Bodhitree

Help me some please. I'm probably a broken record but after SO (female) EA 7 months ago we are reconciling. Just had the best weekend since all hell broke loose. Woke up this morning tired and feeling sad. Replaying in my mind two things: 1) she insists she never had PA to which I am still skeptical. 2) she treated me really crappy when it was all going down. Was very angry and mean at the time telling bold face lies etc. Now in all honesty, I've had my faults that contributed to relationship problems, but I'm having a hard time understanding how she could get to such a place that she disdained me so much, lied to me and sought the attention of another man. Now fast forward, she is ALL about me now. Loves me, is trying to work things out. I wish I had a shorter memory, but when I get in down moods the memories can back in full force. A lot of times she says I find things to be problems when we are both happy as in its just not okay to be happ. Easy for her to say, but maybe she's right. Thoughts welcome.

Peachy Cat

I've written this before, and it comes from experience:

The road back from betrayal is a long and curvy one... with lots of hills...

Hopefully you've gotten some good advice on this forum and you've demanded transparency, etc. Hopefully she is keeping her end of the deal, too; she's answering questions with patience and understanding, she's not minimizing your pain and trying to act like it never happened. (?)

If she's doing her part and truly is trying... all you can do is hang in there and work on trusting her bits and pieces at a time.

To me, some of the times it hit me the most was when things were going well... I'd start to feel good about it and then...doubts and insecurities would creep in and I'd be right back at the bottom again.

I hope you guys are going to MC. (?)

CH

OM cut her off? Anyways, look at her actions and don't listen to what she says. Saying I love you is just words and doesn't mean crap if she doesn't back it with her actions.

Hopefully you've turned the corner here.

As to the probably PA, you either let it go or go for broke to get the truth. Don't just rug sweep it, it'll gnaw at you little by little until you go crazy one day and blow up on her over something else.

turnera

What standards did you set for her return?

And does she have a history of mental issues? She may be a person who is codependent or some other thing where she has to be 'on' for a guy.

turnera

It would really help if you'd just stick to one thread, so people can read through it and know what the hell is going on.

daisygirl 41

So sorry but this made me giggle!
I love the way you are so direct!

unbelievable

People have to justify to themselves everything they do. She was incapable of having an affair (EA or otherwise) without demonizing you in her own mind. Nobody wants to think of themselves as an evil jerk. Her treating you with disdain during her affair would have been expected, whether or not her complaints about you were actually valid. Now that the affair is over, she doesn't need to demonize you because there is no crappy behavior for her to justify to herself. This is how she could treat you like crap during her affair but treat you nicely now. Also, while she was having her affair, she may have fantasized about building a life with this other guy. In her mind, you would have been an obstacle to her fantasy. Her fantasy may not have had any basis in logic or reality. Soldiers can't kill their enemy without first demonizing or dehumanizing them. Same principle applies here.

LadyFrogFlyAway

lol. I'm trying to follow the story and find the thread from yesterday.

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