She said THIS (among other things) is causing problems in her marriage so absolutely she is blaming him for this. If she weren't she'd know he had nothing to do with this particular problem and she wouldn't have added it to her list of complaints.
I get unhappy from time to time but it does not affect my marriage as I know it's not my husbands fault. I own it.
I added the "among other things" because there are other things that I have posted about and I didn't want to fool ppl into thinking my marriage is without any other problems so I could hopefully get a better range of responses to assist me.
I'm not blaming my Hub for anything. He married a "woman" I just need to figure out who she is and he has virutally nothing to do with that.
Fair enough.
I can tell you who you are but you won't believe me.
You can take all the college classes you want, take up a hobby but it will only give you more labels to add to your resume it won't define you.
You are seeking 'who I am' from an outisde source but you are already here. A living, breathing, lovely woman. It's normal for you to feel this way as I was there once at that age. What I implore you to do is to go inward seeking answers not outside. You will never find peace in the world. The world says you need a career, money, status, a label to define you and I'm here to tell you it doesn't work that way.
I had the career, lived on my own, did all that and yet I still struggled with 'who am I as a person'. Can't you see no matter which path you take at some point everyone must answer this question? The answer then MUST come from within.
I added the "among other things" because there are other things that I have posted about and I didn't want to fool ppl into thinking my marriage is without any other problems so I could hopefully get a better range of responses to assist me.
Marriage problem rarely happen in a vaccum and there are many many layers of them. I've been married 20 years so I'm kind of an expert. You didn't fool me.
I assure you of this. If you become a seeker and fix yourself from the inside out your life and your marriage will be transformed. Almost if by magic.
I agree with u that it has to come from within but I have been struggling with for a few years and I'm at a loss at what to do to help streghtnen the relationship I should have with myself. When he asks me question about myself that I don't have the answer to, I feel like who wants to be with someone like that?
I don't know if you are a reader or not but I have the perfect book for you. It's called Awareness by Anthony DeMello. Gave me a headache the first time I read it (it's that blunt) but if you can grasp these concepts your life will be transformed.
I've read over a HUNDRED self help books and hands down this is the best one. It is the one I reach for anytime I feel negative about anything.
I highly recommend it to anyone seeking to answer this question.
Maybe I am odd... but my main passion is being a Mom, mentoring my kids, helping them with thier own WINGS to leave this nest someday...even though I will cry, I will be proud, knowing I had purpose... being the best wife I can be (after all he will always be by my side -I hope!)... reading stuff that interests me, just having good friends to hang with, laugh & cry with, and do fun things with. Concert, plays, bonfires, out dancing, out to eat.
It really is simple stuff... I am of the belief... no matter what you do..or don't do... it isn't worth anything without emotional connections tied to it. Look at Scrooge, he had a career - He has all that money, but none could stand him.
I went to a funeral of my Best friends Grandma yrs ago... I sat there watching all of her family & friends get up & talk about her life, the memories she left behind.... her kindness, her generosity, she brought laugher to all who knew her....She even allowed me, her granddaughers best friend to have 0 interest on a house we were buying on Article of Agreement (I was blown away by that)... .it was like the happiest funeral I ever went too.... but she didn't do anything exceptional with her life... she was on the poorer side even, she was just a Mom, a wife, a sister, a friend... but a damn good one..obviously.
Maybe I am rather simple, but that is really all I think I need...and to enjoy the ride while I am here.
So mothers don't beat yourself up too bad about where you are right now , maybe you are missing the silver lining somehow.
Maybe I am odd... but my main passion is being a Mom, mentoring my kids, helping them with thier own WINGS to leave this nest someday...even though I will cry, I will be proud, knowing I had purpose... being the best wife I can be (after all he will always be by my side -I hope!)... reading stuff that interests me, just having good friends to hang with, laugh & cry with, and do fun things with. Concert, plays, bonfires, out dancing, out to eat.
It really is simple stuff... I am of the belief... no matter what you do..or don't do... it isn't worth anything without emotional connections tied to it. Look at Scrooge, he had a career - He has all that money, but none could stand him.
I went to a funeral of my Best friends Grandma yrs ago... I sat there watching all of her family & friends get up & talk about her life, the memories she left behind.... her kindness, her generosity, she brought laugher to all who knew her....She even allowed me, her granddaughers best friend to have 0 interest on a house we were buying on Article of Agreement (I was blown away by that)... .it was like the happiest funeral I ever went too.... but she didn't do anything exceptional with her life... she was on the poorer side even, she was just a Mom, a wife, a sister, a friend... but a damn good one..obviously.
Maybe I am rather simple, but that is really all I think I need...and to enjoy the ride while I am here.
So mothers don't beat yourself up too bad about where you are right now , maybe you are missing the silver lining somehow.
Sometimes I feel like that sall I should need but then my husband (still not blaming him) says things that make think if I should want more because he does.
Sometimes I feel like that sall I should need but then my husband (still not blaming him) says things that make think if I should want more because he does.
I'm very indecisive, passive, and often don't have my own opinion. I never have anything to say so conversations with me are like pulling teeth. When he asks me what I want I never have a complete answer. I'm not sure what my childhood has to do with anything because you can only use that as a crutch for so long.
I want to be comfortable with myself and any advice I would have to give my children because they will look to me for this.
Yes, it does. I've tried not to use it as an excuse but I guess it does have an effect on adulthood. I do have counseling starting soon so I guess thats something I'll have to explore. Thanks.
Interesting thread. At work on Friday the women in my office were talking about their dreams and what they dream about. One wanted to get on stage and sing but said she was too afraid. The other wanted to be re-married (divorced twice) and live happily ever after with him.
When they asked me, I said I was living my dream which disappointed them. Being where I am is exactly where I want to be and it makes me feel very grateful for everything in my life. I've always been this way and blame it on my strong will coupled with intense passion and need to be kept busy.
I really, really feel that this is how I am happy. You need to figure out what makes you feel happy and then go after it while realizing **** happens, things change and you may need to change your course somewhere down the line.
One part of feeling connected to who you are is being willing to do things you want to do but may or may not do for a billion other reasons. I think when we don't, we set ourselves up for an eventual mid-life crisis. We look around at our lives half way over and ask..."How can I have gotten to this point and my life is as it is?"
The other part is allowing yourself permission to be who you are and being comfortable with it. If you're passive and laid back and an awesome Mom & Wife...that's to be applauded. Who cares if you're not a busy body like me? That's what I'm comfortable with but that doesn't mean I won't envy a more passive, laid back personality from time to time or come to find someone like that to be an awesome person to be around.
If you like crafty things but not to an obsessive compulsive, Martha Stewart level, so what? Intertwine your likes within the life you're living.
Also, try new things. There are countless scenarios out there that you haven't tried because there are countless more scenarios to be tried for everyone. You don't know who you are or what you like unless you're out there trying. This is everything from food, to music, to types of books/movies.
We all second guess, wonder if we should have done something differently or focus on what if's and who am I's.
No worries!
We are not the sum of our hobbies or likes and dislikes alone. We are the sum of our connections, the kindnesses and pieces of ourselves we give to others comes back to us and create a sense of grounding and well being.
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Re: Who am I as a person? 
