SA I mean this with all respect. I never had a mom like you. In fact neither of my parents even liked me. (Do you have any idea what that does to a child?) How can someone like me be important to a child if I have no idea what that looks like?
It took professional help to get me to understand everything you are posting on this thread.
I didn't have good role models either, I had a mother who left me, had a nervous breakdown after a couple yrs being single ran off with a severe alcholic to another state - and I got stuck living with a step mom who wanted my dad all to herself , never planned on raising someone else's child -she didn't even want her own 2 (who still do not talk to her to this day- funny how I remained friends with her daughter).....
Believe me, I envied "happy families" when I was growing up... why I wanted my own so darn bad to make up for what I feel I personally LOST in my youth.
ONe either falls into the footsteps of your parents and their mistakes in life... or if you hated what you went through bad enough... you learn from their mistakes how NOT to live..and treat others.
I did have a wonderful Grandmother next door who favored me and I had the mothers of my friends -these were my examples... I remember writing on my wall some nights " I hate _____ , I hate _____ , I hate ______" .... I could go on & on about some of the ways I was treated, --not really "put down" per say.... but pretty much "ignored" -left on my own, I was a very independent teen who , if I messed up, hell would be the result. My bf/husband felt it was a little like emotional abuse in some ways..... I just bi***ed about her to all my friends while growing up - Sometimes I didn't get lunch money, I always ate in my room alone, there were notes on the fridge door what not to touch, they worked me hard... I was near a model teen though... they couldn't complain. And they know it !
When I was 18, bf brought me back home , they had my whole bedroom on the porch , she even told me when I leave I was not to come back. ...for a time I was living in a camper in someone's back yard, husbands dad told me to come live with them.
So please don't think It was roses for little ol' me. Not so! Did I take all the BS lying down and internally... NO.. I ranted about it to whomever would listen, once I even tried to run away. My Best friends house was my escape - this was more my family...and my grandma. I never let it all get to me. I had other people who loved me , so this made all the difference in my world.....we all do need some of that.
MY father was a good man, but he was wrapped up in his wife, we were just not very close. I am accually alot like the man.
Amazingly, I love my step mom today, she even admits she was very very TOUGH on me and if anyone has a right to be upset, it would be ME. But I am not, it is funny how my husband can remember some of the stuff that happened -that seems to be completely erased from my psyche. Crazy! I have no resentment at all.
I never had any therapy for anything, I just read alot of books ! And I have never held my anger in, I write it out, talk it out to those who are in my life. I know deep within, we can rise above anything - if we so set our mind to it.
I did buy a couple books on anger when I was in my teens - cause I was struggling with that - towards her big time.