute the wife wants to, it becomes time to be a *ick. WTF, you guys need to lighten up and deal with your insecurity issues. Realize this, if she is going to cheat on you, its going to happen no matter what you say or do.
Hey PAGuy. speak for yourself. I have not gone on hunting trips, much less to brothels. I would venture that most men on this board have not gone to a prostitute.
Too, most of the men on this board said that the OP's H was being unfair.
And yes my wife will cheat if she is going to. But I am not going to help her do it by condoning a boozy night out on the town. She will also do the boozy GNOif she wants to. But she has a choice. Make her friends happy or make me happy. For 25 years she has chosen well.
Insecurity? Feel free to mock your fellow men here. Doesn't bother me. My wife enjoys my protective streak.
Hey I KNOW. I dont think you get what I was saying. I never been to a prositute, nor had ever touched another woman. Have I been to drunken nights with guys at bars, strip clubs etc etc.. YES I have, not proud of it, but I cannot deny it. That being said, a lot of guys do that.. apparently you don't.. which im cool with that ! But these guys get so jacked off when there ladies go out and have a good time, and always think that women are cheating if they leave the house. "they" need to get over there insecurity.
Hey I KNOW. I dont think you get what I was saying. I never been to a prositute, nor had ever touched another woman. Have I been to drunken nights with guys at bars, strip clubs etc etc.. YES I have, not proud of it, but I cannot deny it. That being said, a lot of guys do that.. apparently you don't.. which im cool with that ! But these guys get so jacked off when there ladies go out and have a good time, and always think that women are cheating if they leave the house. "they" need to get over there insecurity.
Lots of guys do that? Gotta stop hanging around that neighborhood, friend. Go out into the places with guys who have careers, not just the ones who get a paycheck. The ones who worry about how they'll pay for their kid's tuition, and think an evening is almost perfect if their wife is in a good mood, and smiles. Seriously, out of the thousands of men where I work, the norm is that we might have a quick drink after work once in a while. Going "out" is on the golf range, although for me, its hanging out at the boxing club I fund. Far more likely that our wives are the ones who like to go out at night with their friends. But I'm one of the boring lots. My wife's adventures are usually at places like coffee shops, or to hear a local author read the first chapter of a new novel.
I dont do it anymore, but am guilty. You would be surprised the type of guys that do this and keep it hidden from the wives.. Well put together in middle class, with jobs, mortgage and worries. Not the stereotypes you describe. You don't think after the golf trip, a stop at the strip club, has never happened ? And forgot to tell the wives they were there ?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Halien
Lots of guys do that? Gotta stop hanging around that neighborhood, friend. Go out into the places with guys who have careers, not just the ones who get a paycheck. The ones who worry about how they'll pay for their kid's tuition, and think an evening is almost perfect if their wife is in a good mood, and smiles. Seriously, out of the thousands of men where I work, the norm is that we might have a quick drink after work once in a while. Going "out" is on the golf range, although for me, its hanging out at the boxing club I fund. Far more likely that our wives are the ones who like to go out at night with their friends. But I'm one of the boring lots. My wife's adventures are usually at places like coffee shops, or to hear a local author read the first chapter of a new novel.
You would be surprised the type of guys that do this and keep it hidden from the wives.. Well put together in middle class, with jobs, mortgage and worries. Not the stereotypes you describe.
I know. But I do think that there are a couple of distinct things that drive jealousy in men in this situation, and it isn't really fair to lump most guys into the category of those who have different standards for their wife than themself. Some guys are too immature to trust their wife, and that is shameful. Still, many of the threads that come up on this site are the ones where a wife of X number of years suddenly pushes the issue of being able to go out to places like this, and the husband just thought that they had built their boundaries upon a different set of standards. In a society where we take such a discliplined approach to college for a career, doing our taxes, scheduling vacations, following hobbies, its just incredible that people who post threads like this put almost zero effort into discussing their boundaries before deciding to marry.
Because my wife said that she did not think it was right for her to go to a dance club without me, doing so after 24 years would be a pretty cut and dry situation where she is changing the rules. Didn't even hear the OP mention their marital expectations even once. She could've ended the thread on page one if she said that he was okay with GNO in their discussions before marriage. Believe me, you don't have to talk about every single place a husband and wife can possibly go, you can create a simple agreement of boundaries in a five minute discussion. When we married, my wife and I didn't know that I would spend a month or more combined in China, India, Europe and south america every year, and that I would be pressured to enjoy the night life with supplier executives. But no naked ladies showing their private parts to me was covered, so I pass on the strip clubs, or the after-dinner entertainment that they occasionally send to my room before being forever black balled from our supply base.
So, the wife of the guy who goes to strip clubs, or hires prostitutes, might post a GNO thread. I couldn't help but question why the GNO part was more worrisome to her. Give him an ultimatum, or kick him to the curb and marry a guy who valued her as she deserves to be valued.
i know. But i do think that there are a couple of distinct things that drive jealousy in men in this situation, and it isn't really fair to lump most guys into the category of those who have different standards for their wife than themself. Some guys are too immature to trust their wife, and that is shameful. Still, many of the threads that come up on this site are the ones where a wife of x number of years suddenly pushes the issue of being able to go out to places like this, and the husband just thought that they had built their boundaries upon a different set of standards. In a society where we take such a discliplined approach to college for a career, doing our taxes, scheduling vacations, following hobbies, its just incredible that people who post threads like this put almost zero effort into discussing their boundaries before deciding to marry.
