I have had tinnitus (constant ringing in my ears) since I was 8 years old; it was caused by an ear infection. Anyway this winter I had a severe ear infection that made the ringing much worse on my right side. There is no treatment or cure for tinnitus. In fact, many tinnitus sufferers commit suicide because the loud sound drives them crazy. I am not at the level but the sound is so loud that it makes me difficult to hear people speak, TV, ambient noise.
The fact that it is permanent and untreatable has me very depressed. I (probably stupidly) spent a lot of time reading about it online and came away with the impression that the 'normal' thing to do is to commit suicide. I am not a suicidal person so don't worry. It's just got me very depressed because I know that this is a permanent, life-altering condition. When we can afford it, I'll go to a psychologist for some therapy to try to deal with it.
Two big issues are coming up in my marriage with this. First, H is always saying things like "It will get better, it will go back to how it was before (since I was 8 - tolerable level)". The thing is that for me to cope with this, I need to accept that it's permanent and find ways to sort of move on, and I am so tired of trying to explain to him that it is NOT helpful to be told these 'there, there' platitudes. I know he feels helpless and wants to fix it and comfort me, but he can't and it's driving me nuts that he can't just say "I'm so sorry that this happened and I'll be here for you no matter what," when I get depressed about it.
The second problem is that I can't hear very well anymore. Sometimes I speak too loudly or too quietly because I can't really tell how loud I'm speaking. I'm constantly asking him to repeat himself. I know it annoys him. This makes me kind of avoid conversation. I'm starting to feel isolated, not just out in the world but even in my own home.
Any advice for how to get him to quit with the 'it will be okay don't give up hope' crap, or about the isolating thing? Hearing aids won't help me; there's nothing wrong with my hearing. It's just that whatever is out there to be heard is being drowned out by this very loud ringing.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I have slight tinnitis - I think maybe just from aging. It's weird because sometimes it is a bit worse and sometimes a bit better. I don't have it to the point where I can't hear well, or where it drives me to distraction, though. Actually, if I concentrate on it - like right now since it is on my mind, I can hear a slight high-pitched ringing in both of my ears.
Firstly, for your husband - maybe start to educate him. Have him start looking at some articles/books about the condition. Have him go to any doctor's appointment with you if you have any. Just simply tell him, "Thanks honey for the shout-out, but I really need to just know that you will be here for me."
And, for you - quit doing online research and looking in to scary things like suicide. Read something like the following which offers insight and ways to cope with the disorder:
What do you do to keep busy? Hobbies? Exercising? If you can keep yourself busy, you may be able to tune out some of the ringing.
There's always hope, Omega. Even if you cannot be rid of the ringing, believe that you can learn techniques to try and manage it and learn to live with it. Don't give up that hope.
I love Emily Di(kinson and her poem on hope:
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
Actually there are treatments available. Not all people respond to all treatments, so you need to get with your doctor.
Xanax can be used to treat both the problem (Tinnitus) and the anxiety caused by it. Acamprosate is currently undergoing studies in this country after it was reported to reduce the severity of tinnitus in 87% of patients in another study.
There are also food therapy, holistic and other approaches. Sound therapy is another alternative.
I had a severe virally induced hearing loss in both ears several years ago. While I eventually got most of my hearing back, I was left a bad dose of tinnitus.
I had a great doctor that helped me through all the issues. He wasn't the first doctor I went too though. The first two told me "Nothing can be done, you'll have to learn to live with it" That wasn't acceptable to me.
Go see a specialist. Dig, dig, dig. Be responsible for your own health.
__________________ The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?
OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
Last edited by Mistys dad; 03-09-2012 at 02:28 PM.
