Ah, but they do! They are the ones whose wives are having affairs or whose wives have walked away.
I truly understand that some marital problems are primarily caused by one person, a partner with borderline personality or some other mental health issue. But in most cases, a happily married spouse--or even just one at the early stages of unhappiness--does not jump into an affair. A man who thinks "everything is fine" because he got his wife to get off his back about her needs and wants is completely clueless, too.
Anyway, I agree completely with the idea that many men need sex to feel emotionally connected. What I see as lacking in that statement is an understanding of what it takes to get most women to the point that they will actually refuse--repeatedly--to have sex with their husbands, and how dangerous it is to suggest that they just try. I have known more than a few women who got to the point where they wanted to puke if their husband tried to touch them--but these women were committed to marriage and never thought they could end up leaving. But they did--some cheated first, some didn't. Same story in the background, however, which is why I don't believe the idea that cheaters "rewrite" their history. Most female cheaters have already told close friends/family about the marital problems.
It's a conundrum, that's for sure.
Not trying to be argumentative, but your analysis sounds perilously close to it's inherently 'his' fault if a man's wife wants to puke at the thought of his touching her. And further, you are outlining exactly the circumstances that MEM is requesting that people pause and reconsider. You are presuming that your average guy, in your average sexless marriage, just doesn't 'get it', isn't listening, and isn't giving his wife what she needs, she is making perfectly clear what it is she does need ... and her husband is just a knuckle-head.
Not trying to put words in your mouth, but that's how the second part of your response came across.
And I gotta tell ya' ... that certainly wasn't my circumstance, and I don't know of many where it was.
I'm not claiming that one is more prevalent or valid than the other. They both suck. It is a failure on both parties part, and requires both parties taking responsibility ... I think THAT is where the issue lies for most.
It's much too common to get caught up in right-fighting instead of recognizing, acknowledging, and reconciling.
And the biggest thing that stood out to me as overlooked in MEM's post ... it was gender neutral. It was about the refusing spouses lack of being open to their partner ... regardless of gender.