Okay I am unsure if anyone else has a husband who is fine with whatever ?
I ask his advice on something he is like whatever you want .
I have to start things .
I have to decide always where we eat if we are going out .
Where we are going if we go out .
To be honest I am a little tired of always being the one who has to say or do .
He says I don't listen to him anyways (which is not 100% true )
He says it don't matter he says I am more picky than him .
Just once I wish he would be the one to do it.
Out of his family he has 2 brothers and a father he is the more dominate one of those but still he gets talked into things very easily by his mom, me not as much
So anyone else in this same boat ?
do I rock the boat or just keep it steady as you go ?
i am not saying this is the case for you, but it is for me. my wife asks me for my opinion, then immediately counters me with with the opposite. its as if she wants to either validate her own idea or she likes to feel smarter than me or that she likes to argue. not sure. the classic is "which pair of shoes looks better", she will always go with the one i dont pick. another one in my house, and it just pizzes me off, is when she is trying to figure out how to get somewhere in our city. i know it like the back of my hand, she doesnt. she gets very paranoid about driving around it. i tell her exactly how to get there, turn by turn, and she will immediately say "well google is telling me to go this way", so i will say, hey go googles way then but be careful at the end of the bridge because it isnt there.
i am not saying this is the case for you, but it is for me. my wife asks me for my opinion, then immediately counters me with with the opposite. its as if she wants to either validate her own idea or she likes to feel smarter than me or that she likes to argue. not sure. the classic is "which pair of shoes looks better", she will always go with the one i dont pick. another one in my house, and it just pizzes me off, is when she is trying to figure out how to get somewhere in our city. i know it like the back of my hand, she doesnt. she gets very paranoid about driving around it. i tell her exactly how to get there, turn by turn, and she will immediately say "well google is telling me to go this way", so i will say, hey go googles way then but be careful at the end of the bridge because it isnt there.
Yeah I been there a little on those things ..Must just a woman thing
I don't have a favorite anything (Music, food, color, etc.) because I like damn near everything. On the other hand, my wife is one of the pickiest human beings I know.
She'll agonize for ten minutes straight about what to order at a restaurant and even longer about what to wear.
When you have two people where one is happy with almost everything and the other is happy with only a narrow range of things, it's inevitable that the picky person gets to decide if the goal is for both people to be happy.
I don't have a favorite anything (Music, food, color, etc.) because I like damn near everything. On the other hand, my wife is one of the pickiest human beings I know.
She'll agonize for ten minutes straight about what to order at a restaurant and even longer about what to wear.
When you have two people where one is happy with almost everything and the other is happy with only a narrow range of things, it's inevitable that the picky person gets to decide if the goal is for both people to be happy.
Sounds a bit like me and him .He likes basically everything and I don't .so guess that not just us and that is good
Its funny because there are like some lines I just know not to cross .Stuff my SIL would get away with .I don't even try doing anything like that .
I mean how can I get him to take charge at least a little ?I guess is what I am wondering ...
I would say to tell him its his turn to plan a date night. and no matter what he plans go along with it enthuasticaly.and then after tell him how much you liked the good parts of it with out critizing the parts you didn't like.
and then take turns.
my wife fall into this trap because we go out so infrequently that we both want to do something we both like.
But what happens is neither of us really have a good time because its always a compromise.
My wife is like your husband with these things. I am more picky. She wants to please so that used to default to me deciding. Like for you, that became tiresome for me. The onus was always on me and it became a chore.
Here is our solution. We alternate who decides things. We tend to go out to eat on Saturdays and one week she will decide and another week I will. Since you are trying to get him to decide more the hard part is not to change the choice. Go with it even if you don’t like it to reward and validate the process. One way to deal with limiting the things you don’t like is to agree on a list but let them make the final choice. Or you can say something like “I want to eat out but not Chinese tonight”. This lets him choose but you put something specific to be avoided upfront.
For us this helped. She became comfortable with making choices and this spilled into other areas as well. I became more tolerant of things I didn’t like which helped validate her choices.
So after our restaurant nights became easier I let it be known that sometimes I just didn’t want to be the one to plan date nights. So I would let her know that I wanted to do something with her on such and such date but I didn’t know what. More and more she would step up because she was becoming comfortable about it.
For our last anniversary I said I was logistically at capacity and wanted her to plan our celebration. She picked a movie and a new restaurant to try based on one of her closer friends recommendation and it was great. I also let her know what a great the evening she planned was.
Now she doesn’t need to be asked. Our boys were supposed to go on a Boy Scout ski trip this weekend that unfortunately got cancelled. We she stepped up and suggested we go as a family and had looked into it. Wow! So this weekend we are going skiing for a trip she thought of and planned.
You can get there but you need to help him feel comfortable about it. Work on the small things first to enable his comfort to grow.
My wife is like your husband with these things. I am more picky. She wants to please so that used to default to me deciding. Like for you, that became tiresome for me. The onus was always on me and it became a chore.
Here is our solution. We alternate who decides things. We tend to go out to eat on Saturdays and one week she will decide and another week I will. Since you are trying to get him to decide more the hard part is not to change the choice. Go with it even if you don’t like it to reward and validate the process. One way to deal with limiting the things you don’t like is to agree on a list but let them make the final choice. Or you can say something like “I want to eat out but not Chinese tonight”. This lets him choose but you put something specific to be avoided upfront.
For us this helped. She became comfortable with making choices and this spilled into other areas as well. I became more tolerant of things I didn’t like which helped validate her choices.
So after our restaurant nights became easier I let it be known that sometimes I just didn’t want to be the one to plan date nights. So I would let her know that I wanted to do something with her on such and such date but I didn’t know what. More and more she would step up because she was becoming comfortable about it.
For our last anniversary I said I was logistically at capacity and wanted her to plan our celebration. She picked a movie and a new restaurant to try based on one of her closer friends recommendation and it was great. I also let her know what a great the evening she planned was.
Now she doesn’t need to be asked. Our boys were supposed to go on a Boy Scout ski trip this weekend that unfortunately got cancelled. We she stepped up and suggested we go as a family and had looked into it. Wow! So this weekend we are going skiing for a trip she thought of and planned.
You can get there but you need to help him feel comfortable about it. Work on the small things first to enable his comfort to grow.
I would say to tell him its his turn to plan a date night. and no matter what he plans go along with it enthuasticaly.and then after tell him how much you liked the good parts of it with out critizing the parts you didn't like.
and then take turns.
my wife fall into this trap because we go out so infrequently that we both want to do something we both like.
But what happens is neither of us really have a good time because its always a compromise.
We always take turns on who picks. The other person has veto power, but if the veto power is used, then that person must decide where to go. We are usually so happy that a decision has been made that no one ever uses the veto option :-)
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The husband 