__________________ The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?
OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.
i have the same problem. it keeps me awake at night, makes hearing difficult and makes me talk louder than i should.
i went to a doctor (twice at my wife's insistence) and there was nothing he could do.
i suggest first, going to the doctor with your husband so he hears it first hand what your situation is.
second, if he's giving you the "there, there" treatment, it must be in response to you mentioning the problem. don't mention it to him again and you won't get that response.
as for asking him to repeat himself, don't. my wife has a habit of trying to talk to me from another room, with the TV and me running water in the sink. i used to ask her to repeat herself and she'd get pissed. finally i stopped. yes, i know she said something but if i couldn't make it out, i act like i didn't hear her and SHE makes the adjustment to be heard (talks louder, comes in from the other room or waits for a quieter setting).
I think he's going to come with me to the hospital on Monday morning for more tests. At least he can hear the doctor's opinion himself, rather than through me. I hope that will help.
I would love to see a specialist. However the doctors said that I'd probably have to go to the US or Germany and we can't afford that. I do try to be responsible but traveling internationally is out of the question for us. I have good doctors here but since I've had this since I was 8 anyway, well, I'm not expecting a miracle.
Enchantment, you're right that for now, the best relief comes from being really busy outdoors. I spent the morning at the farmers' market and didn't notice it at all. But the lack of sleep does make me short-tempered and I tend to be snappy more than usual - like permanent PMS. Dh has been sleeping on the couch because I can't fall asleep and I keep him up. I had a breakdown yesterday over the sleeping apart thing. Sorry this is so disjointed, my brain is pretty much mush at this point.
I am a tinnitus sufferer as well, have been for as long as I can remember. I have found that hydration levels play a big part in how bad it is.
The only other relief I get is listening to music, not too loud, or you will be twice as bad the following day, just decent volume background noise.
I also tend to watch people speak, kinda like a pseudo lip reading, off-putting for some, as it comes across as an intensely friendly body language, even if I am dealing with them professionally.
Pisses me off when I get a hearing test and they tell me that I have a slight hearing loss in xx range. Sorry dude, but I haven't lost it. I hear it all the time!
Mine went away after I got hearing aids which I need since I was losing my hearing. Mime was self induced. Gun shots, load music, car without exhaust. Only if in my youth I would have thought what that was doing to my hearing
I have always had this. I still get ear infections, but as a child I got them all the time. I think mines hereditary, my father has it also. I never thought of ear infections causing this.
I use to keep busy, but since I broke my neck I have a lot more resting time. I'm unable to do much in a 24 hr period. I try to ignore it by reading. It's highly annoying, but at least it doesn't cause any pain like my neck does.
There is no cure, but there is no way I would take strong anti anxiety medication for it either. I'm sure everyone has their certain level of tinnitus. Mine will drown out sound as well. For some reason, some days are worse then others. I also need to get my ears cleaned out by the doctor. I have wax build up that I'm sure doesn't help.
I just do whatever it takes to drown out the noise. Try and stay positive. It might calm down a bit also. It can take up to a year or two for nerves to regenerate.
My husband has stood by my side for any health reason. I've had 3 major health issues since our marriage. 2 which ended up in surgery, the other was a 5 night stay in the hospital 3 months ago for an infection. Once I broke my neck, I never recovered. I have severe pain. I went from running 36 miles a week to barely walking. My husband has proved himself over and over being by my side. My whole life was turned upside down and it was up to me to make the best out of it. That is what I try to do and stay positive as much as humanly possible.
Good luck. I hope you can convince your husband to be patient and talk a little louder. If the ringing is out of hand, find a speciality doctor if your family doctor does not help you.
If you really can't hear someone, ask them to write it down. Keep a notepad and pen handy.
I have always had this. I still get ear infections, but as a child I got them all the time. I think mines hereditary, my father has it also. I never thought of ear infections causing this.
I use to keep busy, but since I broke my neck I have a lot more resting time. I'm unable to do much in a 24 hr period. I try to ignore it by reading. It's highly annoying, but at least it doesn't cause any pain like my neck does.
There is no cure, but there is no way I would take strong anti anxiety medication for it either. I'm sure everyone has their certain level of tinnitus. Mine will drown out sound as well. For some reason, some days are worse then others. I also need to get my ears cleaned out by the doctor. I have wax build up that I'm sure doesn't help.
