The girls night out debacle... - Page 8
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »The Ladies' Lounge » The girls night out debacle...

The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

Like Tree337Likes

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-11-2012, 10:59 AM   #106 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 10,283
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

That's a little extreme (the OP). Does her husband go out with friends? I bet he does

I bet he does more when he's out than drink with the boys too.

His reaction is kinda lame. especially since it's not an every week/month thing.

I haven't had a girls night in almost a year. Oh well. My day will come and when it does, Hubs will help me get ready LOL
__________________

Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
that_girl is offline   Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-11-2012, 01:09 PM   #107 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PaGuy View Post
I have no problem with my wife going out, she can do as she wants, come and go as she pleases. I 100% trust her and never had any reason not too. Although she does it, she does not abuse it, maybe things would different if it was all the time. Why do guys get upset when there wives/girlfriend go out ? I have no idea, maybe a guilty conscious ?
@PaGuy, you gave the best reply. It is about trust.
Posted via Mobile Device
a14sha is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-11-2012, 01:20 PM   #108 (permalink)
MrK
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,819
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by a14sha View Post
@PaGuy, you gave the best reply. It is about trust.
Posted via Mobile Device
You are correct. It IS 100% about trust. That, and the women that take advantage of it. I CAN'T BELIEVE I used to let my wife go out "dancing" with her married wingwoman.
MrK is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-11-2012, 01:40 PM   #109 (permalink)
Member
 
ocotillo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 2,100
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Well again, we come back to exactly what "go dancing...at a bar, club or a restaurant" actually means.
Did it mean ladies dancing solo or with each other because they just like to dance?

Or did it mean accepting requests to dance with sleazy guys who's primary intent in asking is to score with a married woman?
If it's the latter of the two extremes, then it is more than just a question of trust.

Even if a man (Or woman) trusted their wife (Or husband) totally and absolutely because they know that she (Or he) would absolutely, positively, unequivocally and under no circumstances ever allow the advances of a stranger to progress beyond just a dance or two, the fact remains that most married men (And women) are simply not comfortable with the situation itself.

A "bar, club or restaurant" is not a wedding or the Fred Astaire school of dance. Maybe I'm being an aged prude here, but I know for a fact that neither my wife nor myself would be comfortable with the other away for an evening as a willing participant in that atmosphere.

The OP sidestepped requests to clarify and vanished, so it doesn't look like we're ever going to know now exactly what was meant.
ocotillo is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-11-2012, 04:08 PM   #110 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 208
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by PaGuy View Post
Hey I KNOW. I dont think you get what I was saying. I never been to a prositute, nor had ever touched another woman. Have I been to drunken nights with guys at bars, strip clubs etc etc.. YES I have, not proud of it, but I cannot deny it. That being said, a lot of guys do that.. apparently you don't.. which im cool with that ! But these guys get so jacked off when there ladies go out and have a good time, and always think that women are cheating if they leave the house. "they" need to get over there insecurity.
Gotcha PA. And I have no moral issues w/ strip clubs, prostitution or any of that. That should be taken care of before marriage tho

I actually think the problem here is not insecure men. It's that the females (in this case) are not demanding more equality. To me it sounds like the guy has her right where he wants her. He's getting his way.

Double standard for sure. But in the guys defense, I know a lot of women that kinda sorta complain about the man's possessiveness. Yet these same women were the kind of women that always seem to have a boyfriend or husband that was strict and possessive. The submissive women always seem to hook up w/ the possessive men. And they both do it willingly. I know tons of women that are never without a boyfriend. Even if he's abusive, they have to have someone.
I Know is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-11-2012, 04:26 PM   #111 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 10,283
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

I hate clubs. It's a meat market. I have no desire to go to one...I never really liked them anyway.

I hate bars. I do like lounges though...and dive bars. I go with my girl every so often just for a drink and some live music...karaoke too!!

My friend took me to some shi-shi place for my bachelorette party and it was SO UNCOMFORABLE! It was a place where single people go to hook up...you could tell. Dancing, drinking...NOT my style. My friends were asking if a stripper was coming. I said if there was, I was out of there. Gross.

But that's just me. Girls night for me and my friends means we hang out at our dive (where everyone knows us) or one of our homes (our hubs makes himself scarce after a while) with some wine and cheese and chocolate Good times.
__________________

Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
that_girl is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-11-2012, 04:47 PM   #112 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: In an igloo.
Posts: 2,004
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by vaflower View Post
Need some honest opinions here...
You will always get honesty on TAM.

I have been married for over 10 years, my best friend has been married to her husband for over 16 years. Congrats on being married for so long!

