I have been married for over 10 years, my best friend has been married to her husband for over 16 years.
My best friends birthday is coming up and I wanted to get a bunch of girls together, have dinner, some drinks, go dancing and just hang out. We were planning to make it an overnighter and the next morning get up late, do the brunch thing and return to our lives. She is a mother of a teenager and rarely gets out of the house without her husband and son. She was all for this girls night out... until...
She told her husband we were going and he completely flipped out. He thinks it's inappropriate for her to go out without him because she'll be at a bar, club or a restaurant. He's given her the "its not that I dont trust you, I dont trust other men" speech. Now my husband has started in on the same thing, suggesting the only reason we want to go out is to act like we're single.
I can safely and totally honestly say that this is not a frequent occurance, maybe once a year, and that we really dont pick up men or behave inappropriately, we're pretty boring. The other women going with us are married as well.
I can also say that our husbands go out of town for guys retreats for sports for full weekends at a time and she and I both support them having an outlet.
The reason we never go out... because the guys throw a fit EVERY time. My questions are this...
Why are men so threatened with a girls night out?
Whats with the double standard?
Is this something everyone runs into or is it just us?
Ah, if only they knew...my last real GNO was in May of last year. A bachelorette. It was just ghastly! No one really had that good of a time, and most of them ended up drinking too much, as though it were the last time any of them were going to get to go out, ever!
To answer your questions...I have a GF with a freak out hubby...he actually pretends to look for apartments in the paper, before and after said GNO...usually, she throws in the towel and doesn't bother. Which is sad!
My husband doesn't care, though. And really? I have no desire to go out all night anymore anyway. Well past that.
You two should just do it, a la Thelma and Louise, minus the murder and robbery, especially if your husbands go off on their own.
The big difference maybe the dancing part which is going to a place with men looking to hook up. Where as guys going to sports bars usually only meet other old guys at the sports bar. Posted via Mobile Device
If everything you say is accurate you all must have married insecure guys, or at least one or two of you did and the others are just faithfully backing him/them up. I could see being partly perturbed if you were going to a meat market club where all there is is dancing and drinking and it's so loud you couldn't even plausibly be talking to your friends. Even so, I'd let it pass.
Seems more likely there are deeper problems and history between your friend and her husband and the other guys in the group are just backing him up as a friend. Hard to believe a cross-section of guys would all be threatened by that.
The big difference maybe the dancing part which is going to a place with men looking to hook up. Where as guys going to sports bars usually only meet other old guys at the sports bar. Posted via Mobile Device
I am all for girls night out. But I do not think it should be at a bar with dancing and drinking. Leave that for the single people, or do it with your spouse.
It doesn't take deeper problems or history for a guy to know exactly what goes on at clubs. He probably used to do it himself. Just like the father whose teenage daughter is dating. It has nothing to do with trust, it has to do with the fact he doesn't want a bunch of horny drunk guys oogling his wife and trying to pick her up. As a wife, *I* don't want a bunch of horny drunk guys oogling me and trying to pick me up either.
Go to a spa for pedicures, then hit the mall and shop, go to a nice restaurant, and finish up at a movie or at someones house for drinks and a hot tub. Or get a hotel room with a hot tub and end up there. Skip the club.
I have been married for over 10 years, my best friend has been married to her husband for over 16 years.
My best friends birthday is coming up and I wanted to get a bunch of girls together, have dinner, some drinks, go dancing and just hang out. We were planning to make it an overnighter and the next morning get up late, do the brunch thing and return to our lives. She is a mother of a teenager and rarely gets out of the house without her husband and son. She was all for this girls night out... until...
She told her husband we were going and he completely flipped out. He thinks it's inappropriate for her to go out without him because she'll be at a bar, club or a restaurant. He's given her the "its not that I dont trust you, I dont trust other men" speech. Now my husband has started in on the same thing, suggesting the only reason we want to go out is to act like we're single.
I can safely and totally honestly say that this is not a frequent occurance, maybe once a year, and that we really dont pick up men or behave inappropriately, we're pretty boring. The other women going with us are married as well.
I can also say that our husbands go out of town for guys retreats for sports for full weekends at a time and she and I both support them having an outlet.
The reason we never go out... because the guys throw a fit EVERY time. My questions are this...
Why are men so threatened with a girls night out?
Whats with the double standard?
Is this something everyone runs into or is it just us?
GNOs are great. Girls Nights Out with other men besides their husbands is another thing. If it involves flirting, drinking, dancing and out all night at some unspecified place it is a problem for a lot of us guys.
It is not the same is going on a fishing trip with the guys unless the guys brought some single women along who were looking for some sex.
In most men's biology c0ckbl0cking it a builtin that has to be rationalized away. We are not wired to share our wives with other men. Some men dig this. Many / most do not.
Drunken nights out being rubbed on by men trying to get into your pants is single behavior in my opinion. I understand taking breaks from the daily grind but if the answer is taking a break from being married and being grinded on then I throw the challenge flag.
Boundaries. What a couple jointly agrees on their boundaries is the important thing. Not peer pressure from friends that will call the husband jealous, insecure or controlling. Those are very much the rhetoric of shenanigans. Total FAIL.
If it is ok for the hubby to go out to meat markets and grind on women in a drunken state then I think that is fair for the wife to do. One of the big red flags with this is that the women will be sleeping in late. Is it a hotel? Someones home? Sounds like we are talking about the Hangover scneario.
My questions are this...
Why are men so threatened with a girls night out?
Whats with the double standard?
I can't speak for these husbands but I will for my own...he would allow me to go but... he wouldn't like it for 2 reasons.... #1 he is worried about other men and thier intentions... and #2 ... girls going out alone -things can happen. If drinking & dancing is involved, even more so. Guys know how other guys ARE...and in the bar scene, probably 75% are looking to hook up..
