Carol/BC

I'm heartened to hear of the work you are both doing - counseling for 5 months! Yay! Retreat for couples - Yay! So, what's the snag? (don't just say "drinking" because that doesn't give me any information).

SunnyT

Let him go with love and after all the crap you have to go through to divorce, at the end will be a free soul not worried about a drunk. Stay strong and hang in there!



You are already finding peace. And it GETS BETTER!!! Drunks are hard to live with....and angry drunks are hard to deal with.

Get your ducks in a row. Get financial papers together and see an attorney. You can't just talk about divorce with an angry drunk... you just have to bite the bullet and do it.

You have to know.... it may get worse before it gets better. But you do what you have to do. You don't have to move back because he said. Call and cancel the moving truck.... UNLESS, it's to your advantage to move back and divorce from that state. Knowledge is power.... use your time away from him to do all the homework you can.

It's doable. Not easy, not fun.... but the rewards (Freaking peace of mind = PRICELESS) are well worth it.

hisfac

You told him you wanted a divorce and he said he's a grown man who could drink if he wants and he has a moving company giving an estimate on moving back to your original state and you're not even sure you want to go back? And since you aren't sure you want to go back it's going to get messy? Why would you move anywhere with him if you want a divorce? And didnt you think telling him that you wanted a divorce would lead to things getting messy??

Is it me or are lots of posts just not making sense tonight?

betweenworlds

Hisfac, sorry you are "confused" here. We are originially from another state where all our family and friends live and where my husband works as well. We've been in this new state since last July and signed a two year lease which the landlord, if necessary is willing to let us out of in one year.

Husband claims he can't find a job in new state after 10 months of being here. I claim he hasn't really tried all that hard, but that's my opinion.

Yes, I am intelligent enough to know this would get messy and even messier because of the circumstance of how we are living at the moment. Hope that clears things up.

I saw my regular therapist that I see (she regulates medicine for chronic migraines and chronic anxiety) today. She has been a therapist (she's also an MD) for 30 years that my husband is a full blown alcoholic. THIS is the source, though there are a lot of other issues that affect us.

I need to decide what is best for the children. Uprooting them AGAIN and going back to our old state where the cost of living is sky high or stay here where they are now adjusted. CLEAR?

growtogether

What would be the best for you children then?

__________________
www.toprelationshipcoaching.com
Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left? Still 5 frogs because there’s a difference between deciding and doing.
To get what you want, take action!

In_The_Wind

So technically he is what is known as a functioning alcoholic. Based on yr previous post you can stay
In the state yr currently in but you don't have to live with him. Again accepting
Unacceptable behavior is classic codependency I would set yr boundaries give him
He either will do it or he will not if not then file see if that will straighten him out
Posted via Mobile Device

betweenworlds

I would probably have to say staying here only because for almost a year they have gotten "used to" their Dad coming and going. If we move it will be into a small townhouse (since there are six kids) and he will also have to do so. If we go back it would be more of a drastic living situation than they are used to - coming and going from one house to another.

If we stay here at least the downstairs is finished with a separate entrance. That might work for a while.

The therapist today gave the name of a couple's therapist and said he specialized in addictions and that we should go.

growtogether

What is good for your children, is it good for you too?
I can understand that children are important, but what about you? What about your life?

__________________
www.toprelationshipcoaching.com
Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left? Still 5 frogs because there’s a difference between deciding and doing.
To get what you want, take action!

betweenworlds

I suppose. I am starting to make friends. I like the fact that I am kind of starting over - getting away from all the chaos we left behind in the old state. Yes, I think things would be good here for me.

When my kids are happy, I am happy

First Time Wife

Between,

I am worried to put in my opinion because I am young and have little experience. I will say that I am married to a recovering drug addict who has been clean and sober for 7 years and 6 months. He spent time in prison because his addiction like most lead to terrible choices and the end result was that he had to pay for those choices. I respect him for the fact that he did change his life for the better. The other aspect is that once and addict always and addict. I say this lightly because I do not think the word addiction is black and white I think there is a wide range. I like to drink but I also know I do not like who I am when I drink and that is because I drink for the wrong reasons. This may not mean I am an alcoholic but I this does mean that I use alcohol as a drug for myself. The point I am slowly getting to is that he in my opinion is self medicating and does not want to see it for what it is. My husband does not admit he manipulates me or tries to, this is a behavior he used in the past and still uses. I have learned to find peace in myself in my own ways, doing something that makes you happy. For me it was getting my college degree. You sound like a great mother and friend. I hope the best for you, remember that challenges are there to humble you so you can truely appreciate the small glimmers of light.