I think I hate men...
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Old 04-25-2012, 01:50 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Angry I think I hate men...

For some reason dealing with my husband and reading people's topics that relate to my situation make me hate men with all my being. It just seems like they are a bunch of low-life creeps that need to be removed from existance. All the cheating, not being able to keep from eye stripping every girl they see, not treating anyone but their **** with respect... I just really hope that someday everyone just rejects them until they get the idea through their empty skulls that they're screwing up their existance big time.

It's like them being nice is just so they get something out of it and they never do it just because they want to make you happy. Some guys aren't even nice and the porn addiction all of them seem to have... don't get my started.

Is anyone else fed up with the opposite sex (men)?
How do you deal with your crappy SO?
Does reading similar situations to your own help you or make you even more angry/upset/etc.?
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think I hate men...

Sorry you feel that way about all of us.I've always tried to be a decent person and I think I've achieved it to some degree.
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Old 04-25-2012, 02:26 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think I hate men...

Woah! I'm not into porn. I don't cheat. I treat women with respect. Ok, so maybe I kinda eye-strip a few of them....alright, most of them. Does that make me a bad person? If God didn't want them looked at, He wouldn't have made them so interesting. No fish bites an empty hook.
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Old 04-25-2012, 03:00 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think I hate men...

Is your gender any better? Read below

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Originally Posted by dauntless View Post
I started visiting this forum about three weeks ago, when I first suspected my wife was having an EA. I didn't have proof, but I knew she wasn't being honest with me.

She started becoming distant a month ago. All the red flags were there. She started working very late every night, she had a new group of friends including males. About a week ago, upon glancing at her cell phone, I saw the first real sign that something was going on. One of her new male friends, after she sent him a text asking what he was doing, he replied with "I'm in bed now. I wish you were here with me." She didn't respond directly to this, just talked about being out with her other friends. When I saw this message, I confronted her, and she said that she didn't even notice that and she didn't reply to him about that. Trusting her, I let it go.

Over the next few days, I noticed she frequently visited his facebook page and texted him. She started listening to music completely different from what she had listened to before. I hinted to her that I wasn't comfortable with how close she seemed to be with this man.

Four days ago, we had a big fight. I told her I didn't appreciate how distant she was being, and told her that I was suspicious of this friend of hers. She apologized and said she has just been stressed and would try to make more time with me. I asked her to promise me she would not become so close to this man, and she told me they barely talked and they wouldn't talk anymore.

I frequently checked her cell phone over the next two days. The last text message from him was from right before our last fight. I still felt suspicious.

Well, my instincts proved to be right. Yesterday, I checked the phone bill (her phone is in my name). She had been texting him very frequently and deleting all the recent messages so it appeared to me that she had stopped.

I was at work, but I couldn't control myself. I sent her a message immediately that I knew she had lied to me about him, and after quite a bit of angry words, I told her she would need to pack her clothes and leave by the end of the day. She replied that she was so sorry and that she doesn't know how I found out and that she wanted to tell me everything. I said that she can tell me whatever she wants while she packs.

She was already home, and crying, when I got there. Words were said, and she begged me to allow her to tell the truth. So, it turns out it was not only an EA but a PA as well. The PA started two weeks ago, and they had been together "more than 5 times".

I have never been so hurt in my life. The details of the PA make me physically sick. The worst and most insulting incident:

Last week, my wife called me to pick her up from work (she doesn't drive). I drove the 15 minutes to her work, and called her from the parking lot. She said "I'm sorry I really need to work on something, can you come get me later?" Annoyed, I went home and waited. She came home about two hours later. She was very friendly to me, as if nothing was out of the ordinary. I found out later that she was with him. I was waiting outside to pick her up, and she sent me away so she could cheat on me. I found this out because she forgot her phone in his car that day. She said one of her female friends had driven her home, but I later saw on her facebook that she told her female friend she had left her phone in that man's car, and she hinted that they had been physical that evening, and that it was not the first time.

I hate that this happened to me. I feel like my life is over. I suffer from bipolar disorder, and last night was one of the worst episodes in my life. I ended up smashing dishes, boxes, everything I could get my hands on. I broke the TV. The police came. My wife sent them away - I would never hurt her, but my disease prevents me from acting rationally. I ended up having to leave because it become a full blown psychiatric emergency. I had to be treated by an on-call doctor who gave me sedatives and told me to sleep it off and see my doctor in the morning.

Since I was already gone, I stayed gone. I went to my mother's house. She drove me back to our home so I could get my meds, and when I walked in my wife was sitting on the couch with a female friend, who was there to comfort her. I just got my meds, packed a bag. She tried to talk to me, and I just told her how hurt I was. Said the same story over and over. She insists that she cares about me and loves me, but I don't know how you can love someone and still cheat on them, especially when they are waiting outside for you.

