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Old 02-21-2012, 04:58 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

Cybersex, phonesex, online sex, porn sites, it does not matter. Bottom line is-if your husband has a "happy ending" with someone other than you......it's CHEATING! Plain black and white.
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Old 02-21-2012, 05:26 PM   #47 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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Originally Posted by Caligyrl View Post
Cybersex, phonesex, online sex, porn sites, it does not matter. Bottom line is-if your husband has a "happy ending" with someone other than you......it's CHEATING! Plain black and white.
Like has been said already many times in this thread, each couple needs to decide for themselves what constitutes cheating. And unless boundaries are clearly stated before they're crossed, don't expect to be on the same page about it either, when one spouse ends up sending nude photos and sexy chats/emails to someone else whom they've never met and tries to use the fact they've never met as an excuse.

The ONLY true thing that can be said for every couple is that if it isn't something that both spouses would agree is ok, then it's cheating. So if I have agreed to never show another man my ankles and I do, then I have cheated on my husband. And if I have agreed that my husband can hire escorts when away on business trips, then he isn't cheating when he does so.
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Old 02-21-2012, 07:31 PM   #48 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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Originally Posted by Caligyrl View Post
Cybersex, phonesex, online sex, porn sites, it does not matter. Bottom line is-if your husband has a "happy ending" with someone other than you......it's CHEATING! Plain black and white.
I have a very different opinion and disagree with yours. It is perfectly fine in my marriage, for example, to get off to porn.

So I would agree with you that perhaps it's black and white, but strongly disagree on what is black and what is white.
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Old 02-21-2012, 07:39 PM   #49 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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Originally Posted by Caligyrl View Post
Cybersex, phonesex, online sex, porn sites, it does not matter. Bottom line is-if your husband has a "happy ending" with someone other than you......it's CHEATING! Plain black and white.
Is it ok if my wife and I are getting off to the porn together?

That would still be cheating wouldn`t it?

Getting hard to remember all this stuff.
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Old 02-28-2012, 09:08 AM   #50 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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this isnt getting 'needs' met elsewhere?
Absolutely not. There are no other people involved. Unless you're one of those folks who believe masturbation is immoral (which is insane), spending time with yourself is healthy. And even then, it doesn't have to be a 'solo-experience'. Some therapists support couples' use of marital aides.

But it has to be above board and honest. And accepted.
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Old 02-28-2012, 09:15 AM   #51 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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Originally Posted by Caligyrl View Post
Cybersex, phonesex, online sex, porn sites, it does not matter. Bottom line is-if your husband has a "happy ending" with someone other than you......it's CHEATING! Plain black and white.
Sorry - I can't agree w/ you there. Are you saying you don't masturbate at all? There's plenty of evidence to support that self-gratification is healthy, even encouraged, in a relationship.

I agree that if there's another person outside the relationship involved, it's cheating. But he can't cheat on you with a victoria's secret catalog. That's pr0n, too, yknow?
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Old 02-28-2012, 10:04 AM   #52 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

If you have to hide, sneak, or lie to do it; then it's cheating!!

If you're guilty of any of those behaviors to have: Cyber sex, phone sex, online sex, porn sites, or all of the above, then it's obviously not consensual/ agreed upon in your relationship therefore I would consider it cheating.

I personally feel if my DH has to turn to these avenues to have a 'happy ending' then I'm not doing my job!

I also feel that when/if it gets to the point where H/W can't 'get off' with their spouse without involving the any of the other 'avenues' is when the extracurricular activities have become a problem/addiction that needs to be dealt with.

If your relationship is such that you feel free to partake of said activities, then great!!!! But let the rest of us who disagree with you have our opinions as well. Doesn't make any of us wrong; just different.
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Old 02-28-2012, 11:05 AM   #53 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

OK..you folks have taken the wrong idea-perhaps I wasn't clear that my simple explanation does not include masturbation. The porn sites I was referring to were the pay ones where you have a girl "talk" you off, or you join a porn forum, or subscribe to a "Playmate" type thing.
Just watching porn and masturbation is NOT cheating.
Also...if you and your spouse are in agreement on something-those are the defined rules and do not come into the 'cheating' arena.
Hope that helped clarify.
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Old 02-29-2012, 08:08 AM   #54 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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If you have to hide, sneak, or lie to do it; then it's cheating!!


I just want to add "if you have to hide/sneak/lie about your sexual involvement with someone else from your spouse while in a committed relationship, then it's cheating."
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Old 02-29-2012, 03:18 PM   #55 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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Although I definitely think it is cheating, I'd rather cyber cheating than physical cheating. It might just be me but there's something about him keeping it fantasy, as in not making the woman actually exist in physical form, that makes it less real to me.
Whenever I hear about a man cyber sexing online, I imagine the man chatting sexually with a 40 year old man, with a hairy back, huge belly, greasy hair, who lives in his mom's basement who is online pretending to be a hot chick. Because seriously, without a cam, you really don't know who (or what) you are cyber sexing with.
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Old 02-29-2012, 03:30 PM   #56 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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Whenever I hear about a man cyber sexing online, I imagine the man chatting sexually with a 40 year old man, with a hairy back, huge belly, greasy hair, who lives in his mom's basement who is online pretending to be a hot chick. Because seriously, without a cam, you really don't know who (or what) you are cyber sexing with.
Yep, for sure, but it isn't any less painful when it happens. My husband actually paid money to a sex escort agency (he was being scammed) and wanted to meet up with these 'women' for sex. To me, wanting to is the same as doing it. And they DID have cam shows. They weren't in real time, they were taped though.
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Old 02-29-2012, 04:48 PM   #57 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

Just read this whole thread again. There are so many variations as to what different people consider cheating.

As I said before, it is up to you and your partner to decide what is right or wrong. No one here can do anything but give you their opinion. There is no strict/legal/universal definition of cheating that everyone must abide to. Each couple needs to set their own boundaries.
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Old 02-29-2012, 04:52 PM   #58 (permalink)
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Yep, for sure, but it isn't any less painful when it happens. My husband actually paid money to a sex escort agency (he was being scammed) and wanted to meet up with these 'women' for sex. To me, wanting to is the same as doing it. And they DID have cam shows. They weren't in real time, they were taped though.
Interesting opinion..so in your mind simly desiring to cheat and wanting to do it is equivalent to actual physical contact....
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Old 02-29-2012, 05:03 PM   #59 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

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Interesting opinion..so in your mind simly desiring to cheat and wanting to do it is equivalent to actual physical contact....
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to me it would be.
it shows they are already on that road.
easy for someone to suck them in.
as far as im concerned they can go and i would be happy to send them on their way.
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Old 02-29-2012, 05:54 PM   #60 (permalink)
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Default Re: is cybersex the same as cheating?

Isn't the 'desire to cheat' where actual 'cheating' begins?

People typically don't do ANYTHING without first wanting/desiring to do it.

I agree with HOPE1964 - I would also consider it being unfaithful! The pain of knowing your spouse/significant other wants/desires someone else is not diminished in the least by the absence of the physical act itself. It still hurts you to the core!!!!
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