My best friends birthday is coming up and I wanted to get a bunch of girls together, have dinner, some drinks, go dancing and just hang out. We were planning to make it an overnighter and the next morning get up late, do the brunch thing and return to our lives. She is a mother of a teenager and rarely gets out of the house without her husband and son. She was all for this girls night out... until...
She told her husband we were going and he completely flipped out. He thinks it's inappropriate for her to go out without him because she'll be at a bar, club or a restaurant. He's given her the "its not that I dont trust you, I dont trust other men" speech. Now my husband has started in on the same thing, suggesting the only reason we want to go out is to act like we're single.
I can safely and totally honestly say that this is not a frequent occurance, maybe once a year, and that we really dont pick up men or behave inappropriately, we're pretty boring. The other women going with us are married as well. If your girl's nights are only once a year and you do not go to pick up men, your husbands are being unreasonable. Unless you or your friends have had affairs in the past, I see nothing wrong with what you are doing. Husbands can be possessive; my husband is a bit insecure because of our age difference.
I can also say that our husbands go out of town for guys retreats for sports for full weekends at a time and she and I both support them having an outlet.
The reason we never go out... because the guys throw a fit EVERY time. My questions are this...This is unfair and too controlling! If they can go out, so should you!
Why are men so threatened with a girls night out?
Because they are insecure about their wives going to meet markets, no matter what you say.
Whats with the double standard? All men have double standards, sweets.
Is this something everyone runs into or is it just us?I don't like clubs or bars, so we do not have this problem. I know my husband doesn't like me to dress in a revealing manner.
FirstYearDown is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-11-2012, 04:51 PM   #113 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 10,283
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

My best friend and I plan to go to Ireland in about 5 years. Our husband are invited but we're going whether they come or not. We've been planning for over 10 years. LOL.

Neither of our husband's care. And it will be about 2 weeks away. So...it's about trust.
__________________

Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
that_girl is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-11-2012, 05:51 PM   #114 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 29
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Sounds to me like these Husbands need to take their skirts off! Love is love and it will conquer all. They need to realize that and let you live a little.
Batman64 is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-12-2012, 11:15 PM   #115 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,936
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by shy_guy View Post
FrenchFry, you sound very passionate about this.

All I can say is that some of us know from very painful experience in many areas that things we did not set out with intent to do is exactly what we wound up doing. It's a lesson we should learn regardless of what area of our lives we did this, and we should recognize our humanity when entering into a place of high temptation.

The question was, "why would guys do this?" I think many guys have answered why. I don't think you're going to convince them otherwise, and that may be in part due to experience they are not willing to share. You can disagree whether or not it is right for them to think that way - it's your life. Can you understand why they might think that, though?
michzz is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-13-2012, 04:58 AM   #116 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 982
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
When I go out with my friends- or just visit them at night, out to a movie, my husband can not even sleep, he says he is worried till I hit the door, that is a little silly, but I always know if I am out late, he is missing his sleep. I like to take him everywhere anyway, my GF's get a little annoyed with me. IT has been this way since my teens. I just like to be with "my man". He never cared to go out with the guys either.

Some people think this is not healthy, but it never hurt us... we prefer it that way.
That's great you sound like a great woman and he sounds like a great man. Who would of thought that on this forum such a thing and such a good marriage might exist.


To TS .... um never mind it would be pointless to explain
Goldmember357 is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-13-2012, 09:03 PM   #117 (permalink)
Member
 
Entropy3000's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: In Love
Posts: 9,810
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by PaGuy View Post
Your so right, ALL men have done this, myself included. THANK YOU. These guys are so hypocritical its ok for them to go do guy stuff, such as bars/women etc. etc. But the minute the wife wants to, it becomes time to be a *ick. WTF, you guys need to lighten up and deal with your insecurity issues. Realize this, if she is going to cheat on you, its going to happen no matter what you say or do.
Men who do such things are pretty low life bottom feeders as far as I am concerned. Maybe you hang out with the wrong folks.

If a woman or man is hell bent on cheating then drop thier sorry butt. Are we talking about women like this? I thought not. I think we are talking about women who are taking risks becuase they like the attention and the fun of it all. They put themselves in a situation that is disrespectful to their husbands. Or women who assume their men are doing this type of thing and want to level the field.

A husband has every right to expect his wife not to put herself out there with other men under these circumstances. Some feel they can play this game. So it is not about them just deciding to cheat. It is unfaithful behavior period. It works both ways. No free pass for the guys.

So if a woman wants to get drunk, be out all night, dance and in general be groped by other men, I think husbands have the right to object. If they don't then fine.

I think a husband who is afraid to object is very insecure. Not much of a man really.

Last edited by Entropy3000; 02-13-2012 at 09:49 PM.
Entropy3000 is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-13-2012, 09:46 PM   #118 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 74
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

I've been married 16 years. And although we so far from perfect, I can't even spell it, she would never go to a night club or singles type bar for a GNO. I'd say she goes about every month, maybe every other? It's normally a bar / grill near our place, places we go to as couple. If it's a dance club, she'd want me to go. She told me that's just about respect.