Because my wife said that she did not think it was right for her to go to a dance club without me, doing so after 24 years would be a pretty cut and dry situation where she is changing the rules. Didn't even hear the op mention their marital expectations even once. She could've ended the thread on page one if she said that he was okay with gno in their discussions before marriage. Believe me, you don't have to talk about every single place a husband and wife can possibly go, you can create a simple agreement of boundaries in a five minute discussion. When we married, my wife and i didn't know that i would spend a month or more combined in china, india, europe and south america every year, and that i would be pressured to enjoy the night life with supplier executives. But no naked ladies showing their private parts to me was covered, so i pass on the strip clubs, or the after-dinner entertainment that they occasionally send to my room before being forever black balled from our supply base.
So, the wife of the guy who goes to strip clubs, or hires prostitutes, might post a gno thread. I couldn't help but question why the gno part was more worrisome to her. Give him an ultimatum, or kick him to the curb and marry a guy who valued her as she deserves to be valued.
I have no problem with my wife going out, she can do as she wants, come and go as she pleases. I 100% trust her and never had any reason not too. Although she does it, she does not abuse it, maybe things would different if it was all the time. Why do guys get upset when there wives/girlfriend go out ? I have no idea, maybe a guilty conscious ?
@PaGuy, you gave the best reply. It is about trust. Posted via Mobile Device
@PaGuy, you gave the best reply. It is about trust. Posted via Mobile Device
You are correct. It IS 100% about trust. That, and the women that take advantage of it. I CAN'T BELIEVE I used to let my wife go out "dancing" with her married wingwoman.
Well again, we come back to exactly what "go dancing...at a bar, club or a restaurant" actually means.
Did it mean ladies dancing solo or with each other because they just like to dance?
Or did it mean accepting requests to dance with sleazy guys who's primary intent in asking is to score with a married woman?
If it's the latter of the two extremes, then it is more than just a question of trust.
Even if a man (Or woman) trusted their wife (Or husband) totally and absolutely because they know that she (Or he) would absolutely, positively, unequivocally and under no circumstances ever allow the advances of a stranger to progress beyond just a dance or two, the fact remains that most married men (And women) are simply not comfortable with the situation itself.
A "bar, club or restaurant" is not a wedding or the Fred Astaire school of dance. Maybe I'm being an aged prude here, but I know for a fact that neither my wife nor myself would be comfortable with the other away for an evening as a willing participant in that atmosphere.
The OP sidestepped requests to clarify and vanished, so it doesn't look like we're ever going to know now exactly what was meant.
Hey I KNOW. I dont think you get what I was saying. I never been to a prositute, nor had ever touched another woman. Have I been to drunken nights with guys at bars, strip clubs etc etc.. YES I have, not proud of it, but I cannot deny it. That being said, a lot of guys do that.. apparently you don't.. which im cool with that ! But these guys get so jacked off when there ladies go out and have a good time, and always think that women are cheating if they leave the house. "they" need to get over there insecurity.
Gotcha PA. And I have no moral issues w/ strip clubs, prostitution or any of that. That should be taken care of before marriage tho
I actually think the problem here is not insecure men. It's that the females (in this case) are not demanding more equality. To me it sounds like the guy has her right where he wants her. He's getting his way.
Double standard for sure. But in the guys defense, I know a lot of women that kinda sorta complain about the man's possessiveness. Yet these same women were the kind of women that always seem to have a boyfriend or husband that was strict and possessive. The submissive women always seem to hook up w/ the possessive men. And they both do it willingly. I know tons of women that are never without a boyfriend. Even if he's abusive, they have to have someone.
I hate clubs. It's a meat market. I have no desire to go to one...I never really liked them anyway.
I hate bars. I do like lounges though...and dive bars. I go with my girl every so often just for a drink and some live music...karaoke too!!
My friend took me to some shi-shi place for my bachelorette party and it was SO UNCOMFORABLE! It was a place where single people go to hook up...you could tell. Dancing, drinking...NOT my style. My friends were asking if a stripper was coming. I said if there was, I was out of there. Gross.
But that's just me. Girls night for me and my friends means we hang out at our dive (where everyone knows us) or one of our homes (our hubs makes himself scarce after a while) with some wine and cheese and chocolate Good times.
Need some honest opinions here... You will always get honesty on TAM.
I have been married for over 10 years, my best friend has been married to her husband for over 16 years. Congrats on being married for so long!
My best friends birthday is coming up and I wanted to get a bunch of girls together, have dinner, some drinks, go dancing and just hang out. We were planning to make it an overnighter and the next morning get up late, do the brunch thing and return to our lives. She is a mother of a teenager and rarely gets out of the house without her husband and son. She was all for this girls night out... until...
She told her husband we were going and he completely flipped out. He thinks it's inappropriate for her to go out without him because she'll be at a bar, club or a restaurant. He's given her the "its not that I dont trust you, I dont trust other men" speech. Now my husband has started in on the same thing, suggesting the only reason we want to go out is to act like we're single.
I can safely and totally honestly say that this is not a frequent occurance, maybe once a year, and that we really dont pick up men or behave inappropriately, we're pretty boring. The other women going with us are married as well. If your girl's nights are only once a year and you do not go to pick up men, your husbands are being unreasonable. Unless you or your friends have had affairs in the past, I see nothing wrong with what you are doing. Husbands can be possessive; my husband is a bit insecure because of our age difference.
I can also say that our husbands go out of town for guys retreats for sports for full weekends at a time and she and I both support them having an outlet.
The reason we never go out... because the guys throw a fit EVERY time. My questions are this...This is unfair and too controlling! If they can go out, so should you!
Why are men so threatened with a girls night out? Because they are insecure about their wives going to meet markets, no matter what you say.
Whats with the double standard? All men have double standards, sweets.
Is this something everyone runs into or is it just us?I don't like clubs or bars, so we do not have this problem. I know my husband doesn't like me to dress in a revealing manner.
296Likes
Re: The girls night out debacle... 
Oh well. My day will come and when it does, Hubs will help me get ready LOL 