I just do whatever it takes to drown out the noise. Try and stay positive. It might calm down a bit also. It can take up to a year or two for nerves to regenerate.
My husband has stood by my side for any health reason. I've had 3 major health issues since our marriage. 2 which ended up in surgery, the other was a 5 night stay in the hospital 3 months ago for an infection. Once I broke my neck, I never recovered. I have severe pain. I went from running 36 miles a week to barely walking. My husband has proved himself over and over being by my side. My whole life was turned upside down and it was up to me to make the best out of it. That is what I try to do and stay positive as much as humanly possible.
Good luck. I hope you can convince your husband to be patient and talk a little louder. If the ringing is out of hand, find a speciality doctor if your family doctor does not help you.
If you really can't hear someone, ask them to write it down. Keep a notepad and pen handy.
Not trying to sidetrack a thread but have you ever tried the ear wax candle? It's awesome and you can use it at home yourself. Even fir people who don't get buildup it feels like you can hear again for the first time. It's awesome
Where I live it's customary for the ENT doctor to clean your ears whenever he sees you so I've had my ears professionally cleaned a few times just in the past months. Unfortunately it seems it's not so much of an ear problem as a brain problem though.
We went to the doctor together and they did hearing tests and found that I actually have hearing loss which I was not expecting (I think I can hear too well - including the tinnitus) but unfortunately the doctor didn't really have time to discuss the details with us so I don't think DH learned much from the visit. I usually know what he's saying because we know each other so well but it's frustrating being around other people because I usually won't know what they're going to say. Unfortunately I live in a foreign country so I am speaking a foreign language all the time which means that hearing well is important - imagine being hard of hearing at home, then how much harder when everyone is speaking a foreign language!
Anyway I think he is starting to get 'bored' with my condition so I don't hear as many platitudes as long as I don't complain. I think the secret to this is just to keep my mouth shut about it. Right now my biggest 'annoyance' is that he will randomly ask me if it's as bad and when I say 'yes' he acts surprised and disappointed. The surprise is what gets me. I have explained so many times that it is permanent. I know this is MY issue and I have to accept it but somehow the whole "omg are you serious - it's STILL there?" is just so frustrating to hear.
Maybe you need to have a conversation with your H as to why he doesn't think, or seems unwilling to accept, that it is a permanent condition.
Is he worried about it? Is he a worrier in general? If he's worried about it, what's he fearful of?
Is he a forgetful person? Or is it just this issue that he keeps bringing up and asking about?
Best wishes.
He's not a worrier at all, in fact he's very laid back in general. I don't think he's worried about anything but I think that since he doesn't like to see me in pain / suffering, he can't accept that it's permanent or that he can't 'fix it'. He himself has a permanent injury from when he was in the army and I asked him how he 'accepted' that it was permanent and he said it was very easy for him to do so and he didn't feel depressed about it, and dealt with it very matter-of-factly. Which is what I'm asking him to do with me , but he can't. He's not forgetful - I think he just honestly can't accept it and is genuinely surprised that it's not 'going away.'
I am convinced that others are put in our life in order to teach us things that we need to be taught. I know that my kids have been put in my life in order to teach me patience for one - something I am horrible at, but learning about everyday.
When your husband keeps approaching you and asks "Are you better?", simply be patient (hard I KNOW!), state "Sweetheart, I appreciate your concern. I wish my condition weren't permanent, but it is, but today I am doing fine."
Perhaps he wants nothing more than a reassurance you are really doing okay - especially if you have been down about it.
Living with a chronic condition is no fun. I know about that because I also have one. There are many good books on that subject to read - and if you feel yourself spiralling downward into a black funk, then reach out to someone - reach out to your husband, family, friends, doctor. Go for a walk, keep yourself active, meditate on the good things in your life.
my health is hurting our marriage 
