Wife wants me to cut contact with a female friend. Women's opinions?
I have a very good female friend who i was good friends with during our last 2 years in high school she liked me for a long period of time when i never liked her. I got into her we never officially dated but had a little thing it ended cause by that time it was close to end of senior year. She was leaving far away to college and i was not she told me and stopped having the feelings she used to have about me. I imagined cause for so long i never jumped on the opportunity and cause she was coming to realize she was leaving far away in a few months. Before she left we talked and i told her how i felt and she said something about how we dont know the future and could be together who knows. So anyhow i maintained a close friendship with this girl throughout college. Id see her in the summers all those year's i came to realize that i really still liked her even when i had a Girlfriend i came to realize id think of my friend allot. and i could tell she still liked me by the way she treated me instead unlike that of how strictly female friends treated me.
So college ends and we both move back to our hometown and within a year we are together we dated for 2 1/2 almost 3 years it was a great relationship anyhow i decided to end it because i knew i did not truly deeply love her i just knew while i loved her i did not truly truly love her a "consummate love" if you will. I had finally got to have her all to my own and i realized i could make her my wife but i would never love her like i could another woman who i hoped to meet one day. I broke it up she was heart broken and she really wanted to be friends so i was fine with that and we kept the friendship. So later i married my wife and she is a woman i could truly love and so we married.
Now my wife know's me and her used to date and where friends before for a long period of time and she know's we dated for a few years. I told her this cause i knew she wanted to know and i dont like lying. Anyhow problem arises in that i never told her cause she never asked and cause it was never set in stone but anyhow she finds out that me and this woman had plans to marry. My wife found this out about 1 month ago when my female friend who is engaged and me and my wife had dinner with her and her fiance anyhow wedding rings came up and she mentioned if i remembered a ring she than shut up about it. My wife later asks me what she was talking about and i tell her that i had had gone ring shopping but basically called off marriage and me and my ex now female friend decided to just date longer than marry in the future if it felt right of course i broke it off later. Anyhow my wife was a little upset that i had kept a friendship with a girl i had been really serious with.
Now the other day my female friend (ex) wanted to skype i had not talked to her since we last had dinner all together and before than i had not talked to her in almost a year. And before than a while. She wanted to catch up anyhow my wife obviously knew about this and exploded telling me she does not want me keep talking to her anymore and asked me how i would feel if she kept a ex around who she almost married.
What should i do? i Understand where my wife is coming from but she never had a problem before with our friendship.
Re: Wife wants me to cut contact with a female friend. Women's opinions?
Um yes since you never mentioned that she was more than a casual date but someone you considered marrying, from a female tht puts her in a "more than just friends" category and there is no need to rekindle the friendship or grow it through new forms of contact. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Wife wants me to cut contact with a female friend. Women's opinions?
How would you feel if your wife was doing the same thing?
My husband and I do not have opposite sex friends. Invites too much trouble.
I used to be friends with two of my exes. Their partners were not comfortable with our friendship and even though it hurt me, I understood the fears of these women. So I gracefully walked away and wished these fine men well. Hope they are happy.
Re: Wife wants me to cut contact with a female friend. Women's opinions?
Ask yourself: if you wife had had an ex-fiancee and long time friend close by would you not worry that at some point an affair (even if just a one time event) could occur?
Your wife is the most important person in your life now, and she needs to feel comfortable. I suspect she will never feel comfortable with the OW around.
As an aside though, I will say that given how long you two dated. I think engagement or no, she should have suspected that you two would have grown very close.
Re: Wife wants me to cut contact with a female friend. Women's opinions?
There's no place for this other woman in your life now. You need to cut off contact with her. Even if your wife wasn't upset I would say the same thing.
Re: Wife wants me to cut contact with a female friend. Women's opinions?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Goldmember357
I have a very good female friend who i was good friends with during our last 2 years in high school she liked me for a long period of time when i never liked her. I got into her we never officially dated but had a little thing it ended cause by that time it was close to end of senior year. She was leaving far away to college and i was not she told me and stopped having the feelings she used to have about me. I imagined cause for so long i never jumped on the opportunity and cause she was coming to realize she was leaving far away in a few months. Before she left we talked and i told her how i felt and she said something about how we dont know the future and could be together who knows. So anyhow i maintained a close friendship with this girl throughout college. Id see her in the summers all those year's i came to realize that i really still liked her even when i had a Girlfriend i came to realize id think of my friend allot. and i could tell she still liked me by the way she treated me instead unlike that of how strictly female friends treated me.
