I'm a firm believer males and females can be friends as I have a lot of male friends in my group, and I've never slept with any of them. And all of them have bern respectful towards me Maybe if I repost my answer without the first sentence you won't have such a distorted view of it.
They've been respectful towards you, that doesn't mean they don't want in your pants. It's not that guys and girls can't be friends, it's that maintaining that friendship while married is dangerous. To your admission your friend would choose you over his SO. That's because he wants to get in your pants. Have you ever asked him if he would want to take it to the next level? Or have sex with you if you had a chance? You may not think of him like that, but he thinks of you like that.
if you take the possibility of sex off of the table, why would anyone WANT to be friends with a woman? There's not much in common. I've got my dog and my buds for that.
You mean YOU have nothing in common with women. But, apparently, you have a lot in common with your dog! YOU only like 'guy stuff'...and what woman would like that?
I happen to love baseball and football (less crazy about basketball and ice hockey.) I love antique car shows. I like classic rock and the occasional live concert. I like canoeing, camping (in tents, not RVs with satellite tv), cooking over an open fire. I like reminiscing about old friends and old times with my guy friends I've known since college. They have wives and daughters and see women as more than just 'a piece of azz.'
Quote:
It's the reverse of girl code where they all back each other up when they say that they like hanging out at meat markets in skimpy clothing while prying free drinks from men because they "like to dance".
Maybe if you got out of the "meat markets" and met some real WOMEN (instead of barely or not-even legal GIRLS) you'd find plenty of smart, fun WOMEN who grew up with brothers and like 'guy stuff' just fine.
I don't expect I'll change your mind. That's fine, couldn't care less. You're the kind of guy that if you tried to 'hit on' me...I'd probably hit you where it counts (just like my guy friends taught me.)
I find it amazing that in this day and age of limitless communication that women STILL don't know that men DO NOT voluntarily hang out with women they don't want to screw. I feel like I'm giving up some kind of guy code here. Think about it: if you take the possibility of sex off of the table, why would anyone WANT to be friends with a woman? There's not much in common. They're fine people and upstanding citizens and all. But for non-sexual companionship? I've got my dog and my buds for that.
It's the reverse of girl code where they all back each other up when they say that they like hanging out at meat markets in skimpy clothing while prying free drinks from men because they "like to dance".
In both situations, it gets the partner to "back off" or be spun as a controlling freak.
So true what you say here. I wish you were there to tell this to my H when he was hanging out with a girl friend at 6 am on a Saturday after I just left for work. He got so angry and defensive with me for saying it was inappropriate. Posted via Mobile Device
No not for me. I enjoy doing the things you listed though...so very well maybe lol Posted via Mobile Device
You mean, you have your own voice?! Absurd! I thought I could be the voice for every straight woman on the planet. Dang, thanks for ruining my fantasy there, lady
So... My fiance and I have been togather for 4 and a half years. He introduced me to his friend (who happens to be a girl) about 6 months after we got togather. We have become good friends. Now she is the flirty type, and I mean really flirty. My fiance and I have been having relationship issues lately. So we have concluded that we need to work on some things individualy. We are still togather, we live togather and we have a 3 year old. Lately I have become uncomfortable with our friend hanging out at our house while I'm at work. I guess my question is..Is asking him now to not hang out with her while I'm not there unreasonable? I feel that if he loves me as much as he says he does he would respect my feelings and not hangout with her while I'm gone.
I would find that unacceptable. The term for this is Isolation. He is hanging out with another woman in isolation from you in private.
At a minumum I find that inappropriate. If you object and he continues that would be unfaithful.
So his boundaries might be considered rather loose but the important boundary here is yours. If you are uncomfortable with this, tell him this is unacceptable. If he continues, then he is choosing the girl over you. very disrespectful.
I suggest that you do His Needs Her Needs together and do the boundary setting.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
I find it amazing that in this day and age of limitless communication that women STILL don't know that men DO NOT voluntarily hang out with women they don't want to screw. I feel like I'm giving up some kind of guy code here. Think about it: if you take the possibility of sex off of the table, why would anyone WANT to be friends with a woman? There's not much in common. They're fine people and upstanding citizens and all. But for non-sexual companionship? I've got my dog and my buds for that.
It's the reverse of girl code where they all back each other up when they say that they like hanging out at meat markets in skimpy clothing while prying free drinks from men because they "like to dance".
In both situations, it gets the partner to "back off" or be spun as a controlling freak.
I am torn. I suppose some may actually believe this. I wonder though if it is just not trying to justify this because they really want to hang out with men because they enjoy it. They may even believe nothing will happen or if it does they can handle it. hard to say. It is at the least incredibly naive and for some disengenuous.
But again I am talking about close friends. Friends you would hang out with in private without your spouse. I see that as dating. No doubt for some dating other people and feeling that their boundary is actually having sex but bonding emotionally is ok are playing a risky game. Just the tip. They can pull back if it gets too close they think. Why risk it? Because it is fun. The brain chemicals are awesome.
This shows a lack of a healthy respect for EAs. EAs are about friends getting real close. Too close.
For others it is a choice they make on the continuum between monaogamy and having an open marraige. Life does exist in the gray areas but we generally deal with this by setting up firm boundaries and not just going by what feels good at the time. I have female friends. Do we hangout privately. NFW. Do I communicate with them often? No. We learn in life. I learned for sure this is not a game I should be playing.
Often but not always you see this with young couples who are making the transition from single life to married life. They want to merge the lifestyles. So if they are used to dating and hanging out with opposite sex friends they feel they can continue in marriage. They are playing it by ear.
Still others just enjoy the opposite sex and want to hangout with them. Where they find the time and how they can justify not investing in their own spouse I don't know. It is hard enough for me to find the time to give to my own wife let alone another woman.
But I get why many women like this. However the guys that know their wife is invested in personal time with another man and is ok with it is amazing. They should know better. Maybe it is because they are invested in someone else as well. So their relationship is open in this way.
Not sure why one cannot find friends of the same sex.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Last edited by Entropy3000; 05-03-2012 at 09:42 AM.
Lately I have become uncomfortable with our friend hanging out at our house while I'm at work.
There is absolutely NO reason why she should be at your house while you're not there.
Poor boundaries, dear.
And any chick who is "flirty" with your man ain't your friend.
KNOW that.
A girlfriend who is a true friend will NOT flirt with your man. It's "girl code." A line one never crosses. Not if there is true friendship/respect there.
There is absolutely NO reason why she should be at your house while you're not there.
Poor boundaries, dear.
And any chick who is "flirty" with your man ain't your friend.
KNOW that.
A girlfriend who is a true friend will NOT flirt with your man. It's "girl code." A line one never crosses. Not if there is true friendship/respect there.
I am wondering, what situation does this woman have that she can afford to spend normal business hours at your place with him alone? Is she a student, an early morning DJ or what?
I wont go as far to say that a man will only hang with women purely because they want to sleep with her
that said, if he finds the woman attractive he will certainly fantasize about her on occasion and with poor boundaries like having her stay there without the fiance present is only going to create a potentially dangerous opportunity. While I am sure there are men out there who would never stray even in such situations, I will say that most people who venture into an affair never had that intention going in, so why risk it?
I am wondering, what situation does this woman have that she can afford to spend normal business hours at your place with him alone? Is she a student, an early morning DJ or what?
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
43Likes
Re: My man hanging with a girl.....? 
