Chelle D

Mid life crises:

I've heard it described " A Man coming into the reality of his own mortality, by trying to recapture the enjoyment of his youth."

Is it just a male thing?

Do women go thru mid-life crises too?

If so, How do we stop the feelings of wanting our youth back?


I am serious here.
Any 40+ 'ers out there with sound advice?

FirstYearDown

I have not technically hit midlife, but I do know that women are just as given to midlife crises. We reach our forties and come to a point of reevaluate our choices and goals.

Midlife crises for women can often result in affairs and divorces as we seek to look beyond our marriages. I have also seen women hit 40 and have one more child in an attempt to feel young again, as they are confronted with menopause and senior years getting closer.

Mistys dad

Male mid-life crisis is more myth and hyperbole than fact.

Most studies show that close to 90% of men do not suffer from the "Mid-Life" crisis.

Yep, it's a catchy phrase. Sure, it's easy to poke fun at a "stable' guy finally having some fun. But if you look at the "symptoms" of the crisis they remarkably coincide with financial, time, family, obligations being met and free time being more available.

__________________
The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?

OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.

SimplyAmorous

Oh yes !!.... I could go on about a Mid Life crisis, mine came on me like a freight train..... It was on the heels of a few things...

1. Having our last child & getting an IUD (finally sexual freedom)

2. Oldest son going off to college, a new beginning for him, an ending to this part of our parenting, things will never be the same ...tears

3. Since I made this long Movie Maker Video for my son for His Grad party...photos of him from birth To Grad... Our ages started to hit me...... I thought I'd take the time to scan old pics of me & my husband through our life together (27 yrs total at that time)... I put a mushy love song to that.... stayed up all night scanning old pics....I didn't sleep a wink..... when I finally played this video back.... .It took me by surprise... I sat there balling my eyes out.... all those beautiful memories welling up in my heart... watching 6 babies be born.. as we have gotten older.... and I cried a river... thinking ...Oh mY God, where did all of these years go too.. I wanted to go back in time... grab that sexy man I married & live those years all over again.

I think I RE-fell in love with my husband that night.. before this, I was taking him for granted, busy with projects, kids....

Yes, I wanted to Grab OUR youth in the worst way.... me & him have done literally everything together since we met in our teens.... it was always "US' in both of our minds... this did not change for me during My Mid Life crisis.... but one thing I knew it was almost immediately... I was ALL SEXUAL... Since I was a one of those Repressed Good girls most of our marraige, and suddenly realized we never had any kind of wild adventerous phase.... it was TIME ..... I swear this all happened to me over night...

I wanted to go to Rock concerts... we were inches from a Mosh pit at one of them...we were trying all kinds of things sexually.. I was having an affair with my husband!! Yeah, that is the way to do it -- (Bought a book like that ...below)... a friend invited us to a strip club, I was game, he enjoyed that-husband never been to one.... it was a little part of our WILD spell (it has past).... I was not jealous, I wanted sex more than him, so anything to turn him on was working for me !

I wanted to take Romantic vacations-- we neglected that sort of thing our entire marraige..always putting the kids 1st, this was a mistake. Just anything & everything we ever wanted to do or I feel we missed in our youth, I set out to get a feel of , and DO... most of it was heating up the bedroom.

My MId life Crisis really enhanced our marraige... my husband really indulged me in everything I wanted , and I felt these stirrings really intensely for a time.... I love him for that, for being there for me every step of the way. I would cry sometimes, I don't like getting older.. BUt at least we still are feeling good.

.. He often reminds me of what we have now, all of our dreams accomplished...back then, I worried about so much of this... I was missing him.

I feel we spent sooo many years trying to climb that mountain of our dreams.... we were missing each other with busyness, now we are on the Mountain top... the site is beautiful, we don't want it to end... but soon, so soon, we will have to tread down the other side of that mountain..... where it will be more about the kids... seeing them live their young dreams.... we had our chance.

Mid life crises do not have to go badly...we definitely made lemonade with mine... .If you feel like having an affair... rekindle what you have, go back in time, grab that young lover you had by your side you was crazy about.

This is the book I got , I really enjoyed the read.

Kosher Adultery: Seduce and Sin with Your Spouse

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"Love Good Blog"

Runs like Dog

yes it starts at age 9.