I left, but last night was an endless stream of furious and hurt texts. I just can't stop telling her how hurt I am. At least she has the decency to cry and be remorseful.

Last night I went public as much as I could, out of pure fury. Unfortunately I could only do it via phone or facebook, but I confronted the other man, her friends who knew and didn't stop her, told her other friends that didn't know, and I contacted the other man's girlfriend.

I hate her so much, but I still care deeply about her. She is 8 years younger than me, and doesn't have a quarter of the life experiences that I do. I hate what she did to me, but I can't help but think that I have made many mistakes in my life... and if I can't forgive her, why do I deserve other people's forgiveness for the times I have wronged them.

I agreed to meet her today, and we spent about three hours talking to her. I gave her my conditions. I told her she must agree to them before I even begin to consider reconciliation. I told her she must immediately stop all contact with the other man, and that entire circle of friends with the exception of two women who I hope will be good for her. I told her she must not develop or maintain a close friendship or relationship with any males, and she was not to be alone with another male for any reason. Finally, I asked her to write me a letter. She must fully disclose all the details of her affair, agree to the terms I set forth, and tell me her plan for reconciliation. I told her that I will agree to meet with her again once that document is written, and we can enter counseling and attempt a reconciliation, but also that my primary focus at the moment is my own mental health and keeping my job (my bipolar episode forced me to miss work today)

Forgive me if my writing is too long or doesn't make sense. I'm not in a very clear frame of mind. I desperately want to be able to some day forgive my wife for what she's done to me, but at the moment I can't see how that will ever happen. But, I guess I have already made progress. Two days ago I was in the mindset that I would send her packing for even an EA. I never would have guessed I would even agree to meet with her again after learning of a PA. It's easy to say you'll never forgive, but life is not so black and white. This last month aside, I have been at my happiest and healthiest due to my relationship with my wife. We are separated for the time being, but I told her that if she agreed to my conditions and did the things I asked of her, I would be willing to meet with her, go to counseling, and possibly schedule some dates together. As long as she commits and is dedicated, I don't see why we can't build a new foundation and find a happy life together.

It doesn't dull the pain though. It REALLY hurts.
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Last edited by morituri; 04-25-2012 at 03:07 AM.
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Old 04-25-2012, 03:19 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think I hate men...

crumbs! I've been out with some total as*hats in my life, truly

but I LOVE men, men are great - we are all beautiful flawed individuals, some of the finest and most decent people I know are men

don't tell me you've never looked at a hot 19 year old builder with his shirt off and stared dreamily off into the distance....
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Dolly is all of the women actually.
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Old 04-25-2012, 03:21 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think I hate men...

As a Princess you will of course be Perfect. And as such you will of course be a Saint in your own lifetime. Good luck to you finding a Martyr, a willing Victim of a man to live with you.
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Old 04-25-2012, 03:25 AM   #7 (permalink)
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You can't let a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch. However if you flip it I personally know some women that are a-holes but I'm not going to go on hating every woman on earth.

Yeah there are some sucky people on this here earth but we just have to learn to deal with them.

As for dealing with H when he is being a jerk? Well, depends on what has happened sometimes I find it easier to walk away from the argument. I have gone out for walks and have cursed out H (of course this is when he isn't around) once I have cooled off I talk to him about whatever it is we argued about.

And besides if we rejected every single man then how would we reproduce!!!
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Old 04-25-2012, 03:31 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think I hate men...

BOTH our genders can bring out the sublime as well the hideous. Even lesbian have been betrayed.
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Old 04-25-2012, 03:45 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think I hate men...

I DO understand your frustration, as I've been there.

Not all men are bad...but again..I do understand how angry you are. It stinks to be treated badly.

Do yourself a favor and stay single for a bit. Find yourself. Look elf for a man that wants you for for YOU and not for who he thinks you should be.

Not all men are jerks. There are many out there that have been hurt as badly as you have.

Choose your men wisely. Nobodies perfect, althought they may seem to be at first, yet once the wrappers come off...the real person comes out. Can you accept that person as they are?

If not, you have every right to move on to someone better..someone who suits you since right now..it's all about you..and when you find Mr. Right...you'll know it and the two of you will be soooo right for each other that meeting in the middile will be..not always easy..but you'll love each other enough to MAKE it easy.

Good luck in your seach.
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Old 04-25-2012, 04:12 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think I hate men...

Itís not only a madness but a stupidity to project her experience of one man onto all men.


Still, the good news is she has a massive amount of growing and learning to do. If only she could get herself down from that exceedingly high Throne of hers then she may just be able to make a start.

