I have been dating a guy for almost 2 years, we have our ups and downs and finally are working things out and understanding each other. I was married and divorced within a year and met this current guy- he has been there for me in many ways that no one has ever been for me, and I love him more than anyone in my past. He is very strict on what he wants in a relationship. In which, the same goes for me - I am strict with him as well.
He doesn't like the idea of me having friends - he feels that friends cause problems in a relationship or they take you into the wrong direction with jealousy and so forth. He doesn't like party or club life, because he feels when you are with someone - you shouldn't be out there in that scene. It took a while to get adjusted to this, and i felt that maybe i do need to change my lifestyle. I am 32 years old, and I am ready to settle down again especially with him, and have a family.
Do you think in the long run its worth giving up your friends to start a life of your own. Or do you think it can lead to something worst. He is 34 and I am 32 ( do you think its sometimes to let go of your friends and certain family members to have your life started..
Giving up the club scene is one thing. If you mostly go to meat markets to drink and get hit on, yeah it's probably going to be a little detrimental to your relationship. Go together as a couple if you like it so much.
Friends, absolutely not. To isolate you from your friends totally is controlling and kinda crazy. If you have healthy friends, you can and should be able to do healthy things with your friends, no matter what age you are. It's easy to filter out the friends that are actively harming your relationship, but you need friends as well to keep your sanity. There isn't anything wrong with pizza night, brunch, hiking trip yadda with friends.
Is he allowed to have friends? If he is, why can't you?
To me, expecting you to give up your friendships is a red flag, unless you have inappropriate friendships with men.
I couldn't be with someone who wanted me to give up all my friendships - I have known some of these people half of my life and most of my adult life. No way would I drop people who love me and whom I love. What kind of person would I be if I turned my back on them?
And you also mentioned he wants you to give up certain family members? No, that is controlling behavior. Unacceptable to me.
He has friends, I have two best friends who have been there for me, and I wouldn't give them up.. just the ones that like to hang out and go out every time. certain family members who cause drama in my life..
Relationships come and go but friends seem to stick around. If you give up your friends you will end up resenting him. Who in the world doesn't want or would not want friends? Posted via Mobile Device
He has friends, I have two best friends who have been there for me, and I wouldn't give them up.. just the ones that like to hang out and go out every time. certain family members who cause drama in my life..
Hard to tell but it sounds like he is not for the friends that hangout and go out to certain venues.
If he is talking about living a single lifestyle that is one thing. If he is talking about marriage friendly friends that is another.
From your posts it sounds like he is against the partying lifestyle.
If by hangout we are talking about a group of women going out to dinner, a spa or seeing a movie that is a normal GNO.
If these friends are about hanging out with other men, drinking and clubbing then I can see his point.
So I guess all I am saying is that it depends on what the dynamics are of the friendship. Even frequency matters.
Do the activities include keg stands? j/k
I see the reference to relationships come and go but friends are always there or some such. I guess this is the point. For me friends come and go but the constant has been my marriage.
He has friends, I have two best friends who have been there for me, and I wouldn't give them up.. just the ones that like to hang out and go out every time. certain family members who cause drama in my life..
For some clarity, are these friends clubbing friends (those that go out to the bars and might not be friends of the marriage) or are they friends you do marriage friendly things with? Is there a chance that he is equating these friends with your club life and ask you to stop seeing them for this reason?
Many abusers isolate their victims from friends and family giving them free reign to terrorize. My father tried to do this to my mother (she left him) and he then did exactly that to my stepmother. She's been with him over 30 years. And she's a shred of the woman she used to be; cowering...quiet...afraid.
You need to talk to him more, and find out what he means more fully by the no friends thing. As others have said if he's really referring to friends that keep you a part of the clubbing scene that's one thing.
If it's literally that he wants him to be your all in all that's not healthy at all. Tell him no way if that's the case, friends are a vital part of every part of your life. Having no friends will leave you feeling empty, no matter how great your husband is.
It is a form of control, I would look at other areas of your life where you feel he may be trying to control you.
Does he not value your opinions?
Does he not allow you to express your emotions?
Is he always right?
Does he take any responsibility for his actions or wrong doing?
I have been dating a guy for almost 2 years, we have our ups and downs and finally are working things out and understanding each other. I was married and divorced within a year and met this current guy- he has been there for me in many ways that no one has ever been for me, and I love him more than anyone in my past. He is very strict on what he wants in a relationship. In which, the same goes for me - I am strict with him as well.
He doesn't like the idea of me having friends - he feels that friends cause problems in a relationship or they take you into the wrong direction with jealousy and so forth. He doesn't like party or club life, because he feels when you are with someone - you shouldn't be out there in that scene. It took a while to get adjusted to this, and i felt that maybe i do need to change my lifestyle. I am 32 years old, and I am ready to settle down again especially with him, and have a family.
Do you think in the long run its worth giving up your friends to start a life of your own. Or do you think it can lead to something worst. He is 34 and I am 32 ( do you think its sometimes to let go of your friends and certain family members to have your life started..
When I think back to who are friends were before we were married it amazes me how few of them we have contact with any longer. She had many guy friends and they are definitely out of the picture. She has one best friend that she maintains a relationship with the same as me. We matured, moved on and our focus was our relationship.
The clubbing thing baffles me. If you have this relationship then why would you put yourself in a situation that has the potential to jeopardize that? I would give up the extra activity and also make sure that he is not a control freak. That is something you want to get clarified before you leap to the next step in this relationship.
Giving up the club scene is one thing. If you mostly go to meat markets to drink and get hit on, yeah it's probably going to be a little detrimental to your relationship. Go together as a couple if you like it so much.
Friends, absolutely not. To isolate you from your friends totally is controlling and kinda crazy. If you have healthy friends, you can and should be able to do healthy things with your friends, no matter what age you are. It's easy to filter out the friends that are actively harming your relationship, but you need friends as well to keep your sanity. There isn't anything wrong with pizza night, brunch, hiking trip yadda with friends.
Is he allowed to have friends? If he is, why can't you?
I would like to thank you all for your honesty and opinions.
To update you..
He broke up with me once again - I have my cousin wedding to attend this weekend and when I told him, all he said was Goodbye that I give him stories. I truly don't know what type of person he is looking for.
Everyone needs their family, and there will be functions and he should be understandable. He does not have a close relationship with his family much less his mother.
I am not a party girl - i have my own place and pay my own bills and rent.. he lives with his aunt and cousin.. he would come and spend weekends by me, and we did talk about moving into together.. but he is so controlling, i have to wear certain shirts - nothing to show my ass.. he doesn't like me watching certain shows because - he didn't want me to have any friends - only him, my mother and brothers. I gave up alot for him because my heart loves him. I was always the one fighting for us to work things back out.
It hard to let someone go when you love them but know things will never get better. I am a good person, and I have respect for myself...he just wants to see the bad in me and not the good things.
so I am going to be strong and not contact him again.
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Friends or Love 