So college ends and we both move back to our hometown and within a year we are together we dated for 2 1/2 almost 3 years it was a great relationship anyhow i decided to end it because i knew i did not truly deeply love her i just knew while i loved her i did not truly truly love her a "consummate love" if you will. I had finally got to have her all to my own and i realized i could make her my wife but i would never love her like i could another woman who i hoped to meet one day. I broke it up she was heart broken and she really wanted to be friends so i was fine with that and we kept the friendship. So later i married my wife and she is a woman i could truly love and so we married.
Now my wife know's me and her used to date and where friends before for a long period of time and she know's we dated for a few years. I told her this cause i knew she wanted to know and i dont like lying. Anyhow problem arises in that i never told her cause she never asked and cause it was never set in stone but anyhow she finds out that me and this woman had plans to marry. My wife found this out about 1 month ago when my female friend who is engaged and me and my wife had dinner with her and her fiance anyhow wedding rings came up and she mentioned if i remembered a ring she than shut up about it. My wife later asks me what she was talking about and i tell her that i had had gone ring shopping but basically called off marriage and me and my ex now female friend decided to just date longer than marry in the future if it felt right of course i broke it off later. Anyhow my wife was a little upset that i had kept a friendship with a girl i had been really serious with.
Now the other day my female friend (ex) wanted to skype i had not talked to her since we last had dinner all together and before than i had not talked to her in almost a year. And before than a while. She wanted to catch up anyhow my wife obviously knew about this and exploded telling me she does not want me keep talking to her anymore and asked me how i would feel if she kept a ex around who she almost married.
What should i do? i Understand where my wife is coming from but she never had a problem before with our friendship.
You married your wife and that's who you are committed to. You need to stop communicating with your EX GIRL FRIEND!! No matter how much you would like to think so ex's can not be true friends. Your wife has every right to want you to cut contact because YOU should!!
Re: Wife wants me to cut contact with a female friend. Women's opinions?
I like how she casually brought up old times (engagement ring) like "don't you remember how good it used to be for us when we almost married? Don't you want to get back together??" Seems like you completely missed the hint. And you are wondering why your wife has a problem with her?!??
Re: Wife wants me to cut contact with a female friend. Women's opinions?
I for one really want my wife to be bff's with guys whose genitals shes seen, touched, kissed, or had inside her.
Note HUGE amounts of sarcasm.
Sorry if this wasnt funny, but I all ways tell my wife I dont believe when guys claim to be "just friends" with a woman. There will be banging desired by them at some point.
Re: Wife wants me to cut contact with a female friend. Women's opinions?
From a man's POV, this is just asking for trouble.
Imagine this scenario some time in the future;
You and your wife have an argument. Your sex life has been going down hill. You're frustrated and turn to your best friend for advice. After all, who could possibly give you better woman advice that a woman that you have known for years?
Since you confide in her everything that you want a woman to be and she has feelings for you, she becomes that woman. An affair develops and you screw up everything with the woman you love because of a woman that wants you for a paycheck.
Re: Wife wants me to cut contact with a female friend. Women's opinions?
Funny how this woman went from being "a female friend" to someone you almost married all in the same post. Why didn't you honestly identify this woman? We don't even know you. You used to have the hots for this woman and I'm guessing she either was a sexual partner or you wanted her to be. The fact that you described your fiance' as "a female friend" indicates an initial deliberate attempt to hide and minimize the relationship. If your wife were privately chatting up a guy who used to nail her or who used to be her fiance', you'd come unglued. You waited until the 4the paragraph to describe the real issue at hand, spending the initial 3 on fluff. You notice you said "I don't like lying". You didn't say you don't lie or you don't believe in lying. Your words indicate you do lie or conceal thruth from your wife frequently but you fear detection. You also said you didn't tell your wife the truth because she didn't ask. I don't even need to elaborate on this becuse it's an obvious sign of guilt for anyone. You actually took your wife to have dinner with this woman and you didn't tell your wife that you and this woman used to be fiances? You use the qualifier "basically" before "called off marriage" (notice the absence of the pronoun "I")?
This would tell any interrogator that whatever might have happened, you didn't call off the marriage. It may be more likely that you never had intentions of marrying her but you allowed this woman to believe so. Another thing I find interesting is that you said, "So later i married my wife and she is a woman i could truly love and so we married." You didn't say your wife IS the woman you truly love and you didn't say your wife WAS a woman you could love. How long have you been married? If it's been over a year, why did you start contacting a former fiance' a year ago?
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Wife wants me to cut contact with a female friend. Women's opinions? 
