diwali123

I wish there was a book for women who have a higher drive than their husbands! People tell me to be more assertive, surprise him
with being naked or wearing lingerie. It doesn't work!
So ladies in my position have you found the missing link to get your guy to want it more?
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Mephisto

Very short book indeed, but I shall offer my professional services to write it for you.

Here goes.

Be naked.
Have beer.

The end.

YinPrincess

Nope.

Well. I could become a cell phone apparently. Or an 80 lb porn actress. Other than that?

His f***ing phone gets more action than I do.
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strugglinghusband

how about an 80lb sexy cell phone.

Actually not a bad idea, rent a cell phone costume get all made up with nothing on but the cell phone costume and walk out wearing it, and tell him, "Since your cell phone gets more action than me, and you like porn stars, here I am, reach out and touch ME!"

YinPrincess

LoL I'm sure he'd be attracted to anything and everything but me right now.

It's okay. I'm starting to feel the same about him.
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strugglinghusband

you can run a MAP of your own....start looking better, not paying as much attention to him, find outside intrests (not another man, lol) etc etc ..he will either think somethings up and start paying attention or you will be in the same boat you are allready in, but will be a better you....what do you have to lose?

Mavash.

Men with a LD is a silent epidemic. According to what I've read it affects about 30% of men. I should know I happen to be married to one. What has worked most for me is to treat him the same as the men would with a LD woman.

That meant letting go of all my perceived notions of how men 'should' be out the window. So that be naked and bring beer won't work on a LD man. The LD man needs to (for lack of a better word) be romanced man style. They need to be treated well because if they have ANY unresolved issues with you it will affect their libido. Same goes with stress, work issues, financial, etc.

In short they are just like a LD woman.

Just my .02

Enchantment

I think Athol's MAP is applicable to both men and women - it's essentially taking personal responsibility for the outcome that you desire. As such, women who find themselves in sexless marriages with husbands who have little desire can benefit from implementing it - they will benefit whether or not their husband becomes more sexual or not. Because when you start to take 100% responsibility for yourself and the outcome you desire, you have taken back the control you have so unwittingly been giving to a non-responsive spouse.

Here's also a good book for women that have husband's who aren't interested in sex. Gives a lot of clarity on the various issues that can result in a man who doesn't want sex, and a view in to the fact that it is not that uncommon of a problem:

Amazon.com: He's Just Not Up for It Anymore: Why Men Stop Having Sex, and What You Can Do About It: Bob Berkowitz, Susan Yager-Berkowitz: Books

__________________

Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare. ~ George Meredith

LovesHerMan

It is really hard when the woman wants more sex because this is outside the norm. People love to make jokes, but it is not funny when you are in this kind of marriage.

I think the worst part of this situation is that there are only so many things you can do to entice your spouse to have sex with you. There is the carrot: meet his/her needs, man/woman up, wear sexy clothes, go to the gym, and the stick: do the 180, turn down the temperature, develop your own interests, tell them that you are unhappy.

I think that ultimately you have to decide how important this is to you. Some spouses will wake up if they realize how dire the situation has become. Some will not care to meet their spouse's needs. Is the rest of the marriage is good enough to put up with living without a sexual connection?

YinPrincess

I'm having a hard time understanding why Low Drive men still masturbate but have no interest in sex... That is what I can't wrap my mind around... You would think if they are low drive that self-stimulation would also disappear?
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strugglinghusband

Maybe it's just the physical release, quick, easy and the good feelings of the chemicals being released in your brain...

CandieGirl

I don't buy the MAP/MMSL...or any of that stuff he writes. When a man isn't interested in sex, I'm convinced it's his brain wiring that's off, for whatever reason. No amount of me making myself more attractive to other males is going to do anything but .... probably get me hooked up with another male. Or is that the whole point?

The wiring is faulty. They don't care about sex one way or another, unless it's porn, and viewing porn, isn't the same as having actual sex. They don't care if you're naked with beer.

rundown

The reason why their isn't one yet is because with men it is usualy pretty simple. No hoops to jump through, you don't have to worry about some stupid balancing act between alpha vs beta, you can just be who you are and it normaly works.

With a male you are looking at very few root causes that cover atleast 90% of the problems. He is cheating, has low T, has ED, is depressed/anxious, has a porn addiction, or he just is sick of being nagged/disrespected (wether it be percieved or actual). Not much to us at all, most of us just need you to be ready and willing.

rundown

I look at MMSL as getting yourself ready for a new mate because who you have always been isn't good enough for your current one who so badly wanted a ring on her finger.

rundown

Pure laziness, they don't want to have to do their share and would rather just take 2min to release. Usualy these men don't care about the connection with their wives and have already checked out.