I married at 19, moved out of my parents house directly into his, we immediatly started a family. It felt right at the time but now I feel like I don't know who I am as a person besides a wife and mother. This among other issues is causing problems in my marriage.
Has anyone else gone through this? If so what did you do to help yourself. Any resources I could use to help find myself.
I married at 19, moved out of my parents house directly into his, we immediatly started a family. It felt right at the time but now I feel like I don't know who I am as a person besides a wife and mother. This among other issues is causing problems in my marriage.
Has anyone else gone through this? If so what did you do to help yourself. Any resources I could use to help find myself.
I went through it but as the husband that had to watch it evolve and wonder day to day how it would turn out, would I lose her, would she find herself and still think I was the one? It is probably the most heartbreaking sad time of my life and there was nothing i could do other than bite my tongue. She is a very strong willed woman who has to make her own decisions. She cannot be driven to anything so I just had to try and make the right moves on my part to provide an environment for her to make the right decision.
She said she loved me but didn't know what she wanted. I didn't understand. I was a good husband but maybe not good enough. I never figured out what it was she wasn't getting from me that she needed. I just knew she was cheating or was about to and all I could do was hope for the best. It got very dicey for a while but in the end she didn't sleep with anyone else and just suddenly woke up one day and thought "what the hell am I doing?
In short my advice is be very careful what you do at this point. You are in a vulnerable position that can go either way. I hope the best for you and your spouse.
That's a very good question to ask yourself and it's worth all the effort it takes to find out. You need to know who you are, what you like, what you don't like, what inspires you, and lots of other things.
It makes you an all-around better person when you truly know yourself. I have a self esteem building website, not saying you need a self esteem boost or anything, but I do have this worksheet on there entitled Who Am I?
You should check it and see if it helps you answer that question. Because once you have your answer you'll feel a lot more whole and complete and you'll be able to be a better mom, wife, or anything else you want to be.
Thank you for the info I will definately check that out. That's exactly what I want to get ou tof this journey not just for me, because I have girls and they're getting older and I want them to have a good female support system starting with me and right now I don't think I am that because I don't know these things about myself.
She said she loved me but didn't know what she wanted. I didn't understand. I was a good husband but maybe not good enough. I never figured out what it was she wasn't getting from me that she needed. I just knew she was cheating or was about to and all I could do was hope for the best. It got very dicey for a while but in the end she didn't sleep with anyone else and just suddenly woke up one day and thought "what the hell am I doing?
In short my advice is be very careful what you do at this point. You are in a vulnerable position that can go either way. I hope the best for you and your spouse.
I don't want to be with another person at all I love my husband so much but since I don't know about me he dosen't either. We took a test to see what we knew about eachother and I could answer just about all the questions about him but he could barely answer the ones about me..........neither could I. I don't know what I want to do with my life, don't know what really makes me happy besides my family. That is not the journey I want to take at all (exploring other people) I just want to find me.
Your story is the reason I am so against marriage before 25. Even 25 is too young. People need time to form their own identities outside of marriage. At least you are taking the time to try to define yourself outside of being a mom and wife. Is it possible for you to obtain some hobbies or perhaps return to school?
I knew a woman who had her first child at 17 and became pregnant at 19 so that her husband would marry her. Now she is 30 with four children and not even a high school diploma.
This would not be such a waste if this woman was not uncommonly bright-she threw away a lot of potential. She talks about getting satisfaction from the achievements of her husband and kids, but I can't help but wonder if someone so smart wouldn't want more to her own life.
I went through it but as the husband that had to watch it evolve and wonder day to day how it would turn out, would I lose her, would she find herself and still think I was the one? It is probably the most heartbreaking sad time of my life and there was nothing i could do other than bite my tongue. She is a very strong willed woman who has to make her own decisions. She cannot be driven to anything so I just had to try and make the right moves on my part to provide an environment for her to make the right decision.
She said she loved me but didn't know what she wanted. I didn't understand. I was a good husband but maybe not good enough. I never figured out what it was she wasn't getting from me that she needed. I just knew she was cheating or was about to and all I could do was hope for the best. It got very dicey for a while but in the end she didn't sleep with anyone else and just suddenly woke up one day and thought "what the hell am I doing?
Wow Stonewall, didn't know you went through anything like that. I take it this was your early marraige, I know you married so very young!! Like your wife again, I am Mrs Strong willed too...I kinda went through that as well...but only while dating...It was very hard for him when I gave his ring back, what was really awkward was..I was living with his wonderful family , had a room upstairs ! I had a job & could have left on my own...I came to my senses fairly quickly , nothing really fell apart for us. He too ...just waited, gave me that time... ...I never cheated on him -I was honest the whole time ....where my head was at.
