What do you do when you want to be happy again??

319suehere · 03-07-2009, 12:41 PM

Hi everyone,
I am new here and decided to join your forum as I thought maybe someone would beable to give me some advice on how to be happy again. I am in an emotionally abusive marriage and I know this because my husband loves constantly cutting me down with insults and calling me curse names. Hate feeling hurt and depressed all the time; feeling as though I am doing something wrong. I am always wondering if things will ever change because when I tell him I am leaving he changes his attitude toward me and tells me how sorry he is for his behavior. Only problem is that it last for a day or two and then right back to what seems to be nasty behavior towards me due to taking me for granted. I can't seem to make friends because the minute they meet my husband they get mad that I allow him to treat me this way and don't leave. There is no physical abuse but the mental abuse according to everyone is reason enough for me to leave. Finacially I have nothing and I have nowhere to go and know I'll have to use the county assistance program as a stepping stone for housing and such. Why is it that even though my life is unhappy due to all this I seem to comfortable with the familiarity to leave. Why?? Can someone give me some type of motivational advice to help me leave this home-life?? Thanks all if for nothing else but to let me chat out my sadness...

Sue
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MarkTwain · 03-07-2009, 12:46 PM

You have low self esteem.

Raise it, and he will start treating you better.

No-one will ever treat you better than you treat yourself.

1nurse · 03-07-2009, 12:57 PM

Right on the money as usual Twain.

justean · 03-07-2009, 03:11 PM

ive been in this type of relationship, sorry but i think your nuts staying.
he wont ever change.
his behaviour is due to his own insecurities and he enjoys the control that he has over you.
because he cant have control over others. your his way out for his behaviour.
you have to break the mould or you wil be old b 4 your time.
he lacks his own confidence and thats why hes puts you down.
my ex used to call me fat, ugly and would frequently tell me,
"no other f**ker would want you".
it took me 10 years post ex and meeting someone else, for me to tell myself that i was attractive.
you know what, im not ugly, im not fat and i get looks all the time and yes i am attractive.
you have to beat his demons.
oh and when my ex left, i had his debts. after leaving he bought a car on finance and put it against the house - but i soon sorted that.
i was a student nurse at the time, with a mortgage and bills to pay and i couldnt afford it.
so i rented the house out. then sold it. i made very little profit and blew it on a holiday.
15 yrs later and i am on H number 2 - 14 yrs this yr (ok no more marriages ever) lol.
i have no debts, and i paid my mortgage of on my house. i was 35 .
i have a quality lifestyle.
but i done it and so can you.

sunflower · 03-10-2009, 01:35 PM

Oh LOVE dont stay with a man like that please you are better then that

adp79 · 03-10-2009, 02:36 PM

I was in a relationship like that before and I felt the same way about leaving. I felt like even though I couldn't take it anymore the newness of not being with him and being on my own scared me. Eventually I got up the nerve to do it. Even the first couple months after that I really thought I missed him but I stayed away from him. Now he's one of my best friends (we have a son together) It defintitely made me a stronger person (I'm going through some outher issues right now but not abusive ones). My abusive ex is actually the one person helping me through this the most. He now realizes all the mistakes he made and still loves me. He says he actually admires me for having the guts to leave his dumbass when I had nothing. (not even a job)!

sunflower · 03-13-2009, 12:56 PM

Oh wow how old are you?