We dated for 7 years. We fought constantly. He was emotionally abusive. But we hung out in the same group of friends and the relationship continued out of ease.
When it came to the point where I wanted kids, I basically forced him to get married. I knew he wasn't the one for me and that we would probably get divorced one day.
But I wanted kids, was scared of starting over, had no confidence in myself...
Now 5 years into our marriage and two little children, the reality of life is hitting me. He's changed his ways so much! He doesn't yell anymore. He'll do anything to keep me.
But I don't love him. Certainly not enough to stay with him forever or even until our kids are in college.
I know in my heart that I'll be happier without him, but taking the step to get a divorce is SOOO hard. My kids...his feelings...finances...
Anyone been in a similar situation where you didn't HAVE to leave the marriage, but you knew in your heart that it would be the best for YOU?
How did you bite the bullet and make that selfish decision?
maybe you can take all his assets and put him on skid row even kick him as you walk past with you new man that you will some day kick him to the curb also.
had to get that off my chest.
now maybe just realise you have a solid man there who loves and suports you like no other will. and put this bull crap behind you.
maybe you can take all his assets and put him on skid row even kick him as you walk past with you new man that you will some day kick him to the curb also.
had to get that off my chest.
now maybe just realise you have a solid man there who loves and suports you like no other will. and put this bull crap behind you.
Exactly, I think any man reading this just shivered with horror.
maybe you can take all his assets and put him on skid row even kick him as you walk past with you new man that you will some day kick him to the curb also.
had to get that off my chest.
now maybe just realise you have a solid man there who loves and suports you like no other will. and put this bull crap behind you.
I wish it were this easy. He's "solid" now because he's scared of losing me. But he's cheated on me for years. Had family issues that anyone would have left their fiance for but I didn't. And he has screamed and berated me for years and years. He isn't a solid man who loves me and supports me like no other will. He IS trying, but I know it can't all last.
Anyway, yes, my decisions were so stupid. I freely admit that. I'm just curious if anyone on here has been in a similar situation and what they did.
I wish it were this easy. He's "solid" now because he's scared of losing me. But he's cheated on me for years. Had family issues that anyone would have left their fiance for but I didn't. And he has screamed and berated me for years and years. He isn't a solid man who loves me and supports me like no other will. He IS trying, but I know it can't all last.
Anyway, yes, my decisions were so stupid. I freely admit that. I'm just curious if anyone on here has been in a similar situation and what they did.
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He's changed his ways so much! He doesn't yell anymore. He'll do anything to keep me.
Well which one is it? You can't even make a consistent assessment of this man your opinion of him has flip flopped like 6 times in less than 3 posts ... who is the problem here, you or him?
Give it some time, because your expectation that he is only doing enough to keep you from leaving could be wrong. Maybe he has grown up.
I know you do not want to give it time, but unless there is already someone else in the picture (and if you want good advice, be honest about that), time may be your best ally. No one will blame you if he reverts to his former ways--it's wrong to stay with someone abusive, and your kids don't deserve to be raised that like. If, however, he has really changed, you *might* actually grow to love him--people in arranged marriages sometimes do.
lots of us made poor marital decisions out of bad self-esteem. Try to give it time, for the sake of your kids. If you are already involved with someone else, you need to cut that right out of your life whether you leave or not--because all you'll be doing is making another big mistake. It's one thing to leave a man b/c you do not love him and cannot be the type of wife, or have the type of marriage, you believe is worth having. It's another thing to seek solace in the hands of a lover rather than face your FIRST mistake alone, take the time to get counseling, and learn to live happily single if the marriage isn't going to work. Piling betrayal onto the divorce (if time doesn't help) won't help either, but I'm not making a moral judgment--I'm saying, it is just always, always wrong to leave someone for another relationship b/c you won't fix the problems with YOU. There's a reason second marriages have a 77% failure rate.
Good luck.
edit: yes, I was in a similar situation and stuck it out for 21 years. Still had kids at home, but they weren't little anymore (youngest was 9). I left when I felt I was getting to the point of having an affair--just didn't want to add that an already difficult situation. I knew that having an affair is just a lack of courage to leave, and that leaving to face things on my own was the only way to leave, if I really couldn't stay. It was really scary, but I survived. One way or another, you will too.
I wish it were this easy. He's "solid" now because he's scared of losing me. But he's cheated on me for years. Had family issues that anyone would have left their fiance for but I didn't. And he has screamed and berated me for years and years. He isn't a solid man who loves me and supports me like no other will. He IS trying, but I know it can't all last.
Anyway, yes, my decisions were so stupid. I freely admit that. I'm just curious if anyone on here has been in a similar situation and what they did.
thats a much more clear picture....
maybe try 1 more time now thats hes sees your serious. and then if it don't work then move on.
But I somehow smell more is going on....anyone else your interested in or has shown interest in you?
"But I wanted kids, was scared of starting over, had no confidence in myself... "
I think you need to quit being a little girl and grow up be accountable for your actions.
You also mentioned he was emotionally abusive, so he played his part.
But it seems you both contributed and now you brought kids in the world.
I think you need to start being more honest with yourself and him and at least tell him you're not happy.
Maybe some marriage conseling.
We are in counseling, both together and separate. We have been 100 percent honest with each other. I am actually trying to give it time. But that's really hard on him and he keeps trying to put time limits on it because he can't handle the pain of not knowing. I don't blame him at all, but I also don't want to just make a quick decision.
maybe you can take all his assets and put him on skid row even kick him as you walk past with you new man that you will some day kick him to the curb also.
had to get that off my chest.
now maybe just realise you have a solid man there who loves and suports you like no other will. and put this bull crap behind you.
He has changed; now you have to ask yourself if you can. If you cannot find anything to love about him, then let him go so that he can find someone who wants him. No one deserves to be in a marriage like this.
We are in counseling, both together and separate. We have been 100 percent honest with each other. I am actually trying to give it time. But that's really hard on him and he keeps trying to put time limits on it because he can't handle the pain of not knowing. I don't blame him at all, but I also don't want to just make a quick decision.
When men do that to women, they call it "stringing them along."
I think there is a right thing to do here, but you both need to be fair and amicable.
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Didn't love him when we got married 
