Just my thoughts, short of saying "Get out and never come back", to a man there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that says "I don't love you and I don't want you" more strongly than his wife consistently refusing to have sex with him. Sex begrudgingly given is not gonna cut it here either, I mean sex because she desires her man. To a man, sex releases the emotional response of "I feel loved and accepted by you, and I love you and I need you" the powerful emotional response of "I can't live without you". Don't kid yourselves ladies, men need a healthy sex life to be content in the relationship. It is the key to releasing the emotional response that so many of you crave. If you refuse to meet your mans sexual needs, I GUARANTEE you will kill his emotional interest and love for you. This is a need, not a want. (I am not talking about excessive,unreasonable or abusive sexual demands.)
I think (?) for women it works in reverse, if her man meets her emotional needs it releases her sexual desire for him (I think so anyway).
So if the relatisonship is healthy and strong, I think it goes in a cycle, man provides emotional inputs to woman (courting, pursuing, chasing which makes her feel special and wanted), woman provides sexual intimacy, which releases emotional response from man, man then pursue his woman, etc. To some extent, it works in reverse roles too, but with far less power and consistency.
Sexual satisfaction and emotional satisfaction are mirror images of the same piece of the puzzle. They are not separate things, they are inseperably tied together in a healthy relationship. It is like a person, you can not separate a persons soul from thier body, neither entity can exist without the other (not in this life anyway...I don't know about what happens in the next life). The man is the body, the woman is the soul, they make one being, neither can be complete without the other.
What I have said above is just my thoughts and theories, but what I am saying below is absolute FACT in my personal experience.
Ladies, trust me on this one, if you shutdown sexually I GUARANTEE he will shutdown emotionally. This talk of a man not "needing" sex is total and absolute crap! If you want your marriage to survive in the long term, meeting your mans sexual needs is not an optional extra, it is vital. Equally, your man has a responsibility to do his best to meet your emotional needs, again, not an optional extra, it is vital. They are masculine and feminine versions of the same thing.
This post is perfect, because it summarizes precisely
the crux of how the "give and take" in any relationship works. It is a cycle, based on a balance of exchanges. If the balance of the scale starts tipping one way then it gains perpetual motion in offsetting the balance, making it harder for repairs to be done the longer / more it tips.
I found TAM in a hasty search trying to find out what was causing my wife's low libido, only to start discovering after a few weeks of reading that I had been causing the problem
all along, and for many years. I was completely oblivious to some of the damage I was building into my relationship simply because I just didn't know any better... I thought the relationship was fine until something started directly affecting me, which was the lack of sex. My wife had even dropped a few hints to me (like "I'm bored" and "I don't feel special") just before I found this place and I really didn't understand the true underlying nature of what she was trying to tell me, because I didn't have the necessary insight at the time. Only after I found TAM and therefore read some recommended books did I start fully understanding the differences and needs of both genders within a relationship, and my eyes started opening up to what I was doing wrong in my own relationship.
Trenton is right... We often only see our own way in a relationship. Sometimes you need a true awakening to fully understand the other half of your relationship. Then you need to make a total effort to ensure you're always nurturing that other half to sustain a happy relationship. It's the cycle of balance.