Try cyber sex WITH him.... it might be easier for YOU to get kinky online and then eventually take it to the bedroom!
Edited to add:
I have to trust that he will stop - he has to trust that I won't invade his privacy by snooping through his credit card bills.
Noooooooooooo..... he as to EARN your trust. You did trust him, he blew that. You are being to nice, and probably naive. He must give you complete transparency ....passwords, yes credit card bills, block his favorite sites, everything. He doesn't get off this easily. HE blew the trust, HE has to make considerations. He is no longer entitled to any privacy! Why on Earth would you trust him? It makes no sense.
My thoughts exactly, he doesn't deserve your trust right now. YOU did nothing wrong. HE DID!
I found out my husband was having cybersex, was really upset and couldn't understand why he would do that. I felt it was the same as cheating. He said it was nothing and he was just exploring because he says Iím too prudish. He admitted he would like me to talk 'dirty' and do raunchy things. He felt he couldnít ask me or talk to me about it because he didn't think I would be interested so he ended up chatting online which led to cybersex. He said he's really sorry and doesn't want to loose me and it won't happen again but I just need to understand what he wants.
I'm not sure I can trust him. I know it was online and not the same as an actual affair but its still like cheating and I don't know if I can trust him in the same way.
I do still love him and I agree that I can be a little prudish but I feel he should have talked to me about how he felt. Iím confused about what to do. Please advise.
Oh please!!! Ridiculous!!!
You being prudish has nothing to do with him exploring things.
He's a cheater and that's it!!!!!
He's bringing up stupid excuses!!!
I read GASoccermans post on page one...I'm afraid I 'skimmed' through the others.
I agree with GAS....there seem to be alot of people on TAM for whom life is black and white, there is no grey.
Let me put two scenarios to you (as I have done before)....
1) 20yr old living on the streets, no 'welfare', lonely, cold, wet, hungry and forgotten about....He goes into a store, grabs a loaf of bread and runs out without paying.
2) 20yr old runs into Apple shop, grabs a new Iphone and runs out without paying.
In law, both are equally guilty of theft. Fact.
But in reality, the homeless chap stole because he was hungry...still theft and wrong, but we can understand it.
Adultery/affairs etc....whilst they are wrong, there ARE times when they are more understandable....just like the hungry chap stealing a loaf of bread because he is hungry...
Cybersex and porn would not be cheating in my relationship unless they negatively affected the relationship - like if it became an obsession and encroached on the time we normally spend with each other or if the fantasy started to cross over into real life in any way.
Just because we're "allowed" doesn't mean we do, however. The rules were hammered out over a period of years and they work for us. They're rules that are tailored to a unique relationship with a unique set of people. If we were paired with other people, we'd likely have completely different rules because the equation would change entirely. But for us and for now, it works, and that's all that matters.
It sounds like it definitely doesn't work for you in your relationship, and that's also all that matters. You need to set those boundaries firmly and clearly.
Let me tell you about a man I know. He stalks message boards and pron forums and such. The ends to which he is seeking is getting to 'know' numerous women and then getting them to perform cyber sex both online and ultimately on the phone. Now-to add insult to injury, he also gets them to send him their panties and take pictures of themselves. He's so charming and gets them all to do this. Now....to add a little spice-he is MARRIED and his wife knows nothing about what he does. No-NOT MY husband, but he was a friend of his at one time. This guy is a pig, and his wife would be crushed if she knew. Cybersex IS cheating in it's rawest form.