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827Aug

I'll soon be 49 and haven't had my mid-life crisis yet. Perhaps it's because I'm still picking up the pieces from my estranged husband's destructive mid-life crisis.

isla~mama

I'm 38, my mum was just last year diagnosed with breast cancer and my aunt with ovarian cancer. Sometimes I feel like I should start tombstone shopping right now .

I've always had a strong sense of my mortality, even as a child, though recognizing that my life may potentially be half over makes it all the more vivid.

My advice is to identify what exactly it is that you fear about getting older. My fears revolve around my functionality, my vision, and not being able to drive. If I can keep those things then I can face the future with some optimism.

As far as death goes, so much depends on your religious beliefs. I don't know if I believe in a heaven per se, but I do believe in the timelessnes of the human soul, which admittedly is a comfort when I'm lying in bed at night thinking about death.

If you eat healthy and stay active you can beat the clock by good measure. I read the book "Eat to Live" and try to follow its principles as best I can. He recommends a mostly vegan diet with huge amounts of greens being consumed.

savannah

YES! Lots of women definitely go through MLC!
Some use shopping as an outlet , some a new hobby... almost the same things as men do when they go through MLC, though not as "ridiculous" ! LOL!

I think hitting 40 makes us review our life, hoping to make a bit of a change from the norm, or how the past years were lived. Many do complete life changes, move to a far away country, loose weight, become vegetarians.... theres a lot of different form of MLC for women, ranging from the norm to really insane!

SunnyT

We reach our forties and come to a point of reevaluate our choices and goals.

THIS is a normal stage of human growth and development.... I forgot the name of it.... it comes right before "Self Actualization". Makes sense, right?

Crisis is the key term tho. We ALL do evaluations of our life, some more in depth.... some more maturely... whatever. We don't ALL have or create a crisis.

I agree with MistysDad.... way too much advertising on this label. Usually, someone makes a "life change", that others do not agree with (which may or may not be understandable to the spouse!)...and is labeled "in the middle of a Midlife crisis".

Of course women go through midlife transitions and introspections, some cause a crisis.... some go shopping, some run off and join the circus.... causing a crisis for the loved ones left behind, not necessarily for themselves. Some make improvements, and sometimes those improvements do not include their current spouse! Some just wish and do nothing.... MLC is different for everyone. It's a growth period.... some ace it, some flunk. But it doesn't have to be a crisis.

Unhappy2011

Before reading any response, I am going to speculate that like many things such as heart disease, flatulence, or snoring, it affects women as much as much as it does men.

Why it is only discussed in the context of men is probably just due to social conventions of what is masculine and feminine.


So yes, I do think women feel it. They probably just call it something different, like "trying to find myself".

And your use of "we" implies you are feeling it yourself.

Chelle D

Oh...yeah.... Feeling it very much some days. Other days, I think I'm okay with it... or think it doesn't apply to me.

I'm starting towards more premenopausal symptoms, and i guess it's bothering me quite a lot. Realizing that even though I don't want anymore children, the prospect of not "being able" to produce them will effect me as a woman.

I guess I've slightly known in the back of my mind, that its starting, and very much explains some behaviors in the past 6 months.
(The trying to recapture enjoyment of youth.)


I guess I just really wish hubby would be more understanding and would hug me & calm me down, instead of storming out the door.
It's been better lately (last 3ish months), but before that... you couldn't cut the tension with a hunting knife.

diwali123

I'm thinking about it. Turned 40 this year. My grandma died last year, my h has a V. I don't want more kids. I have seriously been thinking about getting a gastric bypass. I have fought my weight for 20 years and done every diet known to man, nothing works. This year I got my first tattoo. I never could think if what I wanted. Life seemed so long and I didn't know what I would want for the rest of my life. I realized life isn't that long a d found something I really wanted.
I also got a cartilidge piercing a year ago, the first "odd" piercing I've ever had.
So I guess that's my MLC. Tattoos and bypasses.
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itgetsbetter

Yes. A woman who is very close to me is going through a major mid-life crisis right now. Though it's early for her...she's 35. She got married at 19 though, so she never lived a single life...so the mid-life crisis has come early. I'm scared for her

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A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him. ~~ Mae West

Chelle D

Is she really going thru mid life crisis though?? If she "never lifed a single life"... are you sure she's just not going thru a self destructive phase late?

Hope your friend is not on a self destructive phase.

j

shy_guy

Interesting set of posts and thoughts.

Is it possible we explain away women's midlife episodes sometimes as "Pre-menopause" or "peri-menopause" and that's why we don't recognize it as often? What do you guys think?