BO10

I feel like my husband always corrects me with everything I do, he doesnt do it in a nasty or agressive way but i feel like I cant do anything right.... I feel like I cant even make the simplest of decisions incase he doesnt agree with it... I now find myself disagreeing with him just for the sake of it to get square with him.... i feel that by me annoying him he is losing respect for me however i do this to show him that he is not always right.... I dont want to be like this anymore however I cant speak with him about it as he would somehow prove me wrong and make me feel like it was all my fault. I dont like to fight with him so I just dont bring it up but it is causing damage to our marriage.

DTO

As long as you can demonstrate that stuff gets done right, he needs to back off. Is the issue that he's controlling, or is there a reason for doing certain things a certain way?

Lon

If he is not aware when you deliberately sabotage his idea of how he thinks it should be done, he will be losing respect for you, meanwhile you are both becoming resentful. Resentment pushes people away and will surely kill your bond and ultimately your marriage/relationship if you let it continue.

If there is something you want to do, and have decided to do, instead of doing it wrong to p!ss him off, just kindly tell him that its your project and he needs to leave the room and go do something else, that you don't want him there criticizing. Then do it the way YOU want. It should not matter to him if its right or wrong when you take ownership, let him own his own sh!t. If he keeps interjecting stand your ground, it may be tough especially at first but he will eventually learn its more trouble than its worth and once you have learned how to enforce this boundary the cause for resentment will have gone away.

FrenchFry

Girl, your husband and mine share that trait. It's annoying right?

Disagreeing with him just to disagree though doesn't work, reinforces how right he thinks he is and gets exhausting after a little bit to just be contrarian. It will just get worse and worse especially if you continue to not speak up and just disagree.

How I deal with my pushy ass husband when he starts doing the "Honey, now if I were you," or the *sighs* is either to walk away completely, but nicely explain if he has such a grasp oin the task he can do it himself and then go do something else, or Lons suggestion of firmly but nicely telling him to butt out, this is your project.

Also, after he's done stewing about how he could have done it so much better, sit down and talk about how people are different and do things differently and that it's OK, unless he wants to do all the work and you get to lounge out. If your husband is like mine, he hates the idea of you lounging out even more than he likes to have everything done his way and will come around to the concept of 'Different People Do Things Differently.'

This takes awhile, by the way and you have to be consistent otherwise he will try and bowl over you any chance he gets an opportunity. We are still working on this, but now at the most it takes for my husband to realize he's being pushy or rude is a look and he will either walk away or pick up a sponge as I walk away with the occasional blow up with a quick apology. Consistency.

moxy

The fact that his hypercriticism has you walking on eggshells is not okay. That needs to be addressed.

Your passive aggressive sabotage of your own relationship is also not okay. It doesn't serve your needs and it doesn't fix anything.

You need to learn better conflict resolutions skills. If you can't communicate with him about this, try communicating through a counselor.

__________________
"He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

"“We first crush people to the earth, & then claim the right of trampling on them forever, because they are prostrate." -Lydia Maria Child.

lamaga

You're being passive aggressive. It rarely works.

Agree with the comments above, you need to see a professional about learning some better communication techniques. What do you mean, you "can't" speak with him about it? You can. You choose not to, as is your right, but I don't know that you will like the consequences.

River1977

I'm sure you needed nearly every response to tell you what you already stated were the results. I think that should be indicative of the problem not being you at all. The way you chose to handle this situation with your husband is out of desperation. You feel you are fighting for your self respect and for some respect from your husband - much like fighting for your life in that your psyche refuses to accept being treated like you are a non-entity, less than an individual deserving of respect, recognition, and validation. A person incapable of making decisions on their own or doing anything right is not a person at all, and your ego denies/refutes/rejects that implication entirely. So, you fight against it but without being clever enough to fight effectively, you only make matters worse.

What he's doing is called psychological abuse. The results are the fear, anxiety, and self doubt that you feel. What he's trying to do is exert power and control over you. The more you fight back and try to mirror his behavior, the worse he will become. But, there is also a catch 22 being that if you don't fight back and allow him to continue belittling you, the worse he will become still.

You have to be shrewd, knowledgeable (of what he is trying to do), and self confident. More than anything, you have to have self esteem and not continue to allow him to rob you of the person you know yourself to be. As long as you put up with it or continue to respond so childishly and ineffectively, the more you allow him to erode every bit of self confidence and self value that you have. Having self esteem means you set standards in your life and determine what you will and will not tolerate for the sake of love. Having self esteem means you decide that you love yourself more than you love him. As you can see by the example of circumstances just like yours (as stated by FrenchFry), there is no end to the battle and no way to rectify the situation. A person determined to dominate, control, and belittle you will never be corrected because his own ego/psyche rejects the notion that he is not bigger and better than you or that you deserve any respect from him. And there is where the problem lies. He does not see you as deserving of his respect, so he will forever do everything in his power to make sure you are incapable. To him, you have to be controlled and kept under his heels to prevent any possiblity that his own ego is forced down to earth and reality.

You cannot keep backing down to him. You have to remove yourself from the situation, or you will be fighting for your life for the rest of your days while he gets worse in his effort to keep you down, less than him, and miserable. Before this (this being your life or this marriage, whichever ends first) is over, you won't own one bit of the person you once thought you were. You won't know who you are anymore.

heartsbeating

Not fighting with him is also causing damage to your marriage.

It needn't be "fighting" anyway, it can be disagreeing in a more healthy and mature way.

You need to start finding your assertive voice again. For yourself most of all.

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"Victims; aren't we all" - The Crow