I just knew I had to figure this out before I walked down any aisles. Why we dated so very long (8 yrs)... After I went out with another...it seemed that was the push I needed ... we moved in together, and planned our wedding, I never looked back or had a 2nd thought.
I do feel young people, if they have only been with one person , should date a little bit outside of that, my experience was terribly small but I know I needed that somehow, or I feel I might have always thought ..."what if "? Somehow. I was never a partying type so I didn't care for that scene, and college was never something I felt I missed.
Though I see all the FUN my oldest is having right now...he says he wants to be a professional student, I do wonder sometimes thinking...darn that would have been a blast !
6kidsanddonecounting, I could say the same....I have 5 boys.
Here is the question... WHAT IS YOUR PASSION...what are you good at ? What makes you feel good about yourself ?? What does others praise you for ?? It could be anything?
6kidsanddonecounting, I could say the same....I have 5 boys.
Here is the question... WHAT IS YOUR PASSION...what are you good at ? What makes you feel good about yourself ?? What does others praise you for ?? It could be anything?
What are you feeling you are missing ?
How old are you, mid life crisis ??
I'm 27 so kind of like pre-mid life crisis. People always tell me I'm good with my hands. I love doing things like that, I do hair (although I've had no training), I make things, I love doing DIY, I love cooking & baking and making new things. I've done stationary for my aunts wedding. Pretty much anything creatively using my hands. I didn't finish high school but I did get my GED and before I left school (I had my first at 17) I wanted to go to school for culinary arts. But as time went on I felt that it was not fair for me to go after those things full time anymore, even part time I felt guilty like my job now was supposed to now just surround my children and husband. Even now when I do something I like something in my household gets neglected (usually because of there not being enough time in the day) and I feel like I get scolded for it.
I am sad about the questions you asked...I don't have a passion, I am really not good at anything, but being a mom. There is nothing I do for myself to feel good about, everything I do, I do for others. Though, I do think I am good at being a mom and at my job, but those are things I have to be good at.
I have gone so long putting others first I don't know how to be my own person. And, that is the honest truth. I want to find myself, but don't know how or where to begin.
I've never had trouble telling others No if I felt my boundaries are being pushed...well it helped a little after reading a book I mention below..
I have another book on my shelf entitled...."If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". ... So true ... we need to take time for ourselves sometimes, being a mom is a selfless thing, but I have always said it was rather selfish, I just wanted kids !! But still I like to get off with friends sometimes, take a bubble bath alone, go read a book under a shade tree, go out to eat , see a movie with the husband.... we need other enjoyments in our life too.
It can wear you down if you never get a break, if you feel like you are drowning in pleasing everyone else. There are times I say to my kids... "I am not your Mom today.. get it yourself" ! It is no crime, it helps them gain some independence too. I have learned over the years to be such a multitasker, that I can get alot done in a very short amount of time, this helps keep the stress down too. I am not the type to sit and watch cartoons with my kids though. In this respect, I am "less of a good mom" than others. But they are happy children.
Do you have friends who can swap baby sitting for you... so you can get out of the house, take a class , do you read books .... WHat do you like to read about ? What did you enjoy before you married & had children? This may give you some clue ....to find a twinkling of your inborn interests... that passion.
Can you join a Mops group, this is a great place for Moms to connect with other Moms who feel just as you may be feeling.... there is a link on this page where you can find a group. MOPS International - Mothers of Preschoolers
If you feel you are always saying "Yes" to everyone and loosing control of your life, this is a great book for you to read.... It was one of my favorites when I was younger, some of my girlfriends were pushing my boundaries... this helped me alot - to no longer feel guilty for saying "no". Even our kids can push those.. a book for that too !
I'm 27 so kind of like pre-mid life crisis. People always tell me I'm good with my hands. I love doing things like that, I do hair (although I've had no training), I make things, I love doing DIY, I love cooking & baking and making new things. I've done stationary for my aunts wedding. Pretty much anything creatively using my hands. I didn't finish high school but I did get my GED and before I left school (I had my first at 17) I wanted to go to school for culinary arts. But as time went on I felt that it was not fair for me to go after those things full time anymore, even part time I felt guilty like my job now was supposed to now just surround my children and husband. Even now when I do something I like something in my household gets neglected (usually because of there not being enough time in the day) and I feel like I get scolded for it.
