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Old 02-17-2012, 01:45 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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Originally Posted by memyselfandi View Post
Yes it is.

And why..because it doesn't stop at cybersex...too many outlets and too many of those who will make it real.
Because it may or may not be a gateway doesnt make it cheating. It's cheating because it's using someone else to fulfill your emotional/sexual needs that's not your wife. It's a question that has to be answered by every couple. Some couples for the same reason may view porn as cheating, whereas others would not consider any form of cyber sex cheating.

The true litmus test is, does the behavior have to be hidden. If both couples are OK with it, then there is no reason to hide it. If one person feels like they have to conceal the behavior, then it's cheating.

Back to my original statement, if you wouldn't do it in front of your spouse, it's cheating. It can be as innocent as conversation, or as serious as sexual relations.
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Old 02-17-2012, 02:14 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

Hi Blu Sky sorry you are here. I would consider it a EA and i would also consider it cheating He is getting his emotional needs outside of your marriage. Normally its only a matter of time before this type of activity turns into a full blown PA or physical affair. In an effort to reestablish trust with him he needs to display transparency in all areas such as cell phone, computer passwords and emails. This type of affair is hard to break and i would also consider some MC as well. He needs to get Honest with you about exactly what he has been doing on the internet and you should be able to ask any and all questions you feel you need too. After all these are his actions Just my opinion
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Old 02-17-2012, 03:58 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

Anything 'sexual' outside of your 'marriage bed' (without your spouse) is cheating!
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Old 02-17-2012, 04:04 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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Anything 'sexual' outside of your 'marriage bed' (without your spouse) is cheating!
This isn't necessarily true. Many couples do not mind if their spouse indulges in a bit of porn and/or masturbation on their own once in a while. For them, it wouldn't be cheating. For others it would. There's a grey area where couples need to define their own boundaries, for themselves.
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Old 02-17-2012, 06:52 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

I'd consider it cheating. But I'd also take it as a sign that you should either 1) re-evaluate your marriage and work on it if you want to or 2) get out now.
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Old 02-18-2012, 09:37 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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I'd consider it cheating. But I'd also take it as a sign that you should either 1) re-evaluate your marriage and work on it if you want to or 2) get out now.
Trudat!! The most concise and courageous response.

Thank you.
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Old 02-18-2012, 01:58 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

I was curious what my wife thinks about cybersex and whether or not it is cheating in her mind and she said that she would not consider it to be cheating.

I have never done the cybersex thing but I do live in a sexless marriage so I was curious what my wife would think if I did it. I didn't make it a big conversation but I was just curious what her opinion was.
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Old 02-18-2012, 02:49 PM   #38 (permalink)
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I found out my husband was having cybersex, was really upset and couldn't understand why he would do that. I felt it was the same as cheating. He said it was nothing and he was just exploring because he says Iím too prudish. He admitted he would like me to talk 'dirty' and do raunchy things. He felt he couldnít ask me or talk to me about it because he didn't think I would be interested so he ended up chatting online which led to cybersex. He said he's really sorry and doesn't want to loose me and it won't happen again but I just need to understand what he wants.
I'm not sure I can trust him. I know it was online and not the same as an actual affair but its still like cheating and I don't know if I can trust him in the same way.
I do still love him and I agree that I can be a little prudish but I feel he should have talked to me about how he felt. Iím confused about what to do. Please advise.
He is not sorry he knew what he is doing

This is a huge red flag.

I'll post later what i think you should do. This man has already broken your trust and now your heart hurts and your mind and heart are fighting on what to do and its not how a marriage should go you should not have pain of your spouse lusting after others and emotionally and or physically cheating on you or both.
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Old 02-19-2012, 03:54 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

It's crossing the line. If you cyberd some guy and told him how much you'd like to s--- and f--- him, I'm pretty sure your husband would get heated.
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Old 02-20-2012, 01:12 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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Originally Posted by blu sky View Post
I found out my husband was having cybersex, was really upset and couldn't understand why he would do that. I felt it was the same as cheating. He said it was nothing and he was just exploring because he says Iím too prudish. He admitted he would like me to talk 'dirty' and do raunchy things. He felt he couldnít ask me or talk to me about it because he didn't think I would be interested so he ended up chatting online which led to cybersex. He said he's really sorry and doesn't want to loose me and it won't happen again but I just need to understand what he wants.
I'm not sure I can trust him. I know it was online and not the same as an actual affair but its still like cheating and I don't know if I can trust him in the same way.
I do still love him and I agree that I can be a little prudish but I feel he should have talked to me about how he felt. Iím confused about what to do. Please advise.
Don't worry so much. "Cheating" online is the same as "eating" online or "drinking" online. You can watch videos of food or water all the day and you still can't be full. Online sex - no touch, no feel, no smell...too far away from the real cheating.
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Old 02-20-2012, 06:34 AM   #41 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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Don't worry so much. "Cheating" online is the same as "eating" online or "drinking" online. You can watch videos of food or water all the day and you still can't be full. Online sex - no touch, no feel, no smell...too far away from the real cheating.
What happens when the spouse who's "cheating online" decides they are "in love" with their online sex partner? Somehow it doesn't seem so far away anymore.....
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Old 02-20-2012, 06:45 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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Don't worry so much. "Cheating" online is the same as "eating" online or "drinking" online. You can watch videos of food or water all the day and you still can't be full. Online sex - no touch, no feel, no smell...too far away from the real cheating.


ridiculous.

this must be from someone who also carries on online affairs.

and THIS is your defense to it?
some people really amaze me.
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Old 02-20-2012, 07:37 AM   #43 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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ridiculous.

this must be from someone who also carries on online affairs.

and THIS is your defense to it?
some people really amaze me.
Yes, my first husband did this to me. I came home from work one night to find him j*cking off in front of the webcam for some bimbo with her a** in the camera...He gave me the same line of BS...how can it possibly mean anything over the computer...we've never met...blah blah blah...Two months later I'm catching him again, this time he tells me he has fallen in love with her. They were planning a meeting. All I can say is it sure as hell felt like cheating to me. When he gave me the BS line that it wasn't cheating because they never had contact, no touching and so on I asked him point blank how he would feel if he walked in on me with my legs spread open in front of the webcam for some guy I didn't know. His tune changed a little bit then...apparently if I did it that would have constituted cheating.
That's OK...that jack a** isn't a part of my life anymore.
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Old 02-20-2012, 07:57 AM   #44 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

Let me give you two scenarios...

1) Homeless, penniless person goes into a convenience store and steals a loaf of bread because they are hungry

2) 'Person' old goes into Apple store and steals an Iphone4 because their friend has one

They are both guilty of theft.....but is one more understandable than the other?
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Old 02-21-2012, 04:41 PM   #45 (permalink)
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ridiculous.

this must be from someone who also carries on online affairs.

and THIS is your defense to it?
some people really amaze me.
I think everyone is entitled to their opinions! There is no rule book that says cybersex is cheating. There is no law that says cybersex is cheating. No one needs to defend whether or not cybersex is cheating because it is simply an opinion. Each person and couple must decide for themselves what constitutes cheating but that does not mean ever other person and couple must follow suit.

Cybersex might be cheating or it might not be. Whether it can lead to a physical affair or not is questionable but it certainly does not always lead to one. Everyone must decide for themselves whether it's cheating or not.

As far as I know there is very little case law regarding cyber sex and how it relates to marriages. Cybersex with a minor, however, can be a different story.
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