par4

I must say after reading this post i thought about it and discussed with my wife. I do understand the points here. We discussed when it was acceptable and agreed that some of it is just a way to show affection. Sometimes she will say "you sitll like my body" Answer is YES
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nc_girl

My husband would do this ALL the time - and so many times, I really just wanted a hug and his groping ruined the feeling. No matter how much I told him I didn't like it, he continued to do it. Just one small example of how I felt disrespected in my marriage. Now we are separated...

par4

So you never felt it was a sign of affection just an inappropriate cop a feel?
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nc_girl

I guess it happened so many times when it was inappropriate - maybe I was upset about something, or I just needed a hug for some reason...I felt it really ruined it for me. Like he couldn't just do something for ME - he had to get something out of it too.

par4

So it happened every time, that would seem excessive. How did he show you affection?
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greenpearl

When he disrespects you, you disrespect him.

When he gropes you, you play with his c*ck.

I don't know how many men like naughty women!

My guess is most men like naughty women!

Too bad that a lot of women are not wired to be naughty!

nc_girl

He only seemed to know how to express affection sexually. And my affection (touching his leg, or something along those lines) was never enough for him because it wasn't sexual. After so many years of this, I really felt like all he wanted from me was sex.

MEM11363

NC,
I am going to continue to chime in on this thread. The very first time my W made this point to me - and she was really angry - I got it. I understood she really didn't like being groped.

And you know that is why the non-sexual touch in our marriage is so good. She loves when I touch or hug her. And when I come up behind her in the kitchen and hug her I don't grind her or grab her boobs. I just do a gentle full body hug. And she relaxes back into me. I love that.

And this is also why our sex life is very good. She associates touch with feeling nice. Same rules apply in bed. I know what feels good to her at the start - the middle and the end.

I do not understand why guys think marriage means they get to physically do stuff to their wives - that their wives do NOT like.

Funny thing. If my W was starving me of sex - which she never has - the LAST thing I would do is grope her.

Lionelhutz

It is sad if a spouse only wants to grope when the other spouse doesn't want it. And I think it is equally sad that both spouses can't enjoy and be comfortable with routinely groping each other.

As always it is only a question of compatibility and nothing more. The spouse that wants to grope is not wrong nor is the spouse rejecting it "right". They just aren't on the same page. They don't need to look outside themselves to seek out support to decide which one of them is in the wrong.

Me personally, my wife always liked groping (giving and receiving) even when she stopped wanting sex. Groping doesn't always have to be about grabbing a cheap thrill, sometimes it is just a recognition that you are intimate lovers and not brother and sister.

shy_guy

What I really like here is that you saw something, thought about your wife, realized you may have something to learn, then you discussed it with your wife and came to an agreement. I always love that. Good stuff.

endlessgrief

Oh honey, I am about in tears right now. Okay, now I am crying which I rarely do. Hold on while I wipe my eyes. (I am NOT kidding here).

My husband used to cop a feel all the time, my butt, boobs, everywhere, he would act like a lech and I hated it. I used to complain to him about it. He never stopped though because he loved me and my body and couldn't stop copping a feel.

Now it is 20 years later, I have gained weight, he is in a depression and he barely hugs me at all anymore. If he does hug me, I get the polite pats on the back you would give someone at a funeral, no more copping a feel and I MISS IT! I truly miss it, dammit, I didn't thing it bothered me that much until I read this thread. I am actually sitting here crying. Looking back, I felt HOT when he copped a feel even though I complained, now I feel like an unsexy bag of potatoes and it hurts like hell.

Please, be careful for what you wish for, because you just might get it.

par4

Good advice.
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Lionelhutz

Sorry to hear of your situation but some good thoughts.

Its so very sad when couples aren't sexually in tune. My wife seems to have always been under the assumption that my sexual interest in her would always be there on permanent standby and she could sample from it as she wished.

It's very sad and painful for both of us to realize it's not.

southern wife

Yes, this is how I see it as well. Has to be something in it for HIM, too. But why isn't a hug back enough?

Funny thing is, since I started this thread, he hasn't done the "grope" thing as much. Just hugs.

I feel there's a time and place for all things, including sexual touch. And 9 times out of 10 that is not during a good old-fashion, loving hug.

missy_me

My husband doesn't do that, but I can totally see why that would be frustrating for you. Along the thought of, "can we not just have intimacy without it always being overtly sexual?" My husband grabs my butt every now and then when we hug but it definitely isn't every time so it doesn't bother me. What I can relate to is that anytime we start kissing, he starts this grinding motion like a 15 year old boy. Sometimes he isn't even against me, just doing it to the air laying in bed. And that gets frustrating because sometimes, I want to kiss just to kiss, not because I want you to hump me. And keep in mind, we do have sex several times a week, so it's not like he isn't getting any.