You are 27 with 6 kids !! Are you sure you are done, I have a friend who has 13 ! She started out like you. Ha ha
Sounds like you are crafty and very domestic.. these are gifts - use them! My MIL was a craft person, she used to make things all year round, then sell them at the local Arts & Crafts festival, she also painted...her favorite shopping stop is Micheals. It gave her great joy. Doing stationary for someone's wedding ...very nice, very personal.
Sounds like you have a passion for cooking.... I bet your husband & kids are blessed there. I am not the best cook around, for me, that is just something that needs to be done ... but I love to hostesss parties... People who are good cooks can really bless others with gifts like that also... having friends over . I know a lady, I swear she lives to cook, and her friends jump at her parties cause they eat so well. This gives her purpose. I know it does.
I friend I graduated with sells cookies on the side, she has built a name for herself in our area.
It does sound with as many kids at your young age, taking on even something part time could be stressful, if it is outside of the home... how would you have any time for your husband !@#$
But in the meantime... you could surround yourself with books, learning more about where your heart is leading and when the youngest is in 1st grade (if you are not having anymore)... then it should be easier to set your mind to something... maybe starting out part time....you are still so young!!
You can start by accepting that THIS is the life you chose for yourself and quit blaming this on your husband. Take ownership of your own dissatisfaction.
If you do this and look inward instead of seeking validation from outside you will find your meaning.
If you ladies can do so, it might help to take a class. I don't mean obtain a diploma or degree if you don't want to, I am speaking of community classes like yoga or any other interest. It might help.
You can start by accepting that THIS is the life you chose for yourself and quit blaming this on your husband. Take ownership of your own dissatisfaction.
If you do this and look inward instead of seeking validation from outside you will find your meaning.
She said THIS (among other things) is causing problems in her marriage so absolutely she is blaming him for this. If she weren't she'd know he had nothing to do with this particular problem and she wouldn't have added it to her list of complaints.
I get unhappy from time to time but it does not affect my marriage as I know it's not my husbands fault. I own it.
You are 27 with 6 kids !! Are you sure you are done, I have a friend who has 13 ! She started out like you. Ha ha
Sounds like you are crafty and very domestic.. these are gifts - use them! My MIL was a craft person, she used to make things all year round, then sell them at the local Arts & Crafts festival, she also painted...her favorite shopping stop is Micheals. It gave her great joy. Doing stationary for someone's wedding ...very nice, very personal.
Sounds like you have a passion for cooking.... I bet your husband & kids are blessed there. I am not the best cook around, for me, that is just something that needs to be done ... but I love to hostesss parties... People who are good cooks can really bless others with gifts like that also... having friends over . I know a lady, I swear she lives to cook, and her friends jump at her parties cause they eat so well. This gives her purpose. I know it does.
I friend I graduated with sells cookies on the side, she has built a name for herself in our area.
It does sound with as many kids at your young age, taking on even something part time could be stressful, if it is outside of the home... how would you have any time for your husband !@#$
But in the meantime... you could surround yourself with books, learning more about where your heart is leading and when the youngest is in 1st grade (if you are not having anymore)... then it should be easier to set your mind to something... maybe starting out part time....you are still so young!!
You should like you have ALOT of passions to me !
I could def pitch a tent and live in Michaels But I am done having babies, I'm getting "fixed" on 4/13 and I actually just had a baby in January so I have like 6-7 years till I have the freedom of him being in school all day. I've never really been a reader (except for Harry Potter ) but I'm getting into it now since I need the help so I will be doing alot of that the next few years. Time is my biggest issue when it come sto doing things for myself so I tend to end up doing things late at night after everyone has gone to bed, which is also an issue because when it comes to most things late at night dosen't work because like my family the world has also gone to bed so if I do do something It's like going out partying which dosen't help me find me. Vicious circle..............
I guess I've put up these barriers between me and myself and I have to take them down the hardest part is figuring out how.
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Who am I as a person? 
Re: Who am I as a person? 
I am not the best cook around, for me, that is just something that needs to be done ... but I love to hostesss parties... People who are good cooks can really bless others with gifts like that also... having friends over . I know a lady, I swear she lives to cook, and her friends jump at her parties cause they eat so well. This gives her purpose. I know it does. 
But I am done having babies, I'm getting "fixed" on 4/13 and I actually just had a baby in January so I have like 6-7 years till I have the freedom of him being in school all day. I've never really been a reader (except for Harry Potter