Until then her life will forever remain the same as it is right now because she will forever remain the same.
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Old 04-25-2012, 04:56 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PrincessMarie View Post
For some reason dealing with my husband and reading people's topics that relate to my situation make me hate men with all my being. It just seems like they are a bunch of low-life creeps that need to be removed from existance. All the cheating, not being able to keep from eye stripping every girl they see, not treating anyone but their **** with respect... I just really hope that someday everyone just rejects them until they get the idea through their empty skulls that they're screwing up their existance big time.

It's like them being nice is just so they get something out of it and they never do it just because they want to make you happy. Some guys aren't even nice and the porn addiction all of them seem to have... don't get my started.

Is anyone else fed up with the opposite sex (men)?
How do you deal with your crappy SO?
Does reading similar situations to your own help you or make you even more angry/upset/etc.?
You are what is known as pathologically embittered Anger, Rage and Pathological Embitterment: What Motivates Mass Murders? | Psychology Today.

You’re PE due to your projection of your anger and hatred of one man onto all men. If your anger and hatred were directed at children in a public place, you’d be sectioned, locked away to protect children from your revengeful ways and as a way of helping you.

I find these things truly amazing. My mother in law is a Scot living in England. One man at her work place took the mick out of her accent so for the next 50 years she hated all Englishmen. She taught her children to behave in these pathological ways of anger and hatred and one, through the expression of his anger and hatred became a mass murderer of totally innocent bystanders.


You need to find healthy ways of processing your hatred and anger. You could look to your childhood and see what you learnt there but when people do that they chase a lot of red herrings. So it’s often better to take stock of your current situation, see where you want to be in the future and make plans to get there. It does involve a lot of self work. Of course just keep treading the path through your life as it is now and you’ll end up being one lonely, angry and bitter old woman.

Last edited by AFEH; 04-25-2012 at 05:02 AM.
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Old 04-25-2012, 05:06 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think I hate men...

Do you REALLY believe, with all your heart, that all men are the way you describe, or might you think of some exceptions to your statement?
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Old 04-25-2012, 05:17 AM   #13 (permalink)
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There are exceptions to every rule, thank you to Homemaker who has been the only non-rude person thus far. I do not sit atop any throne and haven't for years. I use to be treated well, but that was until the person's will to pretend they were good broke. I am not projecting my view of one man, but several dozen men I have known in my life. Be it coworkers, classmates and family.

Also: As for the builder comment, eww. Muscles bigger than what is needed to lift every day objects are gross. I do not look at other men unless one walks in front of my vision, than I notice there is an obstacle in my way I have to walk around.

Last edited by PrincessMarie; 04-25-2012 at 05:26 AM.
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Old 04-25-2012, 05:30 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: I think I hate men...

You might want to look into anger management courses. While you may have a good reason to be angry; your degree appears quite over the top.
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Old 04-25-2012, 05:31 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Stick with the exceptions, and grow your population of men that you choose to notice, from there.

I asked you exactly the same question my therapist asked me when I was in an abusive relationship and stated more or less the same sentiment that you did, in counseling.

Since I changed my mind and allowed it to think of first one exception, then another, my world has become full of exceptions, and as for the 'rule' I don't let these men into my life in any kind of meaningful way. Sure they still exist, but I can choose to exclude them from my thoughts, and once excluded from my thoughts, they also get excluded from my conscious life.

Just keep at it, you will get the hang of it. There will always be jerks, but you can make choices about how much importance you give them in your life. If you are feeling trapped by one in particular, then there are some choices you need to make about inclusion/exclusion. Reality and coping with it can be brutal.

Throwing the bathwater out with the baby is a convenience in terms of decision making, but it doesn't leave you with anything. It does take some work and effort to figure out what in your life is 'baby' and what in your life is 'bathwater' and to apply the filter.

Don't let yourself be overwhelmed by having to think about who is a jerk and who isn't...just allow yourself to experience a true feeling about everyone you have any kind of relationship with...you don't even have to make any kind of decision about men that you might know but who can't affect you due to not being in your life. The only men you have to worry about are the ones you give the opportunity to hurt you or to be kind to you. The other ones, who cares whether they are jerks or not...it's not going to affect your life. Also, maybe someone is going to act towards someone else like a jerk and they are kind to you...maybe there is a reason they are giving someone else a cold shoulder...it might be deserved, you can only base your opinion on how they treat you (unless they are being criminal, etc. towards someone else, which is different than being a jerk...)

People who pretend, you can tell by how you feel that they're pretending. If someone is pretending to be nice then don't get confused and think you have to play along with them until they're exposed...treat them as a pretender, don't get close to them. This has happened to me, I used to think that I owed someone some nicety or whatever because I couldn't prove that their actions were pretense...now I go by my own emotional truth, not what can be proved. This keeps the jerks well out of my life.
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