When we go to a bar, we go with friends and always together, the bar scene annoys me a little, you walk in the door it seems like a spotlight has been put on you, the whole place is checking you out ...near makes you feel like a peice of meat. At least the smaller bars , it seems this way to me.
It's all fun and games until someone has an affair. I've seen that happen from GNOs a lot. I'm dead against them if it involves clubs or bars or any other places where people might go to hook up. Restaurants, cafes, movies, etc. are all very different environments. But if you are drinking and dancing in a place where there are other guys then that's just not a good idea at all. That's like a guy sharing a hotel room with a female work friend on a business trip. I don't think a lot of wives would approve that.
No one is sharing their wife with another man, no other men would be going with us. That's an awfully presumptuous thing to assume but I suppose that must be what our husbands are thinking and not saying.
Its just the ladies for a night out. The point is to go out with the girls, not pick up men. Locations can change without issue if that was the problem. In the past months we've tried to go to a movie, dinner, heck even lunch on a Saturday and got backtalk from that too so it's not just this one time.
Isnt it a bit of a double standard if a husband can do as he wishes, go where he wishes, be gone all weekend doing goodness knows what and if she wants one night out it's a problem? Now my husband is backing hers saying he wants to go. I said fine, we'll have girls night for a couple hours and you come meet us when you want. You would think that would dispell any fears and yet, no. I have to wonder why she and I both are really allowing them to dictate our plans to begin with.
No one is sharing their wife with another man, no other men would be going with us. That's an awfully presumptuous thing to assume but I suppose that must be what our husbands are thinking and not saying.
Its just the ladies for a night out. The point is to go out with the girls, not pick up men.
Isnt it a bit of a double standard if a husband can do as he wishes, go where he wishes, be gone all weekend doing goodness knows what and if she wants one night out it's a problem? Now my husband is backing hers saying he wants to go. I said fine, let us have girls night for a couple hours and you come meet us when you want. You would think that would dispell any fears and yet that doesnt seem to solve the problem either.
Why are you not objecting to them doing anythign they want? Are they acting in a way that might be inappropriate? Are they going to a singles bar to mingle and drink? If so, does that bother you?
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Are they just being controlling or are my friend and I waaay off base by wanting some time away with the girls?
It is not the time away with the girls, it is the activity that is causing the issue.
Describe with specificity where you're going and what you're doing. This is key. Dancing at a loud club where there's not even much conversation shouldn't really be necessary for you. That would annoy most guys. Just sitting at a bar with your friends I don't see as a problem. Also, what is an "overnighter?" You just stay at one friend's house? If everyone is local and you're staying local this doesn't seem necessary.
And if he's doing "goodness knows what" then he should be held accountable. His weekends and what goes on there would be in a different thread.
When you say drinks and dancing, what kind of place are you thinking of? How will you dress? It is not appropriate for married women to go to a club where drunken people are looking to hook up.
No one is sharing their wife with another man, no other men would be going with us. That's an awfully presumptuous thing to assume but I suppose that must be what our husbands are thinking and not saying.
Its just the ladies for a night out. The point is to go out with the girls, not pick up men.
Isnt it a bit of a double standard if a husband can do as he wishes, go where he wishes, be gone all weekend doing goodness knows what and if she wants one night out it's a problem? Now my husband is backing hers saying he wants to go. I said fine, let us have girls night for a couple hours and you come meet us when you want. You would think that would dispell any fears and yet that doesnt seem to solve the problem either.
Are they just being controlling or are my friend and I waaay off base by wanting some time away with the girls?
No one is saying the women are taking men with them. But are they going out dancing at a meat market? The men will be there. Most are there for the sport. The sport of women.
So why the need to sleep in late? Are the women going to be up having pillow fights? Or will there be so much drinking that some will be degrading themselves or just not remembering what they did?
Like it or not married women in these circumstances are targets. I am not just talking about the lower back tatoos either.
Isnt it a bit of a double standard if a husband can do as he wishes
Not if what the husband wishes to do is something the wife is comfortable with. A hunting trip or sports bar scene is not quite the same as a meat market dance club.
I have been married for over 10 years, my best friend has been married to her husband for over 16 years.
My best friends birthday is coming up and I wanted to get a bunch of girls together, have dinner, some drinks, go dancing and just hang out. We were planning to make it an overnighter and the next morning get up late, do the brunch thing and return to our lives. She is a mother of a teenager and rarely gets out of the house without her husband and son. She was all for this girls night out... until...
She told her husband we were going and he completely flipped out. He thinks it's inappropriate for her to go out without him because she'll be at a bar, club or a restaurant. He's given her the "its not that I dont trust you, I dont trust other men" speech. Now my husband has started in on the same thing, suggesting the only reason we want to go out is to act like we're single.
I can safely and totally honestly say that this is not a frequent occurance, maybe once a year, and that we really dont pick up men or behave inappropriately, we're pretty boring. The other women going with us are married as well.
I can also say that our husbands go out of town for guys retreats for sports for full weekends at a time and she and I both support them having an outlet.
The reason we never go out... because the guys throw a fit EVERY time. My questions are this...
Why are men so threatened with a girls night out?
Whats with the double standard?
Is this something everyone runs into or is it just us?
I have no problem with my wife going out, she can do as she wants, come and go as she pleases. I 100% trust her and never had any reason not too. Although she does it, she does not abuse it, maybe things would different if it was all the time. Why do guys get upset when there wives/girlfriend go out ? I have no idea, maybe a guilty conscious ?
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The girls night out debacle... 
Re: The girls night out debacle... 
I am all for girls night out. But I do not think it should be at a bar with dancing and drinking. Leave that for the single people, or do it with your spouse. 
