unappreciated

We have been together for 16 years, married for 4 1/2 years. We have 3 beautiful, healthy kids. I have always babied my husband, I get up 2 hrs earlier than I have to, to fix his coffee & lunch, keep house clean, kids taken care of.. I am just really tired of it all.. I am 38, and very confused on how to handle my situation. I love him but not in love with him anymore. He comes home, eats supper and then goes and watches tv. When I try to talk to him, I usually have to repeat myself because he is too much into the tv show. I have lost 30 pounds over the last 4 months and am getting a little attention when we go out. I am a friendly person, not a flirt, there is a difference and he is very to himself. He used to be more personable. He is 10 years older than me, I don't think that matters but when I try to talk about problems, he either isn't listening or swells us because he dosen't like any kind of confronation. Either it is good or bad, no in between. It has always been like this but it just seems lately, I don't want to live like that anymore. There are 50 things to do around the house, but the chores seem to keep piling up. Jobs that I don't know how to fix and can't afford someone else to fix. The kids are driving me crazy. I can only put on a happy face for so long. I am tired of just "letting it go" to keep the peace. I would rather me be upset about something than see him stomp around and be crappy to everyone. The kids see it. I cannot afford a divorce but I can't live like this forever. Please help me!!

827Aug

Hi!

Regardless of how you look at the situation, you have three choices. Number One, keep on like you're doing--and be miserable. Number Two, decide to work on your marriage (which take the participation of both partners). Number Three, get a divorce and move on. You'll have to decide which option you really want.

From your post, it sounds as though you would like Option Number Two. However, does your husband? Here I go again...please read the book by Gary Chapman titled "Five Love Languages". I really think the techniques in it will benefit you at this point--even on a spouse who isn't "participating".

Best of luck!

valium

Hello there

I understand exactly what you are going through as I am doing the same at the moment. I am trying the number two option but do not think it is working. I have done the same as you and do everything for my husband and kids and work full time but get no thanks etc. I have had a really bad day today and once I start crying cannot stop. My husband told me I am lazy as I asked him to help me with the house tonight as we have a really busy weekend! we both decided in january to give it one last chance but not sure now if it is going to work as it seems to be going back to the old way.

I am sorry but no one can tell you what do do apart from yourself and I know as i am there as well.

We just need to be strong for ourselves and the children. Try not to let him take you for granted.

I sometimes wish I had a fairy up there that could wave her wand and make everything all right.

At the end of the day try your best and see what happens instead of focusing on the bad about him try and focus on the good and hopefully that will help a but generally

thinking of you

Margaret

Man this sounds like my house too. Could it be we aren't so abnormal? My H holes up in the bedroom every night watching tv. I have to wait until he notices me to speak and I'd best wait for commercial. If I come in babbling, he'll crank the volume on the tv.

I try to talk to him about anything and everything and he doesn't want to. Last night I tried to talk about sex and he shut down.

How can we work on things without a plan?

I feel your pain.