I completely trust my wife. As for other guys, if she wants to stray, she's going to stray. But putting herself in a situation to make bad choices (alcohol + lots of men on the prowl) just doesn't make sense to me, or obviously to her either.

My biggest worry is who is doing the driving. Normally I will drop her and several of her friends off, then come and get them when they call. Normally this ends up being around 11pm-12am and it's my wife (Always on her day off - off the next day - so they plan these pretty far out) who calls and it's only her and maybe one or two of her friends still wanting to stay out. So the last few times I've gone and picked them up and we all go out somewhere else.

Many times this ends up with one or two of her friends crashing at our house (we have the room so it's no big deal - doesn't happen often anyway) and bonus is, this is usually one of the times I know I'm getting lucky!!

Those are to be encouraged, definitely doesn't happen enough.

But hey what do I know.......

Taking Back the Reins
CantBeJustMe is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-13-2012, 11:43 PM   #119 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 208
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by vaflower View Post
Need some honest opinions here...

Is this something everyone runs into or is it just us?
Well VAflower? What's the conclusion?
We all want to know how you resolved this!
I Know is offline   Quick reply to this message
Old 02-14-2012, 12:30 AM   #120 (permalink)
Member
 
Freak On a Leash's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The Jersey Shore
Posts: 2,340
Default Re: The girls night out debacle...

Quote:
Originally Posted by vaflower View Post
Need some honest opinions here...

I have been married for over 10 years, my best friend has been married to her husband for over 16 years.
My best friends birthday is coming up and I wanted to get a bunch of girls together, have dinner, some drinks, go dancing and just hang out. We were planning to make it an overnighter and the next morning get up late, do the brunch thing and return to our lives. She is a mother of a teenager and rarely gets out of the house without her husband and son. She was all for this girls night out... until...

She told her husband we were going and he completely flipped out. He thinks it's inappropriate for her to go out without him because she'll be at a bar, club or a restaurant. He's given her the "its not that I dont trust you, I dont trust other men" speech. Now my husband has started in on the same thing, suggesting the only reason we want to go out is to act like we're single.

I can safely and totally honestly say that this is not a frequent occurance, maybe once a year, and that we really dont pick up men or behave inappropriately, we're pretty boring. The other women going with us are married as well.
I can also say that our husbands go out of town for guys retreats for sports for full weekends at a time and she and I both support them having an outlet.

The reason we never go out... because the guys throw a fit EVERY time. My questions are this...
Why are men so threatened with a girls night out?
Whats with the double standard?
Is this something everyone runs into or is it just us?
I don't believe anyone has an issue with this. It sounds like a lot of fun to me, not a bunch of "cougars" prowling around looking for a pick up.

Why does everyone assume that you will be looking to pick up men or that you will LET men pick you up? You aren't capable, mature, adult women who can easily take care of yourselves? You are THAT tempted to stray? What are you? A bunch of helpless clueless babes in the woods? What's up with that attitude?

After over a decade of marriage these husbands don't feel you are capable of taking care of yourselves? Of being faithful? Of having the maturity and capability of going out on your own?

And how does SHE know that when her husband goes out on one of HIS expeditions that instead of hunting deer he's looking to bag hot babes at a bar? Hmmm..???

...Isn't there some sort of modicum of trust that needs to be in every successful relationship? Why the assumption that a bunch of women are looking to "get it on" if they go out for dinner and some drinks and sleep in late?

Why does everyone assume that you will be causing trouble or that trouble will find you? I'm just not getting this...

I wouldn't put with my husband giving me a hard time about this and I certainly wouldn't give him a hard time about going out with his buddies. If something is going to happen, then it's going to happen REGARDLESS.

Plenty of people get into more trouble on Facebook or in chat rooms right in the "safety" of their living rooms then the do in a bar or restaurant. Talk about ridiculous misconceptions and stereotypes...

Maybe it's just that I'm not paranoid about a bunch of women heading out for a good time to celebrate a birthday but I don't see any cause for concern, except that you and your girlfriend have paranoid, sexist husbands with ancient ideas and values and THIS is the situation that needs to be addressed most of all.

One reasons these guys do this is because you LET them. Don't you think you should take a stand at some point and demand to be treated as mature adults, rather than as children and possessions?
__________________
D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
Freak On a Leash is offline   Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Closed Thread

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Religious Girls Night Out! No Divorce! The Men's Clubhouse 15 10-19-2011 08:14 PM
girls night out golfergirl The Ladies' Lounge 71 08-14-2011 04:02 PM
Girls Night out tg123456 General Relationship Discussion 61 06-26-2011 05:51 PM
girls night out bab123 The Ladies' Lounge 67 06-25-2011 06:04 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:40 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.