Afraid of Outcome... - Talk About Marriage
The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

User Tag List

LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-29-2012, 01:25 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 5
Afraid of Outcome...

Well, I have an issue that I don;t know how to figure out before I comepletly destroy my marriage. I have been with my husband 13 years- 4 of it married. He has been complaing for years of my lack of desire. Background- when I was 26, it was hanging from the chandeliers, wild, kinky and dirty sex! Now that I'm 40, I'm just not into it like I used to be......It's causing a problem. 5 years ago, I had a boob job. The first thing I noticed was loss of feeling in my nipples. Touching them became very irritating and my husband eventually stopped. 3 years ago, I had a medical procedure and then my tubes tied. It has gone dramatically downhill since. My husband has recently told me, that even if I did all the things he suggested to getting in the mood, at this point, he's not into it anymore.... it makes me very sad to think that my husband is no longer sexually excited by me like he used to be. I keep hoping things will change, and have been trying to be more affectionate and tell him it's going to be okay- it's very uncomfortable. I don't kiss him very often, because he does not brush his teeth- it didn't used to bother me. I think I have been pre menopausal for a few years. I need to know how to work on my issues with lack of emotional support from him to do my part in our marriage. I am not one for long conversations about the same old tired issues, but he is. Our communication on almost everything is awkward. I hate seeing him so sad, but he feels it will never change into anything good again- don't know what to do.

StormyCottonBoots25 is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-29-2012, 01:43 PM
moxy's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,885
Re: Afraid of Outcome...

Sounds like you guys need someone else to step in and help you. Marriage counseling sounds like a useful thing at this point.

Try reading "His Needs Her Needs" and "The Five Love Languages", too. Both are good books that might allow you guys to find a vocabulary through which you can reach each other. Also, look on the Marriage Builders website and see if that offers you some helpful material. I thought it was a very useful site.

"He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

"“We first crush people to the earth, & then claim the right of trampling on them forever, because they are prostrate." -Lydia Maria Child.
moxy is offline  
post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-29-2012, 01:48 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 5
Re: Afraid of Outcome...

I have suggested counseling, but he says we don't have the money. He wants me to be the initiator when this whole time I have been the submissive. He wants me to change it, but says that things will never get better. Somewhere in the back of my mind I think he really wants to end it although he tells me he dosen't want to lose me. Not only am I sad, I am very confused.
StormyCottonBoots25 is offline  
post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-29-2012, 02:50 PM
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 37
Re: Afraid of Outcome...

I don't understand how he could say he doesn't want to lose you, but it will never get better. If your marriage means that much to him, you guys can find a way to afford the counseling. Give him an ultimatum- he can give you 100% to try to turn things around or you should divorce and give each other a shot at happiness. It sounds like you are trying hard to please him and you deserve the same effort in return.
Posted via Mobile Device
onehotmama is offline  
post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-29-2012, 03:12 PM
Browncoat's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,884
Re: Afraid of Outcome...

My wife has desire issues, and she finds that preparing herself in advance for about 30 minutes before sex helps (and it does help a lot). She has to clear her mind of any day-to-day thoughts and focus on keeping her mind on me.

If you can't afford counselling then yes, get some help from books like the ones suggested earlier. Your situation will not improve w/o more and better communication (books can really help if you go through them together).

My wife and I did what I call "write ups". We each spelled out in painful detail all the things we felt were wrong with our ~15 year marriage separately. We then go together and listened to the other's list while not being defensive, but rather trying to sympathize with how the other is feeling.

We did work out a lot of issues with our write ups.
Browncoat is offline  
Sponsored Links

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Outcome of VP debate? Chopsy Politics and Religion 20 10-17-2012 09:14 AM
It has been over a year and confused of the outcome. SirFfluffums Going Through Divorce or Separation 21 04-07-2012 10:46 AM
Unstable marriage???What will be the outcome?? DivaRandal General Relationship Discussion 2 10-19-2011 11:11 AM
Anyone try the 180 to win back an ex? What was the outcome? jeffsmith77 Reconciliation 6 05-05-2011 12:34 PM
Mid-Life Crisis outcome? southbound Physical & Mental Health Issues 9 01-17-2011 06:08 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome